


Three Months

by virginiasoil



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Cop Bellamy, Doctor Clarke, F/M, Slow Burn, military bellamy, sorry your sister didn't tell you i live here now
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-03-17 18:03:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 84,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3538931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virginiasoil/pseuds/virginiasoil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke moves to the big city for her residency and rents a room from Octavia Blake. What was supposed to be a 3 month rental agreement turns into much more as she makes new friends, struggles to move away from her past, and meets one very grumpy soldier.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Flower Pots

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so I'm not entirely sure where I am going with this but writing has been therapeutic after that finale so here ya go. I present you with a nice, mostly happy AU to distract you from everything else. My parents are military brats but I am not so I'm sorry if I don't get the details right on retirement/tours. Characters will come in and out as the story goes. I may change the rating once Bellamy comes in. Wink wink, nudge nudge. I don't own anything, enjoy!

The location was perfect. That was the first thing Clarke noticed as she parked on the street and stared up at the house. Maybe not the best neighborhood, or the most up and coming part of town, but it was within a mile of the hospital. The house itself was cute too, in its own way. It was craftsman style, probably built in the 30’s, and painted a pale yellow. Yes paint was peeling here and there, and the tiny yard could use some water, and maybe a few shingles needed to be replaced, but overall it looked cozy. It looked loved. 

Checking the time, Clarke climbed out of her car. After straightening her blouse and grabbing her purse, she walked up to the house. There was a solitary pink flamingo in the yard and a garden gnome that had probably seen better days. The wooden stairs creaked and the railing looked like it could give a mean splinter. A couple camping chairs sat on the large porch. There was an ashtray in one corner and a couple beer cans, but someone had delicately put three pots of petunias near the door. Unlike the yard, they seemed to be regularly watered. 

A few seconds after she rung the doorbell, the front door with chipping red paint opened and a beaming girl pulled her into a hug. Clarke was startled, but returned the embrace before pulling back. 

“You must be Clarke.” The girl was still smiling widely. She was very pretty; her face was full of sharp lines and edges framed by dark hair. 

“Yes, and I assume you are Octavia Blake?”

The girl, Octavia, nodded. “Yep, come on in, I’ll show you around and then we can talk rent.” 

Octavia was much younger than Clarke had expected. When she read the ad she had imagined someone closer to her age, maybe even older, but Octavia couldn’t be more than 20 years old. 

“This is the living room, I apologize for the horrendous carpet. It was here when my mom got the house in the 90’s. My brother promised me ages ago he would tear it up but he still hasn’t.” 

Clarke smiled at her. “Oh, no. I think its great. It certainly adds character to the place.”

Octavia rolled her eyes and laughed. “You don’t have to suck up to me to get the room, its okay to admit this carpet is disgusting.” 

"Here is the TV room, over there is what my brother likes to call the dining room but is really just part of the living room with a table. The kitchen is through there. That’s the backyard; the bathroom is the door next to the sliding glass. Here, let me show you upstairs and the room that would be yours.” Clarke followed Octavia back through the living room and up the stairs. 

“You keep mentioning a brother, does he live here?”

“Oh no,” Octavia waved her hand as if telling her not to worry about it before pausing on the stair. “Well, I mean he doesn’t right now, but he will in six months. Sorry I probably should have-”

“Oh, no don’t worry about it. I will probably find a new place by then. I’m really just looking for somewhere to stay while I settle into the city.”

Octavia nodded and sent her a sheepish smile before pointing to some pictures on the wall. “That’s him.”

Clarke moved up the stairs to where Octavia stood, leaning in to look at the framed image. A tall, rather handsome, man had his arm around Octavia’s shoulder. His dark hair was cut short and he wore a military uniform. One arm held an army issued bag over his shoulder as he smiled down at his sister. 

“My friend Jasper took that when he left for his most recent tour. He is in Iraq right now.” Her voice was quiet, but proud. 

“He looks like a good guy,” she smiled at Octavia. “He must be very brave.”

Octavia laughed and continued up the stairs. “Oh trust me, that asshole raised me. He has to be brave.” Clarke couldn’t help but smile at how fondly the dark haired girl talked about her brother. 

“So this is my room, that door over there was my mom’s room, but I moved Bellamy’s stuff in there a couple weeks ago so that I could rent out his old room.”

“Is he okay with that?”

“Oh, yeah. Don’t worry about it. He would be more upset if he found out I rented Mom’s room out. He will be fine.”

“So he doesn’t know?”

“Like I said, Clarke, don’t worry. He is chill. Plus, you said you would probably be somewhere else by the time he gets back, right? His tour is especially long this time for some reason. This would be your room, here I’ll show you it.” 

Clarke followed Octavia down the hallway, a little uneasy about renting a room without the owner of it knowing. “Is this not his first tour?”

“Oh no, this is Bell’s third. He promised me it would be his last though. His good buddy Miller was honorably discharged a year ago and became a cop. He said that there is a spot for Bell if it wants it when he comes back, all he needs to do is the training.” She opened the door and let Clarke walk in first. 

The room was a good size, painted pale blue, and had a big window on one wall. Octavia showed her the small closet and demonstrated how to open the window. She smiled fondly at a child’s jagged carving of the name “Bellamy” on the sill. 

Next, Octavia took Clarke into the upstairs bathroom and then out to the small backyard. There was a tiny fire pit with more camping chairs pulled up around it. Beer cans litter the ground, but just as out front, flower pots were lovingly placed around the yard. Octavia sat in one of the chairs and gestured for Clarke to do the same. 

“Sorry for the mess, some friends came over last night and I had an early shift this morning.”

Clarke shook her head. “Don’t worry about it, to be honest I am not the neatest person.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Octavia laughed. “Look at you, you are so… so put together!”

It was true, Clarke’s pencil skirt and blouse did look like a bit much compared to Octavia’s cut offs and braless tank top. She blushed. “I promise you, I don’t usually look this nice. Most of the time I’m either in sweats or scrubs.”

Octavia laughed again and Clarke pointed to the flower pots. “Do you like to garden?”

“Yeah, I suppose so. My mother always loved growing flowers, some of my earliest memories of her involve the pots.” She smiled fondly. “After she died I figured I should try to keep them alive.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It happens to the best of us.” A heavy silence fell between them. 

“My dad passed away a couple years ago. I know its tough.” 

Octavia gave her a small smile and stared at her for a moment. “I like you, Clarke Griffin. You want the room?”

Clarke thought for a minute and then nodded. “Yeah, I would love it. This is a great location; I can practically walk to the hospital. How much is the rent?”  
They spent the next hour discussing rent, how long Clarke planned to stay, and their living habits. Soon the conversation turned to other things, what kind of doctor Clarke was becoming, Octavia’s job at the vet’s office, their favorite movies and books. 

By the time Clarke got back into her rental car to drive back to the hotel, she decided that she genuinely liked Octavia. She wasn’t quite what Clarke had expected, but living with her, for however brief a time, would be fun. The girl certainly seemed to have a lot of personality. Plus, her mom would be livid when she found out what neighborhood Clarke had chosen to live in.


	2. Bubble Baths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm home on spring break trying to put off studying for midterms, so of course I ended up writing the second chapter. Hope you like it.

“Well, that’s the last of it.” Clarke set the last box down in her room and smiled at Octavia. 

“Do you think you brought enough?” The girls laughed, Clarke had clearly over packed, but it was too late to fix that now. It was her first extended stay away from Washington since college, and even then she had only been 2 hours away, so she may have panicked a bit while packing. 

As they got to work ripping open boxes and setting up Clarke’s bed frame, the doorbell rang. Octavia jumped up and moved towards the door, “That’s probably the pizza, I’ll be right back.” Clarke nodded, more than ready for a piping hot pizza after spending the day moving into Octavia’s house. She cut away the tape of a box, reaching in to grab the framed photographs it held. One of her and Wells’ freshman year of high school, one of her dad proudly holding her soccer trophy as she beamed next to him, another of her and Wells at prom. As she placed them on her desk, Octavia came back into the room. 

“Well, unfortunately it was too unrealistic to imagine a pizza arriving on time. Food isn’t here but these dorks are.” She jabbed her thumb at the two guys hovering in the doorway. “This is Jasper and Monty.” 

“Hey, I’m Clarke.” She smiled at them, Jasper grinned widely and said hello while Monty gave her a sweet smile and waved. 

“This room looks so different without Bellamy’s stuff in it, Octavia.”

“I know, without all those books you can actually see how big it is.” The three of them laughed, causing a smile to pop onto Clarke’s face. The boys got down to work helping her to unpack, asking her about her job, where she had gone to school, and her general interests. By the time the pizza finally arrived, she had learned that Jasper worked at his dad’s deli downtown and that Monty was getting a biochem degree while working part time at a grocery store nearby. 

“So how long have you guys known Octavia?”

“Oh we go waaaaay back,” Monty said, extending his arms as if it showed just how long of a time they had known each other. 

“Yeah, my mom lives next door and Monty’s parents use to live a few houses down. We were all in school together since we are around the same age.” Jasper gave Monty and Octavia a fond glance. 

“Its sweet that you all still hang out.”

“Oh I can’t imagine life without these nerds,” Octavia laughed. “They practically live here anyways. And once Bell is back I’m sure Miller and Murphy will practically live here again too.”

“I don’t know how that’s gonna work, I don’t like this whole friends with cops thing.” Monty said. 

“Are you kidding, Miller would never turn us in, and neither will Bellamy when he gets the gig. I mean look at Murphy, you know all the shit he has done over the past few weeks, but Miller would never bring him in. Unless he was told to, I suppose,” Jasper scrunched up his face in thought. 

Octavia, noticing Clarke’s wide eyes, quickly assured her that she was not in the presence of violent criminals. 

“Oh, God no!” Jasper laughed. “Me and Monty, well we are just fine connoisseurs of the beautiful plant.”

“Pot,” Octavia dramatically whispered. 

Monty blushed, sheepishly telling Clarke he hoped she wasn’t uncomfortable with it. Clarke just laughed, telling him not to worry about it. “As long as I’m not living with murderers, I really don’t care what you get up to.”

“So what’s your story, Clarke?” Jasper was looking at her curiously. Octavia and Monty both turned to her as well. 

“Well, I grew up in Washington, D.C. I’ve lived there all my life, went to college in Virginia and med school in the city. I suppose I just wanted to go somewhere new for my residency.”

“And that’s why you chose the shittiest hospital in Chicago, if not the state of Illinois?”

“If not the country?” Octavia smirked. 

“Oh, its not that bad,” Clarke smiled. “To be honest, I come from a pretty privileged background. My mom is chief of surgery at her hospital in DC. She wanted me to do residency there, but it just didn’t feel right. I was sick of that life. A friend of mine from college worked at Sacred Ground for a while, she suggested it when I told her I wanted to leave the district.”

“Now, when you say you come from a privileged background, you mean you are rich right?” Jasper’s eyebrows were raised. Though his question was pretty innocent, Clarke grew uncomfortable. She hated talking about her family’s wealth, but it was especially awkward when surrounded by people she knew had much, much less than her. 

“Uh, yeah I guess so.” 

Octavia’s eyes went wide. “Well that explains your outfit the first day! How much you got?” 

“Do you know any politicians? And or famous people?”

Jasper and Octavia’s questions clearly weren’t meant to be prying, or at all mean spirited, even so Clarke felt her skin crawl. She had left DC to be independent from her past. Instead of depending on her parents, she was determined to make it on her own now. The whole point of Chicago was to escape her mother and her mother’s world. 

“My family is pretty rich. My dad owned his own engineering firm and my mom is a neurosurgeon, plus she comes from an old, political family. As for famous people, um, I don’t really know any. I mean I have met senators and house members at functions, but other than that… I guess the mayor of DC, Thelonious Jaha, is a close family friend. So is General Kane.”

“Well, now we know who to turn to for a favor.” 

“Miller is going to be pissed when he finds out we don’t have to suck up to him anymore.”

They all laughed and the conversation shifted to a story about Miller and Murphy’s antics at the party Octavia had hosted a few days earlier. Clarke let out a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding. She was thankful they had taken the news about her money so well

As it got later, Jasper and Monty said their goodbyes. 

“It was nice meeting you Clarke, hope to see you around more before you leave.”

“I think we will be back before her rent is up in three months, Monty. We are here every other day.”

They took the pizza box and empty beer bottles out to the trash as they left. It wasn’t until she closed the front door that Clarke realized her three companions were all under 21. She couldn’t help but smirk. Miller must put up with a lot of shit.

The next two months fly by. 

Her shifts at the hospital are abysmal. Working in the ER means that she is basically on call 24/7. Octavia isn’t around often either, besides her job as a tech at the vet’s clinic she also works as a barista at a coffee shop. The few times a week that their schedules allow them time together, the women bond over reality television, arguments over how to make mac and cheese (Clarke swears it cheese powder, butter, milk but Octavia insists on milk, powder, butter), and their shared love of naps. 

A few days after they celebrate Clarke’s second month in casa de Octavia, the dark haired girl tells Clarke that she will have the house to herself in two weeks. 

“My boyfriend’s grandparents are celebrating their 60th and he invited me to go.” Octavia digs through their pile of take out to find the beef and broccoli. “Its down in Georgia but I’ll be back by Friday.” 

“Sounds fun, tell Lincoln’s grandparents congratulations for me.” 

“Sounds terrifying. I haven’t met his parents before.”

“Well this is good right, I mean, he clearly thinks its long term if he is taking you to something like this.”

Octavia’s smile was wide. “Yeah, I didn’t realize he care this much about me. I mean I like him a lot too, and I knew it was more than just hook ups, but…” 

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at her friend’s giddy face. “Plus, he must know you are in it for the long haul too if you are willing to go to Georgia of all places.”

Octavia punched her lightly on the arm as they laughed. “My brother is going to be so pissed if he finds out I went on a week long trip with Lincoln.”

“He doesn’t like Lincoln?”

“No, he likes him okay, I think. But Bellamy is just… well he is an older brother. In high school, when my first date came to our door the look on his face screamed murder. He literally walked out of the kitchen sharpening a knife as my mom took pictures of my and Atom. I could have killed him.”

“So, now we have two secrets. Me living here and you going on vacation with Lincoln.” 

Octavia grinned wickedly. “Oh believe me, I have so many secrets when it comes to Bell. But yes. He still doesn’t know about you and I told him that I am going on a ‘girls trip’ next week so he isn’t concerned when I’m not able to answer his calls.” 

Clarke just shook her head smiling. 

“Speaking of you living here,” Octavia said slowly, clearly preparing to proposition Clarke with something. 

“Yes.”

“Have you found a new place yet?” Octavia looked pointedly at her vegetables. 

“I’ve looked at a few apartments but none of them have as good a location as this. I’m pretty spoiled here.” 

“Well, you know, case de Octavia doesn’t close up in a month. I mean, if you need a place…”

Clarke looked over at the 20 year old who was still examining her broccoli and carrots. She suddenly looked vey young to Clarke. 

“Well, it would be lonely to live by myself…” Clarke watched Octavia’s eyes shoot up to her face. “And like I said, I’m never going to find a location as great as this. Plus if I move further into the city the price of everything-”

“Fine, fine,” Octavia smirked, “You don’t have to beg. I suppose I could let you stay a little longer.”

“Thanks, Octavia.”

“Don’t mention it. It’s nice to have a girlfriend. It was always just guys growing up and as much as I love them, you just can’t watch Real Housewives with them.”

“Or do facemasks?”

“Or get totally smacked and talk about our weirdest sexual fantasies?” Octavia cackled. 

“Shut up, that was once, okay?” Clarke tried to look serious but couldn’t help but smile. Like Octavia, she had never really had a close female friend. Wells had been the only constant companion in her life. “Won’t you have to tell your brother now, though?”

“I suppose, but not for a while. I mean we still have four months without the old man.”

“Old man?”

“Oh you just wait. The fucker wakes up at six every morning and loves historical documentaries. He is the type of person who actually wants to go to museums. Plus half the time he just grunts in response to things rather than using his words,” Octavia rolled her eyes. “I swear, he may be 29 but Bell is 89 at heart.” 

Clarke snorted causing another round of laughter. 

The next night it works out so neither of them have to work. While they lazily watch jeopardy Octavia texts Jasper and Monty to come over. The guys show up half an hour later with Miller, Murphy, and a girl Clarke hasn’t met yet in tow. 

“Clarke, this is Harper. Harper, this is Clarke.” 

Clarke shakes the girls hand Octavia informs her of Harper’s job at the local daycare while the boys ransack the kitchen. An hour later Monty, Murphy, Octavia and Jasper have pulled out joints around the fire pit in the backyard. When Harper goes out to join the guys, Clarke takes the trash into the kitchen. Miller is sitting on the counter, talking to someone on the phone. He nods at her as she walks in. 

“Yeah, I will. You said 10 right. Yeah, yeah. Okay. See you, man. Stay safe.” He hung up the phone and hopped off the counter. “I see you are the only one I don’t have to arrest tonight.”

She laughs, “I am sorry to inform you, Officer, but as soon as I am done cleaning off this plate I am going out to join them.” 

He shakes his head at her but is smiling. 

“Who were you on the phone with?”

“Just an old buddy of mine. Hey, do you know when Octavia is getting back from Atlantic City?” 

Clarke stared blankly at him, confused. “What?”

“You know, her little ‘girls trip’ with Sheila and Mary from the vet’s?”

It suddenly dawned on Clarke what he was talking about her face went red with embarrassment. “Oh, yeah of course. Sorry, I kind of blanked there. She told me she would be back on Friday. The 19th I think. Why?”

“No reason, just wondering. Thanks.” Clarke nodded at him and heading for the backyard. “Hey Clarke, tell them I took off would you?”

“Sure thing, sorry about this. I feel bad you are left out.”

“I would rather be left out than lose my job if they decide to do random drug testing on Monday.”  
She smiled at him before stepping outside. 

That night before going to bed she checked her phone. Another missed call from her mom popped up. It had been almost three months since she left, she should probably call her back. A familiar wave of anger swept over Clarke, and she decided against it. Her mom could wait a little longer. 

When the day of Octavia’s departure rolls around, the girl is a mess. She alternates between being giddy and a nervous wreck as the clock ticks down to 3:00, when Lincoln had agreed to pick her up to go to the airport. Clarke watched her pace back and forth making sure she had everything.

“Its not even a week, Octavia. You’ll be fine.”

“I know, I know. I just really want them to like me.”

“I’m sure they will.”

“Its just that they are from a pretty small town where everyone is really close knit. I’ve lived in the city my whole life, what if I insult someone? I don’t want it to spread all through town that I am-”

“Lincoln will be there with you, he will make sure you are fine.” 

“But what if his family is nice. Like not ‘oh what nice people’ but like, good, wholesome, well to do people. I mean, I grew up poor without a father and with a mother who-” Octavia stopped suddenly and looked at Clarke with wide eyes. Clarke got the impression Octavia had almost said something she really didn’t want Clarke to know. Her curiosity grew, but she didn’t press the nervous girl. 

“Look Octavia, Lincoln cares about you and that’s all that matters. He thinks that you are good enough to bring home, so you are. People don’t just bring any old person to their grandparent’s 60th anniversary. Plus, not to sound like a bitch, but he works in a tattoo parlor and a bar. I doubt he comes from some aristocratic southern family. Even if he does, you will be fine.”

Octavia stopped pacing and nodded. “Your right.” She moved to sit next to Clarke on the couch, glaring at the insulting carpet before turning to Clarke. “What are you gonna do with the whole house to yourself for five days?”

Clarke’s laugh came out as a snort. “I’m going to work. My shifts are crazy this week.” 

“Promise me you will take at least one bubble bath.”

“Octavia-”

“Clarke, you work so much, let youself relax.”

“Fine.” 

There was a knock at the door and Octavia all but flung herself at it. She gave Lincoln a hard kiss before turning back to Clarke. “Take care of yourself, Griffin. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” Clarke laughed as Lincoln grabbed Octavia’s suitcase. He smiled and said hello to Clarke. After they left, she let herself slide down against the door, relishing in the peace and quiet. She loved Octavia, but it was going to be nice to have the house to herself for the next few days. 

She wasn’t lying when she told Octavia her schedule was insane. For the first three days of the week all she did at the house was sleep. Finally on the fourth day, after getting back from her shift at 9, she was able to enjoy a night at home. Clarke made mac and cheese (the right way thank you very much). She ate it while drinking red wine out of the bottle and watching the Maury Show. Two episodes and a phone call from Wells later she found herself living up to her promise to Octavia as she climbed into the tub. 

For the first time in weeks, Clarke let herself just relax. She had turned off the lights, relying on the numerous candles she had lit to see. Sinking into the warm, bubbly water she thought about the cute pediatrician she had met at work. He had flirted with her quite a bit, and Clarke all but decided to ask him out the next time she saw him. It had been a while since she dated, and there was this little waffle place that she had seen weeks back that-

Her thoughts were rudely interrupted when the door to the bathroom suddenly burst open and a very confused, very shocked Bellamy Blake stared at her. 

“What the fuck? Who the hell are you?”

She was going to kill Octavia.


	3. Smoothies

Over the next few hours, Clarke learned a lot about Bellamy Blake. 

First, she learns that Octavia still hadn’t informed him of her presence or the fact that his room was no longer his room. That’s why, after throwing on a towel and rushing out of the bathroom, she trips over his army issued bag in the middle of her room. With the lights off, she realizes, he must have not noticed the utter lack of Bellamy related things. 

Next, she learns that he yells very loudly. She can hear him chewing Octavia out on the phone in the kitchen even after she closes the bedroom door. 

Clarke also learns that Bellamy is just as grumpy as Octavia claimed. When she awkwardly meets him on the stairs (she, once again wearing clothes, had been going down to apologize and hand him his bag, he was storming up to probably interrogate her) he doesn’t say a word to her. Instead, the disgruntled soldier grabs his bag, shoots her a glare, and marches past. The door to his mom’s room slams and she doesn’t see him until the morning. 

In the morning, she learns that Bellamy Blake is very susceptible to guilt, yet very capably of holding onto anger. When she meets him in the kitchen at 6:30, he hands her a cup of coffee and makes her scrambled eggs. However, other than a mumbled apology and a few words about losing his temper, he doesn’t speak to her. 

She gets back from the hospital at 3:00 in the afternoon, looking forward to a nap before her next shift at 4:00 am and definitely not looking forward to having to interact with Octavia’s brother. After scoping almost every room of the house, she comes to the conclusion that she is home alone for the time being. Flopping onto the couch, she flips through the channels before settling on a random Telenovela and pulls out her phone to call Octavia. The girl starts talking madly before Clarke has the chance to say hello.

“Oh my God, Clarke. I am so so so so sorry! He told me he wouldn’t be back until September 15th, I swear! Apparently he found out months ago it would be shorter but wanted to surprise me. If I had known I would have warned you! Fucking Miller knew all about it but didn’t think to say anything about you to him or about his plans to me. I hope he isn’t being too bitchy, I swear I will kill him if-”

“It’s fine, Octavia, really. Calm down.”

“It most certainly is not fine, Clarke, I feel like an ass for doing this to you.”

“You didn’t know, Octavia. Really, its okay. I’m not mad at you. I mean it sucks to not have you here, I’m sure you can imagine how awkward it is, but really, its fine.”

“If he says anything rude call me and I will-”

“He hasn’t, Octavia. I promise.”

“Bullshit. I know my brother. I bet you a million bucks, and I know you have that money Miss Griffin, that he will be a snarky little shit. That or he just won’t talk at all but slam things a lot. Then probably make you his killer scrambled eggs with the cheese because he feels bad but he won’t stop the slamming and the disapproving grunts.”

Clarke had to laugh at how spot on Octavia was when it came to her brother. “Look, is there anything I should say or do? I mean he just came back from the war so-”

“No, don’t worry about that, Clarke. Its sweet of you but you don’t need to take care of him. He is strong, and if anything is up he will probably go to Miller about it. Plus I’ll be back the day after tomorrow. Thanks, though.” 

Before she could respond, Clarke heard keys jingle in the front door and bid Octavia a hasty goodbye. His arms were laden with groceries and he gave her a small nod before going into the kitchen. Unsure of whether she should help him unload or not, Clarke tried to focus on the melodrama on TV and not the rustling of bags and slamming of cabinets. A few minutes later, the kitchen grew silent and she squirmed in her seat, trying to think of a time she had been more uncomfortable than in that moment. She couldn’t. 

For the second time in 24 hours, Bellamy Blake greatly surprised Clarke when he appeared out of nowhere and plopped himself on the opposite side of the couch. She stared at him in shock for a moment, before gluing her eyes to the TV. A few minutes of thick silence passed before his deep voice cut through the wails of the telenovela’s heroine. 

“So you eat as bad as O does, huh?”

Clarke’s head jerked to the man next to her. For a moment she took in his low-slung jeans and simple white t-shirt, he looked very different out of the uniform he had been wearing the night before, younger she thought. 

“I guess. I work at the hospital and have weird shifts so it’s easier to snack instead of have real meals.” She decided to try and lighten the air with a little laugh, adding, “Plus I’m not one to turn down take-out.” 

Bellamy didn’t laugh. He didn’t look at her either, choosing to instead focus on the soap opera that Clarke was sure he wasn’t really paying attention to. “I got groceries.” Well, duh. “You can help yourself to whatever.”

“Thanks.”

He just grunted in response and sank back into the couch. 

Old man, indeed. 

They both watched the telenovela for the next hour, neither one wanting to be the first to back down and leave. 

He makes dinner that night. She tries to protest, saying that he doesn’t have to go out of his way for her to which he harshly replies that it isn’t for her and that he would be making it even if she weren’t there. 

She holds her tongue because unlike some people, she has manners. 

Over a piping hot lasagna, he has the nerve to tell her that Octavia asked about renting a room months ago and that he had flat out refused. He didn’t like the idea of a stranger in his house. 

She wants to hit him. 

She doesn’t. Instead she takes another bite, feeling betrayed by the delicious food. 

He doesn’t let her do the dishes after dinner and rolls his eyes when she says she can pull her own weight. 

She spends the rest of her night in her room pouting and complaining to Wells about how her new housemate is a total ass. 

At 3:45 am she leaves for the hospital pretending she doesn’t see him sitting on the couch staring at the wall, deep in thought with a beer in his hand and an empty bottle on the table. 

After her early morning shift ends at 11, Clarke returns home. She has the rest of the day off and looks forward to catching up on sleep. There is no sign of Bellamy when she walks in and she thanks all of her lucky stars for it. When she first heard Octavia speak of her brother, Clarke had imagined she would like the man. But all her interactions with the dark haired soldier thus far had left her with a bitter taste in her mouth. To put it simply, he was an asshole (even if he did cook a mean lasagna and look a little too good in a simple t-shirt). 

Dropping her bag in the middle of her messy room, Clarke collapsed into bed. Her shift had been awful. Three shooting victims had come in needing surgery, a bitchy teenager with a broken arm and piss poor attitude had given her flack, and an old man had flirted incessantly with her as she stitched up a gash on his cheek. Sleep could not come fast enough. For two glorious hours she remained curled up in a state of near unconsciousness until, for the third time in just over 24 hours, Bellamy Blake startled her. 

He was using a blender in the kitchen below. It ran for a few seconds, stopped, and then ran again a moment later. As the pattern repeated itself, Clarke’s anger boiled over.

Yes, Clarke knew it was 1:00 in the afternoon and most people would not be asleep. No, Clarke did not care that it was 1:00 in the afternoon and most people would not be asleep. 

Bellamy Blake was going to die. 

She marched downstairs like she was going into battle. Her fists clenched at her sides as she heard him continue turn the unbearable appliance on and off. Clarke didn’t even bother to wait until she stormed into the kitchen to begin chewing him out. 

“What the ever loving fuck do you think you are doing? I have been awake since 3:00 this morning and dealing with shit all-” her voice drifted off as she crossed into the kitchen and felt her mouth go dry. 

Bellamy had clearly come back from a run, or some other workout. A grey, sweat drenched shirt was flung over his shoulder leaving his chest bare. His tan, muscled back was to her and with a blush Clarke noticed that his freckles were not limited to his face. For a moment she forgot why she was upset with him. Then he turned the blender off, stirred the green sludge inside, and turned it back on. 

Oh, right. 

“Is it really necessary to do that right now, and to keep turning it off and on? I mean you are not the only person in this house and if you think- Are you ignoring me? Seriously? What are you, five? God, grow up a little you asshole!” She put her hands on her hips and angrily tapped her foot. Yes the blender was loud, but not loud enough to block out- oh. 

He turned off the blender and grabbed a cup out of the cupboard. Clarke tried and failed to not stare as she noticed how toned his arms were and the way his broad shoulders sloped to a narrow waist. Unfortunately, at the same moment she had her eyes glued to his body, he noticed he was not alone. 

“There something I can help you with?” He had a knowing smirk on his face and Clarke hated him for it. She also observed the headphones he was wearing and realized that he hadn’t been ignoring her after all. 

“Yes, actually.” He raised his eyebrows. Taking his headphones out, Bellamy leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms. She could hear the music blasting out of the ear buds from where she stood. “I would really appreciate it if you could make up your mind about whether or not the keep the blender on. And preferably, for you to choose to keep it off. Some people would like to sleep and that’s hard to do with you flicking that damn thing on and off!” Her voice was hard and harsh and she reveled in the way his eyes widened a bit. 

“Its 1:00 in the afternoon, Princess. I can do whatever the hell I want.” 

“My name is Clarke and I don’t give a shit what time it is, I have been up since 3:00 in the morning and would like to sleep.” 

“And the world revolves around you, doesn’t it, Princess?” 

She practically saw red. 

“I told you, my name is Clarke! Grow the fuck up and call me by my actual name! And no, the world does not revolve around me! Forgive me for expecting people to have a little bit of decency and understanding! If you had been up since 3:00 you can bet your ass I wouldn’t be pulling this crap!” She realized too late that he had been up when she left that morning. Surprisingly, however, he didn’t mention it. 

“Well forgive the fuck out of me for being used to an empty house at 1:00 on a Thursday afternoon, Princess.” His repeated use of that name made her blood boil. 

“Clarke! And I get it. You don’t like me living here. Suck it up and act like a fucking adult. I’m here to stay and there is nothing you can do about it!”

“You want to bet, Princess?” 

“What are you gonna do, kick me out, Blake?”

“You bet your royal ass I will!”

“You aren’t the only owner of this house!”

“Really, because I am pretty sure my name is the only one on the deed!”

“You are such an ass!”

“Whatever you say, Princess.”

“Don’t call me that!”

“Alright, Princess.” He turned his back to her and poured his smoothie into the cup before beginning to clean the blender. 

“Really? How mature. Glad to know someone as mature as you is protecting our country. Really makes me feel safe.” The moment it was out of her mouth she knew she had gone too far, but she was just so angry and so tired and he was driving her crazy. Guilt, and a bit of fear, grew in her gut when his hand stilled under the faucet.

“Fuck off.” 

He didn’t turn to face her and his voice was quieter than it had been a minute ago, but just as biting. She was torn between the overwhelming urge to apologize and her stubborn desire to not back down from the argument. 

“Fuck you.” She walked out having delivered the last word but feeling like shit. 

Clarke hid in her room for an hour. She tried to sleep, but simply tossed and turned. She heard the front door slam at 2:30. 

At 8:00 she wakes up from a fitful sleep. She calls Wells, makes some easy mac, and returns to her room. Although Clarke planned to stay up until he came home, she falls asleep at 1:00 am without having heard the front door once. 

When she wakes up the next morning to the sound of someone in the shower next door, Clarke doesn’t think she could be more relieved that Octavia comes home that afternoon.


	4. Oil and Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have been swamped with work, but here is the next chapter. Hope y'all like it! Thanks for your comments :) 
> 
> Also, as a disclaimer, I have been to Chicago once so sorry to anyone who is offended by my utter lack of Chicago related knowledge.

During the five hours Bellamy and Clarke were forced to spend together before Octavia got home neither one spoke once. They decidedly avoided one another. When he saw her eating coco puffs in front of the TV, Bellamy had the sudden urge to sit on the back steps. When Bellamy was making a sandwich in the small kitchen, Clarke made the choice to have a late lunch rather than share the space with him. At precisely 2:00 in the afternoon, both sat in the living room staring at their phones on opposite ends of the couch. Every few minutes Clarke sneaked a small glance in his direction and could swear he did the same. When the doorknob finally jingled both stood up immediately and, as annoyed as she was with Bellamy, Clarke couldn’t help but be warmed by the excitement on his face. He looked like a five year old on Christmas morning. 

Octavia entered the house like a hurricane. She burst through the door, dropping her suitcase and purse on the ground, and rushed over to her brother. Clarke stood to the side and smiled as the two Blakes held onto each other like there was nothing else in the world. 

“I’m glad you are back, big brother.” Her voice was thick with emotion and his mirrored it a moment later. 

“Sorry your surprise was ruined.” 

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Please, it was a sweet idea, Bell, but all I care about is you being here. Being safe.” She kissed his cheek and hugged him again. When they parted, their eyes weren’t quite free of tears. After a pause, Octavia seemed to remember the elephant in the room. She rushed over to Clarke and gave her a bone-crushing hug. “I am so, so, so sorry, Clarke!”

“Octavia,” she laughed, “I told you its totally-”

“If you should be apologizing to anyone it should be me, O. I told you no when you asked but you did it anyways. I thought I said-”

“Yeah, Bell, I know what you said. But I’m almost 21, I can handle myself. We need the money and she needs the room so why the hell not?”

“Because-”

“I’m not a little kid anymore.”

“I know that, O. Trust me.” He huffed with annoyance. 

“Then trust me when I say you are being ridiculous. Does Clarke look like she could hurt a fly?” 

His dark eyes flicked over to Clarke and she suddenly felt very nervous. A second later they were back on his sister. 

“What if she hadn’t been the one to show up, O? What if it had been some creep-”

“I would have called Jasper or Monty.”

He let out an exasperated laugh. “Really, they would protect you?”

“How dare you! You know they would.” Octavia looked livid. Bellamy looked ashamed. 

“I’m not questioning their loyalty, but I’m not sure they could actually-”

“Whatever, Bell. I’m not going to argue hypotheticals with you. I haven’t seen you in six months and I would really love to not spend my first hours with you arguing over something as stupid as this.”

For a minute Clarke thought he was going to refuse to back down. There was stubbornness in his face and his stance was one full of physicality and intimidation. However, his eyes softened and he sighed. After mumbling and apology he grabbed her bags and started up the stairs. Octavia turned her still flushed face to Clarke. 

“I am so sorry. I knew he would be like this, that’s why I put off telling him for so long. He will get use to it overtime.”

There was an uncomfortable knot in Clarke’s stomach. She loved the house, the location, Octavia… but she didn’t want to come between two siblings that clearly cared so much about each other. 

“Look, Octavia, I really appreciate you putting me up here but I don’t want to be a problem. If it’s easier I can just find somewhere else, I mean to be honest I didn’t put much effort into looking before-”

“No, Clarke. He will warm up to it I promise. Bellamy is always like this.”

“But-”

“No. You are staying. We have a spare room, you have spare money.”

“If you’re sure.”

“I am.” She smiled and grabbed Clarke’s hand. “I need someone to back me up in arguments.” They both laughed as Bellamy came back down the stairs. He rolled his eyes at them, but Clarke could swear she saw the hint of a smile playing on his lips. 

“Hey Bell, have you picked up the truck from Murphy yet?”

“No, I was planning on getting it tomorrow morning when I help him with the fence.” The older, grumpier Blake’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. “Why?”

“Do you think you could get it today, in the afternoon or something?”

“Why?” 

“Um, I wanted to swing by the supermarket.”

“Since when do you go grocery shopping? Plus Smith’s is walking distance. I got stuff there a few days ago anyways, there is no need to go out again.” He began to walk into the other room and Octavia groaned turning on Clarke. 

“You need to get him out of the house at 4.”

“What?”

“I have planned a party for him tonight, I called everyone after I found out he was back. It’s just a little welcome home thing, no big deal. If you could get him out for, like, an hour or so I could set up and then have it be a surprise.” Clarke had to give her credit, the girl wasted no time. 

“Octavia, I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Of course it is, everyone loves a good party-”

“No, I mean the party is fine but I don’t think he is going to agree to do anything with me for an hour.” And I don’t really want to have to deal with him for an hour on my own, she added silently. 

“Bullshit, I’ll make him.”

“Octavia,” she said warningly. The determined look on the brunette’s face was terrifying. 

“Hey Bell,” Octavia called into the adjacent room, “Clarke just told me that she found an apartment she is interested in! The only problem is that if she doesn’t go look at it today the opportunity is gone. She needs a ride, think you could pick up the truck and take her?” 

The was total silence for a good minute. Clarke glared at Octavia, seething. In a hushed tone she admonished the girl. “How the hell am I suppose to find an apartment to go look-” 

“Why can’t you take her, O? You know where Murphy lives!” Bellamy’s deep, disembodied voice called out. 

“You are really going to let me use your precious truck?” She winked at Clarke. “He never lets anyone drive the truck except Murphy, and even that’s only when Bell is on tour,” she whispered conspiratorially Clarke just rolled her eyes. She loved Octavia, but it was taking all her willpower not to strangle the girl. 

“Yeah,” his voice was hesitant, suspicious even. Octavia’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Really?”

“Yeah, take it.”

“Bell, I just got back from a long plane ride and I just want to watch some shitty television. Could you please grow a pair and take Clarke to see an apartment. Isn’t that what you want anyways, for her to move out?” She winced at Clarke in apology. Another moment of silence passed before Bellamy crossed back into the living room. His arms were crossed and his eyes narrowed. 

“What is this really about, O?”

The dark haired girl shot Clarke a pleading look. Maybe it was guilt for what she had told Bellamy the night before, or Octavia’s killer puppy eyes, but Clarke gave in. 

“Its about me trying to get out of your hair. I need a ride.”

He looked her up and down then shifted his gaze between both women before finally nodding. 

“Fine. What time do you need to go?”

“I need to be there at 4:30 so we should leave around 3:45 to make sure we are there with traffic and all.” 

“Is it downtown?”

She looked at Octavia who looked pleadingly at her.

“Yes.” 

“Wouldn’t it be easier to take a bus rather than try to find parking?”

“I don’t know the bus route.” 

He sighed in annoyance. “Fine. We leave at 3:20. I need to get the car from Murphy first, he lives a few blocks away.” 

She nodded as he retreated out of the room, his shoulders slumped in defeat. 

“Love you, big brother.” 

“Sure you do.” 

Octavia laughed and turned to Clarke. “Thank you so much. If he is an ass just think of all the alcohol you can use to forget about it tonight. Also, don’t worry. I will give him a beating if he is a jerk.”

Clarke just smiled weakly. Then she froze with a start. “Octavia, we have an hour to find an open apartment downtown.” 

“Oh, please. There has to be one. Come on, I’ll help you look.” 

“Why don’t you just do the party tomorrow, when you are more rested?” 

“You have work tomorrow.” 

“How do you know that?” Clarke asked, surprised. 

“Oh please, you leave those little lists you make all over the place. I found the one with this month’s schedule last week.” 

“Why does it even matter if I am there though, I mean its not like he and I are close.”

“No, but you are my friend and friends with my friends. Plus he needs to suck it up and learn to love you, I know he will.” 

Clarke gave her a look to demonstrate her utter disbelief that Bellamy Blake would ever love her. Or that she would ever love him for that matter. Want to jump him maybe, but love him? No. 

“Oh come on. Please, Clarke.” The joking was gone and Clarke could see how much this little surprise party meant to her. Octavia’s voice broke as she softly added, “He has been gone for six months.”

Clarke nodded at her and smiled. “We will find something, come on.” 

By 3:10 they still hadn’t found anything. 

“Oh God, why did you do this, Octavia?” Clarke groaned from her bed where she held her computer on her lap. 

The younger Blake was pacing the room. “We will make it work, okay. How about this, you tell him that you know where to go but then get lost, I mean it’s a big city right and you aren’t from here so…”

“He would just tell me to look up the address. This is the age of smartphones, Octavia.”

“Um, okay. So you leave your phone here-”

“Octavia!”

“What? We have to come up with something, Clarke!”

“Does it have to be a surprise party? Can it just be a party?”

“Yes, he was going to surprise me and so I have to surprise him.” Octavia Blake looked remarkably like a three year old in that moment. Clarke groaned again. “Look, Clarke,” the other woman moved over to where Clarke sat. “He means a lot to me. I mean, obviously, he’s my brother. But, well, we… things were kind of fucked up when I was a kid and… we just… he just deserves something okay?” 

Octavia’s face was a somber, eyes wide and serious as she gazed up at Clarke from where she knelt by the bed. Clarke’s throat felt a little thick as she nodded. The five-year age difference between them felt more pronounced. She felt like she needed to protect the younger woman in her moment of vulnerability. 

“Okay, I’ll think of something. You just get everything set up here, okay.”

Octavia beamed up at her before wrapping her arms around Clarke. “Thank you so much. I will let you pick the movie for the next, like, ten movie nights.”

Clarke laughed and pushed the brunette off her. “Sure you will.” Octavia was a dictator when it came to movie night. 

Fifteen minutes later Clarke was being ushered out the door by a very grumpy Bellamy. Octavia waved them goodbye cheerfully and winked at Clarke when Bellamy turned his back on her to descend the front stairs. Clarke just rolled her eyes for what felt like the tenth time in the past hour. The Blake siblings would kill her, she was sure of it. 

She and Bellamy walked in silence for a few minutes, their only contact being the occasional brush of arms and his grunts to inform her they should turn. Soon the silence became unbearable for Clarke. She could handle it when avoiding him, but having to walk next to him was a different matter. 

“Thanks for doing this.”

He looked at her out of the corner of his eyes, as if trying to figure out if she was trying to pick a fight. 

“Its for O, not for you.”

She rolled her eyes for the eleventh time in the past hour. 

“What is your problem with me anyways? I get it, you don’t want a roommate. But I pay the rent; I think I’m a decent person. Why are you being such an ass to me?” She glared at him, hard. A wave a victory rolled over her when his ears turned pink in embarrassment. 

He just grunted in response. 

“Wow, now I really understand. Thanks for clarifying.”

It was his turn to roll his eyes. They continued in silence, but he began to actually vocalize (with words, the miracle) where and when to turn. Before long they arrived at their destination.

John Murphy was not a nice person. At least that was Clarke’s opinion. And Clarke’s opinion was the only opinion that mattered. 

He lived in a beat up house about five blocks away from Bellamy and Octavia’s home. The grass was dead and littered with beer cans, the paint had chipped so much it was virtually non-existent, and there was a lingering smell of cigarette smoke. When Bellamy had stopped in front of the house, Clarke thought he was doing it just to upset her. Then he opened the gate and, like a proper gentlemen, let her go first. If she was shocked by the house, she was more shocked when Bellamy didn’t bother to knock before walking in the worn front door, leaving it open in his wake for her to follow. Instead, she leaned delicately against the porch railing and tried to make the best of an uncomfortable situation. 

When Bellamy remerged from the home, followed by a man that she could only assume was Murphy, he smirked at her precarious position on the railing. She felt betrayed by the warmth that spread in her belly as he raked his dark eyes up her daintily crossed legs before continuing up to her emotionless face.

“Princess,” his devious grin grew a little wider, “this is Murphy.” She bit the inside of her cheek in frustration at the nickname before turning to the other man and politely saying hello. Murphy gave her a flippant smile.

“Not sure why you are complaining about this one living with you, Bellamy. Look at the legs on her.” She felt her blood boil as she pulled the skirt of her simple sundress down as much as she could. What an ass. 

“That’s because you don’t live with her.” No wonder they were friends, they deserved each other. 

“Fuck you. Both of you.” Fuming, she stomped off the porch, out the gate, and sat on the curb with her arms crossed. A few minutes later she could sense Bellamy behind her. 

“Come on, Princess. Let’s get this over with.”

“No.”

“No?”

“No. I’m not going anywhere until you apologize for what you said back there. And you better make him apologize.”

“Princess-”

“No. That was out of line and you know it. I don’t appreciated being talked about like an object to be ogled.” After a beat she added, “And my name is Clarke.” He stood silently behind her for a minute. 

“Would you just get in the car.”

“No.”

“Fine. Stay here.” She heard him retreat, a few mumbled words, and then the start of an engine. A few seconds later a beat up red pick-up stopped next to her on the road. Bellamy got out of the driver’s seat, slamming the door. He opened the passenger’s side and gestured for her to get in. 

“Get in, Princess. We are going to be late.”

“I said no. I don’t care if you don’t like me, you have to respect me.”

He paused for a beat. “I do respect you.” 

“Really?”

“For fuck’s sake- Murphy get your ass down here!” Murphy appeared a moment later, looking between the two of them with a slight smile on his face. 

“Yah, boss?”

“Apologize to the princess.”

“Clarke.”

“Apologize to Clarke.”

“What, you have to be-”

“Just do it.”

Murphy turned to her, annoyance in his eyes. “I’m sorry.” He looked back at Bellamy and held out his arms in defeat. “Happy?” 

Bellamy looked at her and she nodded. He turned back to Murphy and mirrored her nod. 

“Now would you please get in the God damn car?”

She got up and climbed into the car, delivering a withering glare as she passed Bellamy. Waiting impatiently, Clarke drummed her fingers against the open window while Bellamy said goodbye to Murphy and got into the truck. He started the engine and switched the radio to some old rock song, turning the volume down so the tune was faint. 

They ignored each other as he drove towards the looming skyscrapers. 

“So where are we headed?” 

“Michigan Avenue, I think.” It was the only street in the city she could think of. Bellamy raised his eyebrows. 

“Little pricy there, huh Princess.” She turned her head to look out the window. A few more minutes of silence passed before his gruff voice broke the pause. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Shocked, she whipped her head around. “What?”

“Don’t make me say it again, Princess.” Bellamy ran a tanned hand through his short, cropped hair. “What he said was out of line and I shouldn’t have condoned it. If someone had said that to O I would have decked them.” 

Clarke paused, trying to determine if this was a joke. Finally she replied, “Thanks.” He just nodded and silence fell over them again until the old, run down houses starting to turn into small city blocks and then eventually sky scrapers. 

“So what is the actual address of this place?” 

“Um...” She tried desperately to think of what to say. The whole Murphy situation had distracted her from the mission at hand. It was only 3:57. She had to keep Bellamy occupied until 5 at the earliest. Octavia had asked her to try and make it 6 or even 7, but Clarke wasn’t sure they could last that long without blood being drawn. 

Bellamy shot her a look from the driver’s side. “You do know the address don’t you?”

“Yeah, no, I definitely, um… let me think...”

“Surely you can look it up on your phone?”

“Oh yeah, one second.” She pretended to try to turn on her phone. “Oh, crap. I must have forgotten to charge it.” Clarke had failed drama class in high school. 

“Right.”

“It’s probably, um, just right somewhere, maybe over…”

“Princess-”

“No, I swear I remember, why don’t we just drive around for a while and-”

“There’s no apartment is there?” 

She didn’t have to answer; her wide, panicked eyes gave it away. 

“Fuck, I knew O would do something like this. I just didn’t think you would actually go along with it.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about, I-”

“Princess, you are probably the worst actress I have ever seen. I knew it the moment you said Michigan. There is no way you, or any normal person, could afford a place there.”

She held her tongue. He didn’t need to know that she most definitely could afford an apartment there. It didn’t even matter; she wouldn’t take her mom’s money anyways. 

“It’s a surprise party isn’t it? Fuck, O. I told her specifically that I didn’t want any parties.”

“Like you told her you didn’t want a housemate?”

To her surprise he actually laughed. Not the mean, snarky laugh she had heard before but a true, genuine laugh. Clarke couldn’t help but smile. 

“Exactly. I guess I should be used to it. The girl doesn’t listen to me at all. That ended the day she turned 10, I swear to God. She thinks she is such a sneak too, but I know exactly what she’s up to. I can’t believe she actually thought I would buy the whole ‘beach week with the girls’ thing. If I had a penny for all the times she has complained about the women at the vets office I would be a millionaire. I know she went somewhere with that boyfriend of her’s.” Bellamy’s voice was light and full of mirth. Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at how transparent Octavia was to her brother after all the girl’s boasts about her many secrets. Out of all the many surprises that she had received at the hands of Bellamy Blake, this had to be the biggest surprise of all. They were actually having a civil conversation.

“You seem close.”

“Oh, we are. I basically raised her. With my mom of course, but my mom passed when I was 19 and O was 11 so I got to deal with the truly shitty years.” 

“I imagine Octavia was quite the rebel.”

“Oh you have no idea.” A comfortable silence fell over them and Clarke couldn’t believe how much the atmosphere in the truck had changed in only a couple minutes. “So where are we going, Princess?” 

She looked at him for a moment, confused. “The apartment is fake.”

“Well, duh. We just established that.”

“Then why-”

“Well we can’t go back now. How long does she want you to keep me occupied?”

“She said five at the earliest but preferably six or seven.”

“Jesus, how long does it take to set up a shitty party?”

“She is really excited about it, Bellamy. Don’t-”

“I’m obviously not going to call it shitty to her face, Princess. Contrary to her beliefs, though, I am not much of a party person. She just likes to project her own interests onto others.”

Clarke snorted; Bellamy raised an eyebrow and smirked. “So what will it be, Princess?”

“Um, I’m not sure. I’ve been so busy at the hospital I haven’t had much time to explore. Why don’t you pick. This day is all about you, after all.” 

He scoffed and shook his head. “I’m not sure why.”

“She loves you, and you have been off risking your life to keep others safe. You are a hero. Heroes deserve a day about them.”

Bellamy’s grip on the wheel tightened a bit and he just stared ahead, silent. Clarke could sense something was wrong, but had no idea what it could be. To ease the tension she told him about the waffle place she had been dying to go to since she saw it on the Food Network. Her lighthearted comment did the trick. Snapping out of his thoughts, Bellamy smirked and teased her about her television choices. 

“Hey, say all you want but after you eat these waffles you will want to eat your words, Buddy.” 

“Yeah, alright.”

“I’m serious.”

“You always are, Princess.” 

In the end, he did eat his words. And four servings of waffles. 

As they walked back to the parking garage a few blocks away, Bellamy checked his watch. “We still have a little over an hour and a half until 7:00.”

“Well I gave you my suggestion for what to do, now it’s your turn.”

“Fine.” He paused to think. “How do you feel about Museums?”

Clarke had to fight as smirk as her mind flashed back to Octavia complaining about Bellamy being an old man. She could practically hear the girl’s fond yet sardonic voice. “Depends on the museum.” 

“Natural History?” She had been hoping he would want to go to the Art Institute, but natural history could be interesting too. 

“Lead the way.”

Clarke spent the next hour and a half listening to Bellamy go on and on about the various exhibits they saw. His vast knowledge various historical subjects was impressive, she couldn’t help but feel he had missed his calling as a teacher. On the way home, she shared this thought with him. 

“In another life, maybe.” He said after a beat. “I did start college you know. Half way through high school I got my shit together and got into a few places. Then life happened and I ended up dropping out after a year and a half.”

Despite her curiosity, Clarke didn’t probe farther. The look on his face was subdued, lost in what she assumed were unpleasant memories. Instead she softly said, “There is always time to go back. Octavia said you were gonna become a cop after you leave the service, you could go back to school instead.” 

Bellamy just shook his head. “Nah, its too expensive. I didn’t want O to get a roommate but her reasoning is solid. The house isn’t cheap to keep up and I finally persuaded her to start night school in the fall, so the payments for that are gonna start soon. I mean, its either school for her or for me, and O will always come first.” 

Clarke was startled at how candid he was with her about he and Octavia’s financial situation. She couldn’t push away the knot of guilt in her stomach. It wasn’t fair that someone (her) could be born with more money than Octavia and Bellamy would probably ever make. Bellamy must have picked up on her discomfort and quickly offered her a self-depreciating joke about how he would drive Octavia crazy if became a history teacher. The rest of the ride home was filled with light conversation and speculation about the party that awaited them. By the time they pulled into the short gravel patch on the side of the house that functioned as a driveway, Clarke had begun to genuinely like Bellamy. Once he lost the whole asshole thing, he could be pretty fun. If his smile was anything to go by, Clarke was pretty sure he felt the same about her. 

They walked up the steps to the suspiciously quiet, dark house. Bellamy tossed Clarke a lopsided smirk and a quick wink before throwing the door open and calling for Octavia, acting as if he had no idea that a party was waiting for him. As the lights flicked on and a crowd yelled surprise, Octavia threw herself at her brother. Clarke stood to the side, smiling at how well Bellamy acted surprised as each guest welcomed him home. 

A couple hours and a few drinks later, only Jasper, Monty, Miller, Murphy, and a couple girls Clarke has just met that night remained. They were gathered around the fire pit in the backyard sharing stories of their shared childhood and tossing small sticks and leaves into the crackling flames.

“We should have just gone for it, I’m telling you,” Octavia was saying. “We should have done that road trip senior year.”

“Yeah but LA is so far,” Monty replied, pouring himself another drink. 

Clarke smiled to herself as she half listened to their conversation. She was standing in front of the small fire next to Bellamy. Occasionally his large hand would offer her a leaf to throw into the flames. At one point his long fingers brushed against hers and Clarke blushed as she felt a warm heat spread through her body. 

“Being stuck in a car with you lot is my idea of hell,” Murphy joked. 

“Well you wouldn’t be invited, duh. You, Miller, and Bell were already out of school,” Octavia stated as if it was obvious. 

“You really think Bellamy would’ve let you drive to LA by yourself at 17?” Miller scoffed. Clarke heard Bellamy chuckle quietly next to her before raising his beer bottle to his lips. 

“He wouldn’t have had a choice, I would have just gone.” Octavia gave him an affectionate smirk from across the fire. Bellamy just grunted. 

“No, the way to do it would be to take an RV!” Jasper slurred. He gangly boy was noticeably drunker than anyone else. 

“How the hell would you have paid for the RV?” Murphy asked incredulously. 

“Love,” Monty replied without hesitation. Laughter spread around the circle and Clarke felt home for the first time in a while. Surrounded by such loving, caring, fun people made her feel warm. Or maybe that was the alcohol. Or the fire. Or the tall, freckled soldier handing her leaves. 

“Are you trying to tell us something, Monty? Did you get a new job?” Miller joked. “Do I need to file a report?” The cop’s smile suddenly disappeared as he looked in Bellamy’s direction. Miller cleared his throat. Clarke noticed Bellamy’s hand had frozen in the process of handing Clarke another leaf. Across the fire, Octavia’s laugh had died on her lips. 

After an awkward pause, one of the girls (Clarke thought her name was Maya, but she wasn’t totally sure) broke the silence. “Forget the RV, the gas would cost a small fortune.” It did the trick, suddenly everyone snapped back into the conversation. 

“Well, that solves it. We need to do it now that we have Clarke.” Octavia gave Clarke a teasing smile.

“Ah! Yes! That’s genius! Clarke has a small fortune!” Monty shouted excitedly. 

“Please, Monty, she has a gigantic fortune. We can do… like… a trillion road trips. We could go to the sun! Clarke can pay for a rocket ship!” Jasper looked at her like he genuinely believed Clarke could get him to the sun.

“Wait, what?” Bellamy looked around, confused. 

“Oh my gosh I can’t believe you don’t know!” Jasper slurred, putting one hand on Bellamy’s shoulder. “Claire is…Cl-Clarke is loaded! She is so much money.”

“Jasper…” Clarke warned; the look on Bellamy’s face had suddenly grown dark. 

“We don’t need Miller anymore,” Jasper continued, giggling between words. “Clarke knows General Candy… no General-”

“General Kane,” Monty threw in as Miller rolled his eyes. Clarke was still focused on Bellamy who had gone stiff. 

“Yep, him. And the mayor of this nation’s fine capital, isn’t that right, Clarkey?” 

“Jasper-”

“Oh and the boat, that boat!” Octavia screamed, her beer spilling over the edge of her cup as she jumped up from her camp chair. “Clarke needs to buy us a boat!”

As the rest of the group distracted themselves with a drunkenly ridiculous conversation about whether a yacht or fishing boat would be better, Clarke and Bellamy stayed silent. He no longer handed her leaves and she could feel the anger rolling off of him. 

“You could have afforded it.” He finally said, his voice quiet. The words were meant just for her. 

“What?”

He turned to her, familiar resentment building in his eyes. “You could have afforded an apartment on Michigan Avenue.”

“Bellamy-”

“No, fuck off, Princess.” The fond tone Bellamy had used when saying the nickname that afternoon was gone. Instead, he spit it out like a curse. The guilt in her gut turned to anger. It wasn’t her fault or her choice that her family had money any more than it was his fault that his family didn’t. Why should something as stupid as family fortune matter? 

“Why don’t you? God, to think I actually thought that I could tolerate you today. You really are just a selfish, irrational, jackass. So what if I didn’t tell you I have money? And so what if I have money? I came to Chicago to get away from that life, away from my mother and her connections. I wanted to start fresh!”

“So is that what this is?” His voice was biting. 

“Is that what what is?” So was hers. 

Bellamy moved closer to her, using his physicality to intimidate her. Clarke swallowed hard. “The pretty, little, rich princess is trying to ‘get away from it all’ and ‘start fresh’ because its just so damn hard to live with that silver spoon in her mouth!”

“How dare you!”

“No, how dare you. How fucking dare you use my sister to fulfill your privileged little need to ‘find yourself,’” Clarke could feel the others quiet and stare and her and Bellamy, but he seemed not to notice. His dark, heated eyes were focused on Clarke and Clarke alone. “I bet you feel real fucking good about yourself, I bet its real fucking fun to play poor knowing you can always run back to mommy’s money and connections. Well I have news for you, Princess; my sister and I are not your God damned charity cases. Our home is not some shithole for you to go on some bullshit discovery trip in!”

“Bellamy,” Octavia’s voice was quiet, but stern.

“No, O. I told you, I fucking told you not to do this.” He gave Clarke one more scornful glare before stomping back into the house, slamming the sliding door so hard it made Clarke jump. 

To put it simply, Clarke was livid. 

“Clarke, I’m so sorry. I’ll talk to him and make him…” 

Ignoring Octavia, Clarke marched after Bellamy. The last time Clarke had been this angry was when she left her mother in DC. She stomped into the house with her fists clenched in rage. When she didn’t see Bellamy on the first floor, Clarke took the stairs two at time. She didn’t bother to knock before bursting into his mom’s old room. Bellamy was pacing but stopped as soon as he saw her, once again coming in close to intimidate her with his formidable bulk. 

“What the fuck are you doing here, Princess?”

“I’m not finished with you!”

“And you think I give a-”

“No, you listen to me you piece of shit!” He raised his eyebrows but didn’t speak. “You don’t know me! You don’t know a single thing about me so don’t you dare judge me! You don’t know why I’m here; you don’t know what I have been through! You are an ass and-”

“Oh ‘cause I’m sure you have been through so much, Princess.” Bellamy’s voice dripped sarcasm and Clarke saw red. Before she realized what she was doing, she slapped him across the cheek. Hard. Resisting the urge to pull back and apologize, Clarke stared him down. Bellamy rubbed his cheek in shock; anger radiated from his every pore. 

“You leave me the fuck alone, Blake.”

He didn’t say anything, but his glare spoke a thousand words. 

“You don’t want me here? Too fucking bad. I’m here, I’m staying. But you leave me alone.” With that Clarke turned and walked back into the hall, slamming the door behind her. As she went back downstairs she saw everyone else gathered in the living room. They all tried to look busy and not like they had been listening to every word of her and Bellamy’s exchange. Monty moved towards her, no doubt wanting to offer some comfort, but she shrugged him off and moved into the kitchen. After grabbing a bottle of Vodka, Clarke made herself at home on the back steps. 

“To think I actually liked him for three hours,” she muttered bitterly to herself. Despite their progress that afternoon, it appeared Clarke and Bellamy were just oil and water.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I said slow burn I meant it.


	5. Meatless Lasagna

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! A few quick notes:
> 
> First, I know that I originally tagged this with PTSD. I planned on having Bellamy suffer from it but have since decided that it would be a little too complicated to write. Its a serious disease that I don't feel I know enough about to write a story line that does justice to its victims. Secondly, I want to thank everyone for their comments. They are so sweet and motivate me to keep writing :) Finally, I decided to make the rating M just because of some of the language in earlier chapters and references to sex in this chapter. Personally, I feel like it could still be rated teen but just to be safe I decided to change the rating. 
> 
> With that said, I hope you enjoy it!

Over the next two months many things changed in the Blake-Griffin household. 

Octavia began to spend more time with Lincoln, spending the night at his place at least once a week. Though Octavia never said it, Clarke was certain that her and Bellamy’s constant bickering played a large role in Octavia’s absences. 

Bellamy officially left the military in late May and began training to become a cop in early June. He let his hair grow out a bit more. By June pronounced black curls replaced the short, cropped hair of early May. Around the time he began training, a steady stream of women began frequenting his bed. In the early mornings when Clarke was either returning from or leaving for a shift at the hospital, she would see a new girl sneaking out his room in rumpled clothes. 

Clarke began dating the cute pediatrician she had met weeks before. On May 25th, after a particularly grueling day, he had grabbed her hand as she left and asked if she wanted to get a drink sometime. He was sweet and funny and a good listener. She called her mom for the first time in months after her first date with him. 

Dating Dr. Finn Collins was like a breath of fresh air. Clarke was able to just laugh with him in a way she hadn’t since she was in high school. The pediatrician was everything Clarke had wanted in a boyfriend. He always picked her up on time, called when he said he would, and knew just what to say to make her smile. Clarke’s favorite thing about Finn, other than his gorgeous smile, was how easy he was to talk to about anything and everything. From her issues with her mom to the assholes she dealt with a work, Finn was always ready to listen and offer advice. 

When they finally found a day they both had off, Finn drove Clarke to a fair an hour away in his hometown. As they wandered around, eating cotton candy and kettle corn, Clarke felt ten years younger. With Finn it was easy to forget the world. 

“I still can’t believe you wouldn’t work at the kissing booth.”

“It’s disgusting. You are a doctor too, I’m sure you can imagine all the bugs that would end up in my mouth.” Clarke shuddered at the thought while Finn laughed, tightening his arm around her shoulders. “Plus, you would end up getting sick too if you ever kissed me again.”

“Well who says I actually want to kiss you? Maybe the only reason I hang out with you is because you are passably good looking and around?” She shoved him away with a giggle. “You ass.” The wide smile he gave her made her mouth go dry. 

He grabbed her hand again as they walked, dropping down to place a small kiss on her cheek. 

“I think we should quit our jobs to do this every day.” 

“And just how would you pay for all my cotton candy if you didn’t have a job?”

“I would steal it. I’d do anything for you, Princess.” He smiled warmly and Clarke couldn’t believe how different the nickname sounded coming from his mouth. When Finn had first used it on their second date she almost asked him not to, but she was glad she didn’t. It’s a small victory when Bellamy curses out the name and all she can think of is Finn’s kisses and warm hands. Clarke was torn out of her thoughts when Finn suddenly tugged her towards the Ferris wheel. 

“Finn, that does not look safe.” The old ride was rusted in parts and looked like it had survived both world wars. 

“Oh come on, Princess. Live a little.”

“That’s what I’m trying to do.” 

He just laughed again, it sounded like summer to her ears. She couldn’t help but grin like an idiot as he broke into a run, dragging her along with him. 

As they lay together in his bed that night, Clarke turned towards his warm body. Her post-sex mind was fuzzy and soft and she suddenly felt overwhelmed by her feelings for Finn. Climbing back onto his naked body under the covers, she kissed him softly. 

“As much as I would love to, Princess, I don’t think we are going to be able to go for another round for a least half an hour.” 

She smirked and rolled off him, settling into his side. “Thanks.”

“What?” He barked out a laugh. “You don’t have to thank me for that, believe me. You more than paid me back the favor.”

She slapped his chest lightly. “No, you idiot.”

“Then what do you mean?” His voice was softer this time, more serious.

“Thanks for just… I don’t know. Just thanks for being here, being in my life.” 

He kissed her forehead. “Right back at you, Princess.” 

In the morning, when she woke with his chest under her fingers and his shoulder under her head, Clarke remembered the exchange and felt a little stupid. She must have sounded like a sentimental teenager, relishing in her first real boyfriend. Finn was far from Clarke’s first. Gazing up at his peaceful, sleeping face, however, Clarke couldn’t quite make herself regret her words. He made her feel like a kid again, after all. Like she could start over and reinvent herself. Finn was her fountain of youth and she planned to drink him up. 

Despite the many changes, many things stayed the same in the Blake-Griffin household. 

Octavia still picked the movie every time she and Clarke had a movie night. Clarke’s various lists still littered the house (much to Bellamy obvious annoyance). Jasper, Monty, Miller, and Murphy came over at least three times a week, even if it was just to say a quick hello. Clarke and Bellamy only acknowledged each other when fighting. 

To her credit, Octavia did her best to mediate the feuding housemates. Her warning looks and exasperated sighs often made both Bellamy and Clarke feel too guilty to continue an argument. Clarke quickly noticed how the younger Blake would disappear with her brother after particularly nasty fights, not doubt calming him down before seeking Clarke out to do the same. 

After one exceptionally loud quarrel in mid June, Octavia dragged Clarke onto the back steps. It had all began with a disagreement over whether or not the trio should order extra sauce on their pizza and had ended with Bellamy spitting out a bitter “Whatever the hell you want, Princess,” before throwing the phone down and storming out of the room. As they sat on the back steps, Clarke couldn’t help but feel like a little kid in time out. She was afraid to look at Octavia and see the disappointment in her eyes. 

“I mean, I get y’all don’t like each other,” Octavia finally said after a few minutes of silence, “but this is just getting ridiculous, Clarke.” For a moment Clarke didn’t reply. She let the summer breeze whip around her hair and tried to push her embarrassment aside. Octavia’s voice was quietly resigned, the product of weeks of suffering through her brother’s volatile relationship with Clarke. 

With a conciliatory sigh, Clarke finally turned to the girl next to her. “Maybe it would just be easier if I left.”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Or maybe the both of you could grow the fuck up.”

Clarke looked down in shame. Octavia was right, after all. She and Bellamy behaved like five year olds. 

“Look, I know he is an ass, Clarke. I’m not saying that he is in the right because he sure as hell isn’t. But if you could just try to have a little patience with him it could go along way.”

“How am I suppose to be patient when he does everything in his power to piss me off?” This wasn’t all her fault; she and Bellamy had gotten along fine the day of his surprise party. He was the one who chose to ruin everything. 

“I know, I know. He just… He is just an angry person Clarke.” Octavia sighed deeply. “There are a lot of things I love about my brother. I would die for him; I would do anything for him. But there are a lot of things about Bellamy that I wish I could change too.”

“You and me both.”

“I’m serious, Clarke.” 

Clarke just nodded in response, guilt twisting in her gut. 

“We didn’t have an easy childhood, him and I. Often, money was short and we had to make do. I think that’s partly why he got so upset when he found out about your money. I don’t mind, I know how the world works. But Bell, he just is very bitter about how we grew up, I think.”

“We don’t have the same dad, you know,” Octavia continued. “His dad was only in the picture for a few years before leaving our mom high and dry. My dad, well, I have no idea who he is or if he even knows I exist. Mom never talked to me about him and if Bell knows he hasn’t shared that information with me.”

“Octavia-” 

“No, just listen. I’m okay with that. It sucks; I mean I wish I had a dad. I wish I could look forward to my dad walking me down the aisle, I wish my dad had threatened my prom date if I wasn’t back by midnight, I wish my dad had taken me fishing and taught me how to ride a bike and been there to tuck me in at night.” Her voice was thick with emotion and Clarke had to bite back tears as memories of her own dad flooded her mind. “It sucks, but I’m okay because I had Bellamy.” At this Octavia finally broke, roughly wiping tears off her cheeks. “Bellamy taught me how to ride a bike, Bellamy threatened my prom date, Bellamy took me fishing. He braided my hair and played dolls with me and took my friends and I to the mall. Bellamy will walk me down the aisle and dance with me at my wedding. He has always been there and I love him so much. I’m so thankful that I have him and I’m so grateful for everything that he has done, but he isn’t perfect, Clarke.” At this Octavia turned to face her, grabbing her hand. There were tears in Octavia’s eyes and Clarke’s chest felt tight. This was the most open Octavia had ever been with her. 

“I know how hard it was for him to have to raise me. For a while I thought he had everything figured out, that he was untouchable. But things changed when my mom died. I was only 11 but I grew up a lot that year. Looking back now, I know that’s how it was for Bell too. When he was 8 and suddenly had a baby sister to take care of, he had to grow up. When he was 19 and suddenly my guardian, he had to grow up even more. I took away his childhood from him and it just-” Octavia fell apart with a sob and Clarke pulled her into her arms. 

“Octavia, you don’t have to explain everything to me. I’m sorry, I don’t want to drive a wedge between you and Bellamy. I don’t want to make things harder, okay? So if you need me to leave-” Octavia pushed her away, gently, shaking her head. 

“No, Clarke, you don’t get it. I’m not trying to get you to leave. I… I just…” she struggled to find the right words. “Bellamy is a tough guy and a great brother but he has been through a lot. These three tours,” she paused for a moment, looking out at the small yard bathed in the evening light. “He is different. I don’t know what happened, he won’t tell me, but he is different. Even before that though… he spent most of his teenage years with Murphy when he wasn’t with me. They were the tough kids of the neighborhood. He did what he had to in order to make sure we got by. When he wasn’t stirring up shit with Murphy he was working to help put food on the table.” She turned back to Clarke. 

“I’m not telling you all this to make you feel guilty or like you have to leave. I mean it when I say I want you to stay. I like you, Clarke. You’re like the sister I never had.” Octavia released a watery laugh. “I mean, I love Bell and Jasper and Monty but it’s just different having a girl to talk to.”

Clarke offered her a small smile. 

“Anyways, I just want you to know that he isn’t a bad person.”

“Octavia, I don’t think that. Just because we fight doesn’t mean I think he is a bad person.” 

Octavia nodded. “Okay, but… just try to understand where he is coming from and just try to have patience. I know he is a shithead and I know the things he says to you are not at all okay and I’m like you, when someone says something fucked up to me I don’t back down. But right now, Bellamy isn’t himself. I mean he is, in a lot of ways, and I’m not excusing all his faults because I’m old enough to know my big brother isn’t perfect. But… Clarke… He isn’t the same. Its like this every time he comes back and I know that eventually it will be okay again but its gonna take some time. I’m helping him through it and I know that Miller is helping him through it because if anyone gets what its like over there its Miller. But Clarke, I’m just asking you to give him a chance. I saw y’all before the fight at the party. I know y’all are capable of getting along. I know it’s hard, and I’m not expecting you to not defend yourself or anything but just try to understand.” She let out a deep, shuddering breath and ran a hand through her hair. It was a move Clarke had seen her brother make a million times.

“I do, Octavia. Thanks for this. For opening up.” Octavia just nodded at her and wiped at her nose and eyes. Clarke pulled the younger woman in for a tight embrace. After a minute Octavia pulled away with a watery laugh. 

“Okay, enough emotional bullshit. You go order Chinese, we will just forget about the pizza.” She got up and moved into the house, no doubt seeking her older brother. Clarke stayed on the back steps for a while. She watched the sun set over the roofs of the rows of houses behind the tiny yard. Guilt and anguish gnawed at her heart. She knew Octavia left a lot out about her childhood; there was definitely a lot that she seemed to hold back. On the quiet steps soaked in the dying light, Clarke decided to give Bellamy another chance, or at least try to have a little more patience like Octavia had asked.

“I swear to God, the more I learn about the Blakes the less I know,” she murmured before getting up to order dinner. 

Over the next week, Clarke took Octavia’s advice to heart. That isn’t to say she didn’t fight with Bellamy, because she most certainly did. However, Clarke tried to remain at least somewhat civil and wait until the third derisive comment instead of attacking after the first. If Bellamy noticed a difference, he didn’t mention it. Octavia, on the other hand, gave Clarke a small grin and mouthed, “thanks.” 

Unable to fully release her frustration with the older Blake’s attitude at home, Clarke began to vent to Finn to release her anger. When they sat on the couch in the break room during lulls in their shifts, he patiently listened to her rant about the latest shit Bellamy had pulled. Whether it was mowing the non-existent lawn at 8:00 in the morning or purposely taking hour long showers when he knew she needed to get in before work or the line of ladies he brought home (which Clarke found exceedingly obnoxious for some reason she didn’t quite understand), Finn soaked in her every word. Occasionally he would interrupt to agree with her or make a comment about Bellamy’s behavior. 

One late night, as they sat in the stairwell sharing a sandwich, Finn suddenly stopped her in the middle of a rant.

“Why do you live with him if he is such an ass?”

It took Clarke a moment to switch out of rant mode. “Well… I don’t know. I really like Octavia.”

“You can still be friends with Octavia but not live with her.”

“Yeah, but she want’s me to stay.”

“I’m sure she would understand, Clarke.” 

Clarke was sure she would too, but for some reason the thought of moving out tied her stomach in knots. She quickly mumbled out an excuse about having no idea where she would live if she did decide to leave. 

Finn seemed to hesitate a moment before offering for her to move into his apartment. “I mean I know we have only been together a month, and I know that’s not a terribly long time at all. But I really like you, Clarke. And it could just be temporary if you want, just until you find another place. But honestly anywhere sounds better than dealing with that self serving dick.” 

Clarke’s mind flashed back to her conversation with Octavia a little over a week before. “He isn’t all bad.”

“Really? Because you spend at least three hours a day complaining about him. If I wasn’t so sure you hate him I would probably be jealous.” 

“No, I mean… I don’t know.” She paused for a moment before his tense posture made her remember his offer. “And as for moving in with you, I really appreciate it Finn.”

He scoffed, preparing for her rejection. Clarke put her hand on his arm. 

“No, really. I do. It’s sweet. But it’s a little too soon for me. Plus, like I said, I don’t want to move out. The location is perfect and other than Bellamy I really do enjoy living there.”

Finn covered her hand with his and looked at her softly. “Okay, if you are sure, Princess. But if you ever need me to beat him up feel free to call.”

She let out an incredulous laugh; realizing too late Finn was serious. He hadn’t met Bellamy yet and as great as Finn was, Clarke knew Bellamy could easily win in a fistfight with the doctor. 

When she finally got home at 6:00 in the morning, Clarke immediately poured herself a bowl of lucky charms. As she sat in bed eating the sugary cereal, she realized that she wanted to involve Finn more in her life. She didn’t just want him to be someone she hooked up with or someone who would listen to her rants. He had been willing to let her move in with him; surely she should make some sort of move in return to demonstrate that she was serious about their relationship too. While rinsing her bowl in the sink a few minutes later, Clarke toyed with the idea of inviting him to dinner at home. She wanted him to meet Octavia, and she would be lying if she said she didn’t want Finn to finally see the infamous Bellamy Blake in all his glory. Nodding a simultaneous hello and goodbye to Bellamy’s most recent conquest on the stairs, Clarke made up her mind. It was time for Finn to meet the Blakes. 

Octavia all but screeched in excitement later that afternoon when Clarke told her about inviting Finn to dinner, Bellamy just grunted disapprovingly from his seat at the kitchen table. Ignoring the older Blake, Clarke focused on Octavia. 

“I was thinking the day after tomorrow would be good. Neither of us have evening shifts that night.” 

“Oh, that’s perfect!” She screeched again and Bellamy winced. “I cannot wait to meet the famous Dr. Collins!”

“It would probably be easiest to make something simple, like some pasta dish or something.” 

“No, we have to go all out!”

Bellamy groaned but Octavia continued on without hesitation. 

“There has to be an appetizer and then some meat dish and then something for dessert! Oh and-”

“It’s a no to the meat dish, Finn is a vegetarian.”

Bellamy groaned louder, both women ignored him. 

“Okay so no meat, we will go with the pasta idea! And some kind of pie would be good! Maybe Bellamy can make lasagna or-”

“If you think I am making Mom’s lasagna for some punk that wont eat meat then-”

“Oh shut up, Bell!” Both Clarke and Bellamy froze with shock as Octavia whirled around, anger flashing in her eyes. Her voice went dangerously low. “You are going to make lasagna and you are not going to complain. You are not going to be an ass. You are going to be nice.” 

“Octavia-”

“No, Bellamy. You don’t get to mess this up for Clarke.”

He looked exasperated, eyes darting between both women. Finally he rolled his eyes and mumbled a resigned “whatever” while Octavia smiled triumphantly. 

“Perfect, it will all be perfect,” the brunette told Clarke. 

It was not perfect. 

Clarke had to give Bellamy credit. He did his best to be civil for the first hour. When Finn showed up with flowers and chocolates, Bellamy didn’t roll his eyes. When Finn talked about his passion for working with children and how he wanted to change the world one “boo-boo” at a time, Bellamy didn’t let out a mocking laugh. When Finn asked multiple times if the lasagna had meat, Bellamy simply said no. 

Everything was fine through dinner. Octavia asked Finn about his time in the Peace Corp and laughed at his stupid jokes. Finn was a great entertainer, regaling the small dinner party with stories of his childhood, his time abroad in Indonesia helping orphans, and his work at the hospital. Through all of it, to Clarke’s shock, Bellamy remained courteous. He forced a smile at the jokes, answered the questions addressed to him, and held his tongue when Finn was used cheesy lines on Clarke. 

Everything was fine through dinner. It was after half the pie was eaten and the four of them sat full and contented around the small table that the calm ended. 

“Well, that was delicious.” Finn smiled graciously at his hosts. “To whom do I owe a thanks for my food?” 

“That would be my big brother,” Octavia smiled. If Finn was surprised, he hid it well. 

“You are quite the cook, Bellamy.” The only response he got was a small nod. A moment of silence fell over the table. Finn, who Clarke had noticed long ago was not a fan of silence, broke it. “So, Octavia is receptionist at the vet’s and a barista, Clarke works in the emergency room, what is it that you do, Bellamy?”

“I’m currently in training to become a cop. I should be given my badge and assignment in the fall.”

“What did you do before that?”

Clarke could see where this was going. She and Finn had discussed philosophy and politics a few times before and she knew how he felt about the act of war in general. Desperately trying to avoid the inevitable, Clarke suddenly said, “Well, I’ll get the dishes if-”

“I served three tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. I just retired from the military last month.” 

Finn got uncharacteristically silent and Clarke knew that the surprisingly successful evening was about to take a turn. 

“Oh. So you support that, huh?”

“Finn, don’t,” Clarke warned. 

Bellamy tensed and Octavia caught onto why Clarke had tried to change the subject. She quickly tried to suggest they go out and get a fire going but Bellamy interrupted his sister before she could finish. 

“Yes, I do. I support defending innocent people and my country.” His voice was cool and collected.

“Do you honestly believe that’s why we went into the Middle East?” Finn asked with a hint of superiority. Clarke braced herself for Bellamy’s anger, but it never came. Instead he remained silent, his usually emotive face as unreadable as a stone. After a long pause during which his eyes never left Finn’s, Bellamy’s deep voice filled the room. His tone was low and controlled. 

“I don’t have to justify myself or my actions to you. I don’t need your approval nor do I care for your opinion.” 

The men continued their staring match until Clarke reached out and touched Finn’s arm. “Come on, Finn, help me collect the dishes.” Finn’s eyes finally left Bellamy’s and found hers. 

“Whatever you say, Princess.” His words were warm again and Clarke thanked all that was holy the night had not erupted into an argument. A moment later it was clear Clarke had jumped the gun on her thanks. 

As soon as the nickname left Finn’s mouth, Bellamy abruptly stood up and stupidly said, “Her name is Clarke,” in a voice that was a little too loud. 

“I know her name,” Finn replied tersely. 

“Then use it.”

“Bellamy-” Clarke and Octavia spoke at the same time but Finn cut them off. 

“What is your deal, man?”

“My ‘deal’ is that I don’t take kindly to guests coming into my house, eating my food, then insulting me.”

“No, I don’t just mean tonight.” Bellamy furrowed his brow as Finn continued, his grip around Clarke’s waist tightening. “Clarke tells me about all the crap you say to her.” Clarke watched an angry blush color Bellamy’s face. “I don’t know what your problem is, man, but you need to chill out and learn some manners yourself. Clearly nobody taught you how to treat and respect women.”

Tension filled the air. Bellamy kept his dark eyes fixed on Finn, who didn’t back down from the threatening glare. Octavia stood, mouth agape, shifting her gaze between the men while Clarke tried to push Finn towards the door. 

“Get out of my house.” 

Clarke turned back to Bellamy. Once again, his voice had been calm and collected, but dangerously low. His eyes, however, were no longer on Finn. They were fixed on her and filled with betrayal. 

Later, when she was wrapped in Finn’s arms and snuggled deep in Finn’s comforter, Clarke couldn’t stop thinking about how, out of all the things that had been said over dinner, it was the nickname that set Bellamy off. The neon, red numbers of Finn’s alarm clock told her she had been up for two hours. In the dark, surrounded by the Finn’s quiet snores, Clarke realized that the one thing she hated more than an angry Bellamy Blake was a Bellamy Blake who felt betrayed. 

As Clarke slowly opened the front door the next morning, she couldn’t decide which Blake she dreaded facing more. Octavia, Clarke was sure, would be upset that Clarke had spoken so ill of her brother to Finn. Bellamy, Clarke had no doubt, would be angry about the entire exchange. She darted up the stairs, hoping to avoid both siblings for a little longer. Just as she crossed into the hallway, however, Octavia stepped out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel. The brunette froze in place, staring at Clarke. 

“Octavia, I just want to say-”

“Forget it, Clarke.”

“No, Octavia I-”

“Clarke, I’m not mad.”

“I didn’t- wait, what?”

“I’m not mad. I get it, you have to vent to someone.”

“I swear I didn’t tell him anything that you told me, none of your personal stuff. It was all just me complaining about our fights.”

Octavia nodded and turned towards her room. 

“I’m sorry for his comments too, about Bellamy.”

“I’m not the one that needs the apology, Clarke.” Despite her words, Octavia sounded colder than Clarke had ever heard before. 

“Octavia, I-”

“I need to get dressed Clarke. I think you should go say something to him,” she nodded towards Bellamy’s door and Clarke tried to swallow her fear at the thought of facing him. Sensing her apprehension, Octavia offered her a weak smile. “I’ll come to your room once I’m dressed if you want to talk. But only if you go say something to him.”

Clarke nodded. “Thank you.”

“Be nice.” Octavia disappeared into her room and Clarke turned towards Bellamy’s room. It was 8:00 on a Saturday morning, so she was certain he would be awake. Octavia hadn’t lied when she said Bellamy was up by 6:00 nearly every morning. Hesitating a moment before knocking, Clarke tried to calm the anxiety building in her gut. Finally, she rapped her knuckles against the wood. 

“Go away, O. I told you yesterday, I’m not repainting the door today. I’ll do it on Tuesday.” 

“Its not Octavia, its me.”

The silence that fell was heavy. Clarke debated giving up and retreating to her room but before she could the door opened. Bellamy had a white tank top covering his broad chest and his sweat pants sat low on his hips. His dark hair was still ruffled from sleep. 

“What do you want?” There wasn’t any anger in his words, just weariness. 

“I just wanted to apologize. What Finn said last night about your service, it was out of line.” 

Bellamy looked hard at her as if he was trying to determine whether she was serious or not. Finally, he nodded. “Don’t worry about it. You didn’t say it. Plus, everyone is entitled to their opinion. If your leaf munching, world saving, vegetarian wants to hate the wars and believe I don’t respect women he can.” He turned back into his room, beginning to close the door. Before he could get it shut, however, Clarke stuck her foot in the way. 

“Wait, I’m not done.” 

He sighed and turned back to her. “What?”

“I’m sorry if… I didn’t… The things I told him, Bellamy,” the man’s eyes suddenly wouldn’t meet hers, “ They were just stupid things. Stupid fights and stuff. I’m sorry if that offended you.” It wasn’t a matter of if and she knew it, Clarke had seen the hurt in his eyes the night before. 

Once again, Bellamy Blake surprised her. “Don’t worry about, Clarke. I get it.”

Relieved, she nodded and turned to go but he caught her arm. Electricity shot through her at the contact and she swallowed hard. “What?”

He was silent for a moment, his gaze heavy on her face. “I’m sorry too, Pri- Clarke… if I ruined things.” 

“You didn’t ruin it. Everything just kind of…” she tried to find the right words. 

He offered her a small, understanding smile and Clarke was reminded of those glorious few hours when they had gotten along. 

“You should invite him over for Octavia’s thing tonight, unless you have work.”

“What?” She was shocked. 

Bellamy narrowed his eyes and seemed to collect his thoughts. “Look, I’m going to be honest, I don’t particularly like the guy. But if he makes you happy or whatever… I think O liked him for a while and I know Jasper and Monty probably would.”

“But, Bellamy, are you-”

“I’m sure. I’ll just stay away from him and he’ll do the same if he knows what’s good for him. Just ask O about it.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Being… nice? Giving Finn another chance?”

“I’m not giving him another chance. I’m just not getting in the way of your life.”

“But-”

“Look do you want to invite him or not?” She nodded yes slowly, suspicious eyes not leaving his. “Good, then make sure its fine with O and do it.” 

Bellamy withdrew into his room and closed the door behind him, leaving a stunned Clarke on the other side. The man was impossible to predict, Clarke concluded. That or he felt bad about the night before too. 

Octavia was more than willing to give Finn a second chance too. “Just because he and Bell have some differing opinions is no reason to ban him from the house. Plus if Bellamy said its fine for him to come then I don’t see why he shouldn’t.” 

“Are you sure, because I don’t want a repeat of last night?”

“I’m sure, Clarke. Finn seemed nice and funny as hell. He will probably be a lot more comfortable in a party setting than a dinner party with your roommate and her brother. Plus it would give him a chance to see Bellamy in a different light too.”

“Thanks, Octavia. He really is a good guy.”

“I know Clarke, I haven’t doubted that for a second. He seems to make you really happy.” Octavia smiled and grabbed Clarke’s hand, squeezing it tight. “If he makes you feel anything like the way Lincoln makes me feel, I don’t think I could ever dislike him.” 

It was settled; Finn Collins would be invited back to the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Done! I've already started on the next chapter so that should be up in the next few days. I already have a plan for another multi-chapter fic I want to write so I'm getting more motivated to finish this one up (but I promise I won't rush it, this is probably going to be a pretty long story). 
> 
> I just want to say it was hard to write Flarke. I was never really a fan of them, Bellamy was my favorite character from the beginning (I just have a thing for attractive assholes) so as soon as Finn began challenging him I was not too into it. Plus he and Clarke's relationship was always a little too cheesy and fluffy for me. Anyways, I hope that I did his character justice. 
> 
> Next chapter y'all will learn a lot more about both Clarke and Bellamy's past and two more characters will come in, so there is that to look forward to!


	6. Fireworks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I lied. This chapter turned out to be a monster (no pun intended) so I split it up. In the second half, which I am still working on, the two new characters will come in and we will learn more about Clarke. In this first half we get a lot of backstory about Bellamy that hopefully clarifies things. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

After some strong convincing, Finn agreed to stop by after his shift ended that night. When he finally texted Clarke that he was outside, she became a bundle of nerves. Clarke really liked Finn and although they had only been together for a short month, she liked to think he could be long-term. It was very important that he make a better impression, because Clarke also had a feeling the Blakes would be in her life for a while. 

As she led him through the house to where people were gathered out back, Finn held onto her hand tightly. Clarke could sense how nervous he was about being back at the Blake’s. The night before (after they had gotten back to his place) it had been Finn’s turn to rant about Bellamy while Clarke just sat quietly on the couch, lost in thought. 

However, social gatherings of any kind were Finn’s element and as soon as Octavia’s friends surrounded him he began to open up. Before long, Finn had become the main source of entertainment. Seated in one of the camping chairs, he told story after story of his travels and experiences at the hospital. Jasper and Monty watched him with amazement in their eyes, hanging on to his every word. Octavia and Lincoln shared a chair and although they were mostly wrapped up in each other, the pair occasionally tuned into Finn’s latest tale. From her seat next to Finn, Clarke watched the other guests meander around the small yard. She was reminded of how safe and content she had felt all those weeks ago when Bellamy had stood at her side handing her dead leaves. Zoning out of Finn’s of story about the month he spent with a tribe in the Amazon, Clarke scanned the yard for a familiar, freckled face. She had only seen Bellamy once since the party started and his change in behavior that morning still had her bewildered. Part of her was aching to see if the change had stuck or if Bellamy was already back to his old self. Kissing Finn on the cheek and muttering something about getting another drink, she moved away from the fire and back through the sliding glass doors into the house. There were much fewer people inside. One couple she vaguely recognized was tangled on the couch and Murphy was leading a game of beer pong on the dining room table. There was still no sign of Bellamy. 

Pushing through the small crowd chanting Murphy’s name, Clarke worked her way into the kitchen to refill her cup and take a breather from the party. It was there that she finally found the man she had been seeking. He was talking to Miller in the corner by the sink. Although his back was to Clarke, she recognized the dark curls and broad shoulders under his navy blue tee. She must have been staring a little too long because Miller made brief eye contact with her before nodding to Bellamy and leaving the kitchen. 

“I haven’t seen you around much tonight.” Her voice made him start. She realized that he must not have known she was behind him. Bellamy turned towards her and ran a hand through his messy curls, shooting her a small smirk. 

“I told you, Princess, I plan to keep my distance from our lord and savior, Dr. Finn Collins.” His tone was incredibly lighter than it had been during their interactions in recent weeks. Despite the evident sarcasm laced bitterness, Bellamy seemed to be trying not to start a fight with her. Maybe miracles do happen. 

“That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a party in your own house.”

“Eh, I’m an old man now. These kinds of things aren’t quite my style anymore. Anyways, who says I’m not enjoying it? Maybe my definition of fun isn’t exactly sitting around listening to some the future winner of the Nobel Peace Prize tell stories about his life changing travels,” Bellamy said sarcastically while rolling his eyes and placing a glass in the sink. A second after the words left his mouth he froze and quickly added, “No offense, Princess.” 

Choosing to ignore his comment, Clarke asked him a question that had been chewing at her mind since her first real conversation with Bellamy months ago. “Why do you call me that?”

“What?”

“Why do you call me ‘princess’? You told Finn off for calling me ‘princess’ last night but here you are using it now.” 

“Because that’s my name for you.” He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“You can’t own a name.”

He just snorted and shook his head. “Clearly the name doesn’t bother you that much if you let the illustrious doctor use it.”

“Its different when he says it.”

Bellamy’s only response was a raised eyebrow. 

“It is,” Clarke insisted. “When he says it, its like…its like a pet name I guess. Like sweetheart or honey.”

“How do you know it isn’t a pet name when I use it on you?” Bellamy’s voice had taken on a seductive tone and his smirk reached devilish heights. 

She gawked at him and let out an incredulous huff. “Yeah right.” Clarke moved over to where he stood at the sink and dropped in her cup. She was closer to Bellamy than she had been in days and his body heat seemed to radiate outwards. Though her eyes were trained on the sink, Clarke could feel his steady gaze on her and for some reason it made her insides squirm. “Anyways, stop avoiding the question, Blake.” 

“What question, Princess?”

Clarke turned to face him, surprised at how warm his face looked. It was like a flashback to their brief time together in the city. “Why do you call me that?”

“It suits you.” 

She raised her eyebrows in question and Bellamy barked out a small laugh. 

“Just look at you. You are all manners and demands. The world runs on your command.” 

Clarke rolled her eyes and shoved him away, but a smile remained plastered to her face. 

“Hey you two.” Octavia came waltzing into the kitchen and grabbed another bottle of beer. “Do my eyes deceive me or are you shitheads actually getting along?” 

Both Clarke and Bellamy shrugged sheepishly, like children caught stealing cookies from the cupboard. Octavia let out a laugh and grabbed Clarke’s hands. “I think that inviting Finn was a fantastic idea! Everyone loves him and things are already better. And you,” she pointed to her brother, “you are so good.” 

“I think maybe its time to lay off the alcohol,” Bellamy said affectionately, staring down at his visibly drunk younger sister. 

“No, I mean it, Bellamy. Thank you for listening to me.” Octavia turned back to Clarke, “And thank you for dating such a fascinating guy. I’m not gonna lie, after last night I thought he was a dick for talking shit about my brother and I thought you were a dick for letting him talk shit about my brother but now,” the brunette paused to collect herself, “now I love you guys and I’m so happy!” She hiccuped once and skipped out of the kitchen, leaving her housemates in an awkward silence. 

Bellamy scratched the back of his head and tied to mutter an excuse about making sure Murphy hadn’t gotten in any fights but Clarke grabbed his arm before he could make an escape. 

“What did she mean, when she thanked you for listening to her?” 

Bellamy’s blush reached his ears and Clarke couldn’t help but notice how it made his freckles stand out even more. As she stared up at his face he refused meet her eyes. “Last night, after you left, I was pretty pissed. She talked to me for a while, told me that I should make more of an effort to be nice. That I shouldn’t be so harsh and judgmental. It was really her idea to invite Finn tonight.”

Clarke let out a quiet “oh” before releasing the thick, tanned arm she had forgotten she was holding. She tried to ignore how much she missed the warmth of his skin. 

“O said you had been making an effort to be patient with me, and I felt kinda shitty about how I had acted so...”

“No, no I get it. Thanks.” 

He just nodded and another awkward silence fell over them. 

“Well, I should probably go back out to the fire before-”

“Clarke, wait.” She paused halfway across the kitchen and turned back to him. Despite his impressive height and build, she couldn’t help but notice how much Bellamy looked like a little kid in that moment. 

“What?”

“I’m willing to try, if you are. I mean I doubt we will always get along because I’m gonna be honest, you drive me crazy, Princess. But maybe… for O we could.”

“Yeah. I’d like that.”

He nodded and she turned to leave, his gaze burning against the back of her neck. 

As Clarke lay in bed that night she stared at the ceiling that once was Bellamy’s and wondered what he was like as a kid. 

Over the next week Clarke quickly learned that the Fourth of July was a ritual in the Blake household. While they sat eating breakfast one morning, Octavia animatedly told her all about their tradition of going to a beach on Lake Michigan to watch the fireworks. 

“We have been doing it for as long as I can remember. First it was just Bell, Mom, and I but after Mom passed and Bell joined the army the others were brought in too. We always go to the same spot and build a big bonfire!”

“It sounds great! The Fourth of July has always been one of my favorite holidays.”

“Oh, me too! Its that one day a year where everything truly feels like summer! You have to come with us Clarke, all the guys are coming too, also Maya and Harper. Oh! You should invite Finn! I’m bringing Lincoln for the first time this year!” Octavia beamed with excitement at the prospect of including Lincoln so intimately in her life. 

“Well I’m pretty sure I have the day off but I need to double check. I’ll be sure to ask Finn though, hopefully it all works out.”

“Sounds good, but just be prepared. It is serious business preparing to go to the beach. Bell acts like its some mission or something.”

“Duly noted.”

“You two seem to be getting along better recently,” Octavia drawled out, her eyebrows raised. 

“Yeah, I guess we finally decided to grow up.”

“Well, I can’t say I miss how it was. I’m glad you two finally got your shit together.”

As if on cue, Bellamy walked into the kitchen complaining about the hot water bill and blaming Clarke and her extra long showers for the increased expenses. This in turn, prompted an argument that made Octavia question whether they really had, in fact, gotten their shit together. 

On July Fourth at 8:00am sharp Clarke found herself sitting on the carpet Octavia despised waiting for her marching orders. Maya, Harper, Monty, Jasper, Miller, Murphy, Finn and Lincoln were seated around the room. Blinking sleepily, Clarke let her head fall onto Finn’s shoulder while she watched Octavia and Bellamy argue over how best to transport the group to Lake Michigan. 

“I’m telling you, Octavia, the less cars the better. The parking there is always hell.”

“But it makes sense for people to take their own cars if they brought them, that way they can go directly home afterwards.”

“What about drinking, huh? Is everyone going to agree not to drink? If we take fewer cars there are fewer designated drivers. People can just stay here tonight and leave in the morning.”

Octavia paused before huffing out an indignant breath. She knew she had lost. “Fine. How are we gonna split up.”

“I can take four in the truck. Miller can take four-”

“I can take four in my car,” Finn called out. Bellamy barely gave him a glance of acknowledgment. Octavia smiled and thanked Finn.

“So who goes with who?”

“Well we need to figure out drivers first. I’m not letting any of you fuckers drive my truck, so I won’t drink. Miller do you care? Does anyone plan on not drinking?” 

Maya raised her hand to indicate she didn’t plan on drinking before adding, “I also need to leave early because I leave for Memphis early tomorrow morning, so I can borrow someone’s car and take back anyone wanting to come back early.”

“You can have my car, Maya,” Finn smiled. 

“I’m fine with not drinking, Blake.” Miller chimed in. 

“Alright, now we just need to divide up into groups.” 

Thirty minutes later, everything was finally figured out and planned. Harper, Monty, and Jasper would drive to the beach with Maya at 9:00 am to secure a good spot on the shore. Miller, Octavia, and Lincoln would leave in the afternoon to meet them in Miller’s car. Finn, Clarke, Murphy and Bellamy would come last in the evening bringing dinner with them. 

After saying goodbye to Harper, Monty, Jasper, and Maya, Clarke busied herself helping Octavia and Lincoln prepare food while Finn made an alcohol run with Miller. She was quite excited for the night. The Fourth of July had always been one of Clarke’s favorite holidays. Her family used to meet Well’s family on the National Mall early in the morning and spend the day playing board games and snacking. She had fond memories of growing up with Wells on the worn blanket they brought every year. This would be her first Fourth away from D.C. and Clarke was determined to make it a memorable one. 

At 4:00, after helping to load coolers and chairs in the bed of the truck, Clarke climbed into the back and settled next to Finn. On the drive there they rolled down the windows and Murphy turned the music up a little high. With her hand linked with Finn’s and her hair blowing in the wind Clarke felt like she was back in high school. 

She caught Bellamy’s gaze in the rearview mirror a few times and offered him a smile. They hadn’t stopped their bickering since their conversation in the kitchen a week before, but he had made an effort to be more civil and she had done the same. 

When she began singing along to a particularly catchy 80’s song, she found his eyes in the mirror. His dark eyebrows shot upwards in amusement and his lips curled up in a smile. 

“Having fun, princess?”

Out of the corner of her eye Clarke saw Finn whip his head towards Bellamy at the nickname. She could swear Bellamy’s smile grew a little wider at Finn’s reaction. Ignoring the ridiculous tension between the two men, Clarke just laughed and told him to keep his eyes on the road. 

They built a bonfire at the beach and ate watermelon, hot dogs, and beans as the sun went down. At one point in the evening, Finn managed to convince the younger members of the party to swim in the lake. Clarke laughed until her sides hurt as she splashed in the cool water with him and watched Jasper try to convince Bellamy and Murphy to join them. While Murphy remained steadfast in his protests, Bellamy eventually broke down when Octavia begged him to get in the water. 

When Bellamy yanked off his top, Clarke suddenly found it a little harder to breath. Her difficulty was only made worse when he broke the surface after submerging himself beneath the water to cool off. Water droplets dripped from his dark hair and rolled over his muscled chest. Her eyes followed the water’s path down his torso before settling on the trail of dark hair that disappeared under his trunks. She swallowed hard, soaking in one last look before allowing Finn to pull her into his arms and distract her with his warm mouth. 

When the sun finally set, the group sat around their fire roasting marshmallows and talking about everything and nothing. 

“What about you Clarke?” Octavia looked at her expectantly. 

“Hmm?” Clarke hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation. Instead her thoughts had been in the past, remembering how she use to celebrate the holiday with her family and the Jahas in Washington.

“How do you feel about fireworks?” 

“Oh, I love them! The Fourth was always one of my favorite holidays growing up. My family would always go to the National Mall with our close friends to watch the fireworks. I always had such a fun time and fireworks were always the big finish.”

“See Murphy, everyone loves fireworks, you are just a grump.”

“Nah, I agree with Murphy.” All eyes turned to Bellamy. 

“How can you hate fireworks?” Finn asked incredulously from his seat next to her causing Clarke to stiffen. The last thing she needed right now was another stand off between her housemate and her boyfriend. 

“I don’t know. They are just noisy and pointless. I mean the amount of effort that goes into something so fleeting just seems stupid.”

“But they are beautiful and fun, that isn’t pointless,” Harper threw in. 

“I guess,” Bellamy replied. He sounded unconvinced and all of sudden Clarke felt the urge to persuade him that fireworks really were worth it. 

“Sometimes the fleeting moments are the best I think.” Bellamy met her eyes from across the fire, his face unreadable. 

“Plus,” Monty cut in, “they are a nice way to celebrate the day. I mean what better way to both celebrate the country and commemorate those who fought to get us here than a bunch of exploding lights in the sky?”

Bellamy and Miller stayed silent as Maya added, “Yeah, its one big, beautiful thank you to guys like you who are American heroes.”

“I guess,” Miller finally said. “In a way it’s a good tribute to the guys who died overseas.”

Bellamy’s face was unreadable as he stared into the flames and something in Clarke’s gut clenched. Soon the conversation took a lighter turn as Octavia entertainingly rambled on about her crazy customers at the coffee shop. Finn pulled Clarke away from the fire and they walked down the beach together, hand in hand. 

“Thanks for inviting me, today. It’s been a blast. I haven’t been swimming in the lake in forever.” 

Clarke smiled over at Finn and squeezed his hand. “I’m glad you came. Everything is more fun with you around.”

They walked in silence for a few more minutes before Finn spoke again. “I’m happy that things are working out with your housemates and their friends. I really like this group.”

Clarke hummed her agreement. “They love you. Not that I’m surprised.”

Finn smiled at her warmly before kissing her soundly on the lips. “Hey, have you ever been skinny dipping?”

“Finn, there are families everywhere here.”

“That’s not an answer to my question, Princess.” He wiggled his eyebrows playfully before tugging her along. Laughing, Clarke half-heartedly told him to stop. When Finn finally did stop, they were on a secluded part of the beach. He turned to her and smiled suggestively. 

“I dare you to do it.”

“You dare me? What, are we five?”

His only response was pulling off his shirt and suddenly Clarke was no longer focused on joking around. 

“Finn-”

“Come on, Princess, its not a true holiday without a little nudity.” With that he stripped down completely and jumped into the cool water. Clarke hesitated for only a moment before throwing off her clothes and joining him. It was something that the old Clarke who lived in Washington D.C. would never have done. It was new and exciting and rebellious and fun and in that moment Clarke loved Finn more than she ever had before. 

The fireworks started as they were walking back to the bonfire. Finn grinned up at them boyishly and talked animatedly to Clarke about the fireworks he had seen in China once. Several kisses and giggles later they were back at the bonfire where the group sat staring at the sky with delight painted across their faces. 

As she settled against Finn’s chest, her body nestled between his thighs, Clarke sighed happily and watched the bursting colors in the sky. She felt at home and at peace. After a moment her blue eyes left the sky to watch the people around her. Maya’s head had fallen on Jasper’s shoulder and the boy looked down occasionally as if needing to remind himself he wasn’t dreaming. Octavia was snuggled up to Lincoln more focused on the man than the fireworks. Monty gave a small, adorable gasp of delight with each new explosion while Miller smiled at his antics every now and then. Murphy sat off to the side on his phone and Harper lay in the sand smiling wide. 

There was one very noticeable absence on the beach. Clarke remembered the withdrawn and guarded look on Bellamy’s face earlier and suddenly felt the urge to make sure he was okay. Part of her wanted to stay wrapped up in Finn’s warmth, relishing in the soft, hot kisses he pressed against her neck, but something drew Clarke to her feet instead. She whispered an excuse about needing to find the bathroom before trudging back up the beach towards the road.

She found him in the truck. He was sitting on the driver’s side leaning back against the chair. There was an unlit cigarette between his teeth and an untouched bottle of gin in his hands, but all that Clarke could focus on was the anguish in his eyes as he stared blankly out into the night. 

If Bellamy noticed her open the passenger’s door and climb into the truck, he didn’t let it show. She didn’t say anything, instead she chose to mimic his position and watch the bursts of color in the night sky. The whooping and cheers of people on the shore sounded distant with the doors closed. It was like being in ship above Earth watching life go on below. 

Clarke wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that, but after a time the silence felt too heavy to her and she needed to end it. 

“You really shouldn’t smoke, Bellamy.”

He ignored her, continuing to stare blankly ahead. 

“Octavia told me you quit years ago. There is no need to-”

“Its not lit, Princess.” Bellamy didn’t look at her as he spoke. His voice was quiet and thick with hidden emotion. Clarke released a heavy sigh and reached over to his motionless figure pulling the cigarette out of his mouth before setting it on the dashboard. He didn’t try to fight her. Silence fell over them again and Clarke leaned back into her seat with a quiet sigh. She briefly debated leaving him to return to the beach and Finn, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that Bellamy shouldn’t be alone in that moment.

Clarke was just beginning to nod off when Bellamy finally spoke. The words were just above a whisper. 

“I’m a monster.” 

She looked over at him. He hadn’t moved since she got in the car and even now he still stared straight ahead. 

“Bellamy,” Clarke began, her chest tightening at the pained expression on his face. Before she could continue, the broken man beside her spoke again. 

“My mother,” he let out a shuddering breath, “if she knew what I’ve done… who I am…” he shook his head. “She raised me to be better. To be good.” Tears spilled down his face. “All I do is hurt people.”

“Bellamy-”

“I’m a monster.” His tears were now flowing freely and his eyes looked around wildly, focusing on everything and anything expect Clarke. He roughly wiped at his nose and let out a small sob.

Shocked at the sudden outpour of emotion, Clarke tried to calm him down. “You are not a monster, Bellamy. You may be a total ass half the time but you are a good person.” 

Bellamy’s eyes finally met hers and the utter grief she found in them broke her heart. 

“You don’t know what I’ve done, Clarke. Octavia doesn’t know what I’ve done.” His chest was heaving with panicked breaths. Clarke hesitated only a moment before reaching out and resting a hand on his wet cheek. 

“Bellamy-”

“No.” He ripped her hand off his face and turned away from her. “No, Clarke. I don’t deserve your pity or your sympathy. I’m not… I’m not worthy of it, okay? You don’t get it. None of you get it. Octavia thinks I’m still the same person I was years ago but I’m not, I’m not a good guy. I’ve done bad things, horrible things.” His voice broke and Clarke had to hold back tears. 

The Bellamy before her was so unlike the man she had come to know. All his bravado and physicality was gone. He was more vulnerable than anyone she had ever seen before. It scared her.

“Then help me to understand, Bellamy. Tell me.”

Bellamy turned back to her, searching her face as if trying to solve some riddle. His jaw ticked. When he finally spoke again it was quiet, so quiet that it took Clarke a minute to realize he was speaking to her. 

“The first two tours were bad. We were sent to these remote villages where militants were said to be hiding. It wasn’t always clear who was on our side and who wasn’t. We would get to a house suspected of harboring militants and we didn’t know who was who so we would always just end up shooting all of them.” Fresh tears rolled down his cheeks and he swallowed hard before continuing. “I had to shoot fathers in front of their kids; husbands in front of their wives. I just killed them. They were people; living, breathing people. And I took that away from them.” 

“That doesn’t make you evil, Bellamy. For all you know they could have been planning to kill massive amounts of innocents. You could have saved a dozen more lives by taking one of theirs.”

“But what if I didn’t? What if I killed innocent people whose only crime was being in the wrong place at the wrong time?”

“Bellamy-” 

“It was hell over there. I watched my best friends get blown to smithereens, felt their blood and brains on my face, got it in my mouth. These men who had families back home, who had done good things, who didn’t spend their childhood robbing people and beating kids up. They died out there and I got to live. Their wives will never get their bodies back, their kids can never know that they are close to the remains of their father. But I got to live. I of all people was spared.” He let out a bitter laugh.

Clarke’s chest felt too tight as she watched Bellamy continue to fall apart in front of her. 

“This,” he waved out at the fireworks still going off in the distance, “this is for them. Not for me. I don’t deserve this. I didn’t deserve O’s surprise party when I came back. I don’t deserve O. I don’t deserve you. Everyone called me a hero tonight but I’m just a coward. A coward who has dedicated his life to hurting and killing and destroying. I should have died out there… I wish I had died out there.”

“Bellamy, you don’t deserve any less than your friends did. You went over and risked your life to protect people back home. People like Octavia and Jasper and me. Octavia needs you, your friends need you, hell, I need you. If you had died those people out on that beach would be so lost without you. You went and fought to protect innocent people. I couldn’t have done what you did. You were willing to give your life for your country but that doesn’t mean that you should feel guilty because you didn’t die.”

Bellamy shook his head furiously. “But I didn’t go over there to protect my country or innocent people or whatever other bullshit noble reason there may be. I went because I needed money and because I wanted to fight something, someone. I was so angry after my mom- I didn’t do it for good reasons, Clarke. I left my sister, my poor baby sister who had just lost her mother, in the care of Jasper’s family to go kill in the name of truth and justice. I’m not like the guys I served with who did it for good reasons. They were good guys with good lives. They should have made it out, not me.”

“It doesn’t matter why you went over Bellamy-”

“But it does,” his sentence was split by a heaving sob, “I went because I was afraid of having to raise Octavia on my own. I ran away and left her and killed…I killed so many people Clarke. I can see their faces every night when I try to sleep, they haunt me all the time.”

“But you went back twice, Bellamy. Surely that wasn’t-”

He let out a watery, sardonic laugh. “That’s the worst part, Princess. I went back because I missed it. How fucked up is that? I fucking missed it. I wanted to go back to that hellhole instead of being with my little sister. Instead of finding a job and being there for her I wanted to go back to taking lives.”

“Bellamy-”

“But then as soon as I got there I regretted it. As soon as that gun was shoved into my hands and orders were barked out I just wanted to be home. I wanted to be 10 again and have my mother there with me and have my baby sister be safe and not to have to worry about everything. As soon as I was told to take a shot I wanted to vomit but I did it anyways. I fucking did it anyways.”

Bellamy shook his head and clenched his jaw. Clarke didn’t know what to say. Tears were flowing down her cheeks. 

“This time was the worst. This time I… I did the unthinkable. There was this woman. I can picture her as plain as day. I remember the color of her eyes, how small her nose was, how she clutched her tiny daughter so close.” Bellamy’s face had turned ghostly pale. Clarke felt sick to her stomach as she guessed where he was going with the story. “She… she was innocent. These guys we were hunting down had put a vest on her and were threatening to blow her if we didn’t give ourselves up. She was in a crowded marketplace; there were kids everywhere. My commanding officer, Shumway, told me to take the shot but all I could see was my mom and O and I hesitated.” His voice broke. “Because I hesitated I lost the clean shot, she moved in such a way that the only way I could take her out in time was if I took out her little daughter too.” 

Clarke’s heart pounded as Bellamy raked a shaking hand through his curls. His eyes refused to meet hers. 

“I didn’t want to, Clarke.” He finally looked at her pleadingly. His eyes were begging her to understand. “I didn’t want to. But there were so many other kids, so many people who would just be annihilated. And I had to…I had to.... I…” His words were lost as he wept. 

Clarke reached over and pulled his head roughly into her shoulder, she could feel his heavy sobs against her neck, drenching her tank top in his tears. His hands clung to her sides as if she was his only lifeline in a raging ocean. Doing her best to soothe him, Clarke rubbed his back and whispered comforting words into his ear. His whole body was shaking and Clarke could feel her own tears dripping down into the cotton fabric of his shirt. When he finally pulled away, Bellamy was once again calm, though tears still occasionally slipped down his blotchy cheeks. 

“I see them every night.” He said quietly after a pause. “That mother and her daughter, all the others I’ve killed, the soldiers who were blown apart in front of me, my own mother. It’s all my fault, Clarke. All of it.” He shook his head in disgust. “Finn was right. It was all pointless. I didn’t go there for good reasons and what difference does it really make, all the people I killed? Its not like I changed anything. All I did was end lives. I should have died over there. I should have been the one blown to bits. Finn was fucking right about everything.”

There was thick silence for a few minutes. Clarke’s mind raced, trying to find what to say, trying to figure out what he needed to hear. She had never seen someone fall apart so completely before and she was certain this was the most open Bellamy had ever been with anyone about what happened to him overseas.

“If you want forgiveness, Bellamy, I’ll give that to you. Okay? You are forgiven. I am so, so glad that you did not die. Octavia is beyond grateful you did not die. All those people down there? They all love you. Your actions were not pointless. You are not a monster. You did not and still do not deserve to die. I forgive you.”

He turned his gaze back to Clarke. It was heavy and unreadable. 

“You are not a monster. You are not a coward. Bellamy, I forgive you.”

Bellamy swallowed hard before turning away from her again, gazing off towards the fireworks. 

“They are going to start to wonder where we are.” His voice was unreadable, the emotional defenses he had so carefully crafted back in place. 

“We don’t have to go back yet.”

“You don’t have to wait for me.”

“No, we will go back together. Whenever you’re ready.” Clarke reached over and grabbed his large, calloused hand before leaning back in her chair. They both watched as the fireworks reached their crescendo before disappearing entirely from the night sky. The warmth of their intertwined hands provided both with silent comfort.

Twenty minutes later, when they found the others again, Clarke had to marvel at what a good actor Bellamy truly was. As Octavia beamed at him, babbling on about some stupid thing Jasper had done, Bellamy laughed and ruffled her hair as if he hadn’t been falling apart less than an hour before. He was doing it to protect his sister, Clarke realized. He didn’t want her to carry his burdens so he held up the world silently without complaint. 

On the drive home Bellamy’s eyes met hers in the rearview mirror. Though it was dark in the truck, Clarke could see the silent gratitude they offered. As she lay in her bed that night, Finn sound asleep next to her, all Clarke could think about was the utter heartbreak that had been in those dark eyes. The fear and vulnerability he had shown her haunted her dreams.

As the summer continued, it became clear to Clarke that something had shifted in her relationship with Bellamy. They weren’t quite friends, but their arguments were down to only once or twice a week. He joked with her a lot more and often sought her opinion in conversations. It was nice, she decided, to have Bellamy Blake on her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. That was my version of Day Trip; hopefully it did that episode justice because that is still probably my favorite episode of the series. The next chapter definitely will have the new characters and Clarke's background, I promise. Please don't hate me too much for not delivering the goods like I said I would! 
> 
> Also, as a side note, I do clarify some things in responses to comments and such so if you have any questions or anything feel free to look or ask down there. 
> 
> Thanks again for your sweet comments, it’s always lovely to hear from y'all!


	7. Blueberry Pancakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again the procrastination that will probably kill me this week has led to a new chapter for y'all. I hope it doesn't disappoint!

In early August Wells told her he wanted to come visit for a week and Clarke was over the moon. It was decided that in the last week of August Wells would fly to Chicago. After miraculously managing to get the week off work, Clarke bounded down the stairs of the small house to inform the Blakes. With Octavia nowhere to be seen, it was Bellamy who was first informed of the impending visit. Clarke nearly crashed into him as she rounded the corner of the TV room.

“Whoa, careful there, Princess.” He grabbed her shoulders to steady her as she faltered. “Where are you heading in such a rush?”

“Wells is coming!”

Bellamy’s face scrunched up. “What?”

“My friend Wells,” Clarke continued with a huge grin on her face. “I grew up with him and I haven’t seen him since I left DC in February. He is coming up on the 25th and staying for a week.” 

Bellamy laughed at her pure, uninhibited excitement. Finally releasing his hold on her shoulders he stepped back and pointed towards the back door. “O is outback tending her flowers, I’m sure she will be thrilled for you.”

Clarke flashed him one last wide grin before bounding outside to tell Octavia. 

Wells arrived on a Saturday and Finn drove Clarke to the airport to pick him up in the late afternoon.

“So tell me again how you know this guy?”

“We have known each other for as long as I can remember. We grew up together because our parents were so close. My mom and his knew each other as kids because they are both from old, political, DC families.”

Finn nodded. “And he does what again?”

“He is a lawyer for a private firm in Washington.”

“Alright and he majored in Poly-Sci at the University of Virginia, right?”

“Finn, calm down. Its okay if you don’t know everything about him, he will love you.”

He shot her a nervous smile, “Hey, can you blame me for being a little on edge? I mean you said this guy is basically your brother so I’m basically meeting your family for the first time.”

“Believe me, meeting Wells will be so much better than meeting my family.”

“So I will meet them someday then?”

Clarke looked over at him. Finn was determinedly looking ahead. He had been pushing her to introduce him to her family for days now, ever since she mentioned the possibility of going back to DC in September to visit Wells and her Mom. She had already met his family weeks ago when they made the hour long drive to visit him in the city. 

“Finn, you will. Someday. It’s just a lot more complicated than you think.”

“Then help me to understand, Clarke. Tell me why it is so complicated.” 

Clarke sighed exasperatedly. “Just drop it, Finn. I said no, okay?”

“Its just that-”

“We have only been together for four months, Finn!”

He looked over at her, hurt evident in his eyes. Clarke wanted to feel guilty, but she was too frustrated with how Finn seemed so much more attached to Clarke than she was to him. That wasn’t to say she didn’t like him, because she did, very much. But Clarke wasn’t ready to open up about her whole past to Finn. She had been trying so hard to be patient with him on the subject and to convey how she needed time, but Finn didn’t seem to ever get the message. 

“It doesn’t matter how long we have been together, all that matters is how we feel about each other.”

She didn’t respond for a long moment. “Finn, I care about you. I really do. But I’m not ready to make that step yet and I would really appreciate it if you would let it go. One day, yes, I will take you to DC. But right now I am not ready for that; I don’t even know if I am going to go yet.”

He was silent. 

“Look, I don’t want us to fight right now, okay? I want today to just be a good day. I want to pick up Wells, go get dinner with him, and have my two favorite men get to know each other.” 

Finn smiled. “Okay, Princess. Whatever you say.” 

When Wells finally appeared in baggage claim, Clarke nearly shrieked with joy before running over and pulling him into a tight embrace. She could feel him laughing against her. 

“Its been far too long, Clarke.”

“I can’t believe you are here!”

“I still can’t believe you moved here.” 

They hugged each other again and then went to grab his bags. 

“Finn is out front in the car.”

“This is the famous Dr. Finn Collins?”

“Yes, the very same.”

“So that’s still going well?”

“Yeah, it’s going great. I’ve never been happier. Except maybe when we went to Italy our junior year.” Wells didn’t need to know she was concerned about how fast Finn’s feelings seemed to be developing in comparison to her own.

“Good, I’m glad. You deserve someone who makes you that happy.”

They quickly found Finn circling arrivals and loaded Well’s bags into the car. Clarke introduced the two as soon as they got back on the road. Soon the trio fell into a pleasant conversation about Wells’ trip from the capital and Clarke felt a sense of victory at how well her boyfriend and her best friend were getting along. 

“So what is the plan for today, Princess?”

“After we drop off Wells’ stuff at the house I was thinking we could go into the city for an early dinner and then maybe walk around downtown.”

“Are your roommates coming?” Finn asked. 

“Please tell me they are, Clarke. I’m dying to meet the infamous Bellamy Blake.”

Finn chuckled and Clarke felt a pang of guilt run through her. The last time she had talked to Wells about Bellamy was back when they were constantly at each other’s throats. She hadn’t told him, or anyone, about Bellamy’s breakdown in front of her. 

“Um, I think they’re busy tonight.”

“Just wait until you meet him, man,” Finn said, looking at Wells in the rearview mirror. “He is a class A asshole.”

“Finn-” Clarke warned but Wells interrupted her. 

“Oh trust me, I’ve heard all about it.”

“He isn’t that bad, okay.”

Finn just gave her a funny look. Wells asked her what she was talking about. “You complained to me about him every day for more than two months, Clarke! You said he treated you like shit.”

“Well I wasn’t completely innocent in it either.”

“Clarke.” Wells sounded like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Look, I think he was just adjusting to me being there and to-” She abruptly stopped speaking when a thought crossed her mind. It was so obvious that Clarke was a little embarrassed she hadn’t realized it before. All that anger and resentment had evaporated after Bellamy let himself open up, after he was given some semblance of forgiveness. Yes he was an asshole and yes he could be the most stubborn, arrogant, pigheaded person she had ever known, but he anger those first few months hadn’t just been about her. It was everything. He couldn’t express himself to anyone for fear of being rejected so instead he took it out on her. Octavia had said it herself; he wasn’t himself after he came back. The realization hit her like a ton of bricks. Clarke couldn’t decide if she felt angrier that he had chosen her to take his pent up resentment out on or if she felt guiltier that she hadn’t realized it sooner and stopped telling anyone who would listen that Bellamy Blake was a shithead. But then again he was a shithead and just because he had no other way to release his anger didn’t mean that he could just-

Clarke was ripped from her thoughts by Finn’s voice. “Princess, Clarke! Are you okay?”

“What?”

“You kind of spaced out there, Clarke.” There was worry in Wells’ voice.

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine. Sorry.”

“We are almost there so you might want to text Octavia and tell her to tether the dog.”

“What? We don’t have a-” Her confusion turned into annoyance when she realized Finn was talking about Bellamy. She rolled her eyes at him, “Real mature.” 

Clarke thanked all her lucky stars that Bellamy wasn’t home when they dropped off Wells’ bags. Octavia was thrilled to meet the man she had heard so much about and all but insisted on coming with them to dinner. 

“I’ll just text Bell to let him know. He is doing something for training in the city, would you mind if I invited him?” 

Ignoring the look that Finn and Wells exchanged, Clarke nodded at Octavia. “Of course, if he is done in time.”

“Oh he should be. Thanks.”

They settled on a little Italian place in the city that Octavia had been to with Lincoln before. Over their bread and olive oil the small group asked Wells all about his life in Washington. Bellamy arrived a little over fifteen minutes after them and offered a quick hello to Wells. He was in his cadet’s uniform and Clarke couldn’t stop her eyes from lingering on his form every now and then. 

“So tell me Wells,” Octavia said with a mischievous smile as the food arrived, “What was Clarke like growing up?”

“Please Wells, save this for another time when I have more alcohol to distract me,” Clarke joked earning her a smirk from her old friend. 

“No chance, Griffin. I will have you know, Miss Blake, that Clarke here was a goody-two-shoes up until freshman year of high school.”

Clarke groaned. 

“Oh please, do explain.” Octavia said, laughing, and explain he did. He told them all about the little girl who refused to break even the smallest rule. How she had cried the day she accidently carried a book out of a store without paying and demanded Wells take her to jail. How when she was 10 she told off boys five years older than her for riding their bikes without helmets. How in 8th grade when a girl she was competing against in soccer pulled an illegal move, Clarke had the whole game paused for thirty minutes while she proved her point. 

Bellamy caught her eye in the middle of a story about 12 year-old Clarke being horrified after finding out she hadn’t sourced a book report correctly. He didn’t have to say anything, she could see the amusement in his eyes and the look that told her he wasn’t surprised at all. She stuck out her tongue at him, earing a lopsided smirk and a small shake of his head. 

“So enough about pre-high school Clarke,” Finn laughed. “I want to hear about what made her change her ways.”

“Wells-” He ignored her warning. 

“I don’t know what happened over the summer between 8th and 9th grade, but when we started at Mt. Weather Academy, Clarke was brand new. It all began when she decided that she didn’t like the new uniforms. Everyday she would try to change it just a little bit so that it was against regulation. It drove her mom crazy. After that she was a goner. Sweet little innocent Clarke turned into a rebel.”

“No I did not. Just because I didn’t follow every rule doesn’t mean I was some nonconformist.”

“I guess your right, that didn’t start until college. I’ll never forget the first series of drunk texts I received from this girl.” The table laughed as Wells shared anecdotes from Clarke’s attempts at teenage rebellion. After dinner they decided to walk to a little cupcake place that Octavia claimed was heaven on earth. Clarke fell into stride with Bellamy as Finn, Wells, and Octavia began animatedly talking about Clarke’s laughable attempt to run away at age 16. 

“I knew I was right about you.” His deep voice rumbled. 

“How so?”

“From the moment I met you I knew you were a goody-two-shoes growing up.”

“Shut up.”

“You know, you really shouldn’t have let him tell me about that horrible shoplifting incident in the bookstore. I am almost a certified officer of the Chicago Police Department. I’ll have to keep tabs on you.”

“Like Miller keeps tabs on Murphy?”

He laughed, drawing the attention of Octavia. “What are you two gigging about?”

The next few days passed in a blur. Clarke showed Wells the hospital, her favorite coffee places and bars, and took him to countless museums. 

When they were in the Art Institute gazing up at a beautiful Impressionist piece, Wells turned to her. 

“Do you still paint?”

“Wells,” she warned. He knew the answer to the question already. 

“I still don’t get why you stopped, Clarke. He would not have wanted you to stop. Your dad loved your art.”

“Exactly. All I can think about when I sketch or paint is him and it’s just… its just too hard Wells.”

“It’s been two years, Clarke. I know it’s hard to hear but you have to move on at some point.”

“It isn’t that easy-”

“I know, Clarke.” And he did. Wells’ mom had died when he was 13 of breast cancer. “I know its not easy but your dad wouldn’t want you to live as a shell of yourself. He was so proud of the pieces you created.”

“I’m just not ready yet, okay?”

“Okay. But promise me you will paint again someday.”

“Wells-”

“Promise?”

She sighed. “Fine. I promise.”

“Can I ask you something else?” She knew where this was going. 

“If its about her then-”

“Clarke she asks about you all the time. You have only called her once since moving here. What happened to him… I know you blame her but-”

“I really just want to enjoy our time together, Wells. I don’t want to talk about my mom.”

He looked at her for a long moment. “Fine. But you can’t keep avoiding your past. You have to face it, Clarke. You will be much happier if you do.”

She huffed in annoyance and disbelief. 

“You really haven’t changed at all since high school,” he laughed. 

“Shut up.”

That night Finn, Jasper, Monty, and Miller came over for dinner. They made tacos and watched Jeopardy and Clarke couldn’t help but feel more at home than she ever had. All her favorite people were gathered in one place and she truly felt like she belonged. 

When Clarke woke up it was still dark and the clock on her beside table read 3:03 am. For a few minutes she lay still in the silence trying to will herself back to sleep, but it was no use. After sliding off of Finn’s warm body and throwing on pajama shorts and an old, oversized t-shirt she tiptoed out of the room and down the stairs. 

Wells was sound asleep on the pull out couch. Clarke smiled at him fondly as she made her way into the kitchen. When she flicked the light on she was surprised to find Bellamy (very shirtless and very tired looking) sitting at the table, a half finished beer in front of him. 

“What are you doing up?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Princess.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said while opening the refrigerator. “I want something to eat.” 

Huffing with annoyance when nothing in the fridge tempted her, Clarke closed the door and sat down across from Bellamy. It was only then that she noticed the sadness in his dark eyes. 

“Hey, you okay?” Her voice was soft and she placed a reassuring hand over his on the table. They hadn’t talked about what happened at the beach that night, but every now and then she would catch him like this and just know what he was thinking about. 

Bellamy forced a smile and nodded. “Yeah, I was just… thinking.” Before she could probe further, he stood up and went to the fridge. Clarke reached over and took a long swig of his beer, trying and failing to ignore the way his sweatpants hung just right on his bare hips. 

“How do you feel about pancakes?”

“What?”

He turned to her, mildly annoyed, and held up a half finished carton of blueberries. “I asked how you feel about pancakes. Blueberry ones to be exact. I know you love blueberry waffles but we don’t have a waffle maker so-”

“I love blueberry pancakes, but you don’t have to make me anything, Bellamy.”

He shook his head and smiled, “Its no problem, Princess. I use to make them for O all the time when she couldn’t sleep. But she preferred chocolate chips to blueberries.” 

Clarke suddenly pictured a much younger Octavia sitting at the table while her big brother calmed her fears and made her a sweet snack. She got up to help him gather ingredients, hissing when he set the pan on the stove just a little too hard. 

“Be quiet, Wells is sleeping in the living room.”

“I’m doing my best, Princess. You are the one demanding food.”

“I’m not demanding anything.”

“Just sit down and let me do my thing.”

“Your thing?” She smirked at him and raised an eyebrow. 

“Do you want pancakes or not?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Then stop hovering, Princess.” Clarke rolled her eyes and jumped up onto the counter. Bellamy raised his eyebrows at her choice of location but did nothing to make her move. “You are still in my way.”

“You said to sit down so I sat down.” 

He laughed quietly. “You’re impossible.”

“Just shut up and make my food.”

“As you command,” Bellamy dramatically bowed before her and accidently dropped the cup of flour he had been holding. Clarke let out a bark of laughter before clamping her hand over her mouth. 

“Who’s being the noisy one now?”

She tried to kick at him but Bellamy easily caught her bare foot. Her nerves caught on fire at the contact. As he slowly stood, his hand trailed farther up her calf until it hit the backside of her knee and began inching towards her thigh. For a moment both of them stilled. Bellamy’s heated gaze moved up her body and Clarke was suddenly very aware of how much skin her shorts exhibited and just how evident her lack of a bra was in the loose t-shirt. 

Wells coughed in his sleep in the other room and the spell was broken. Bellamy quickly cleared his throat and dropped her leg. He went to clean the flour off the floor but she hopped down and stopped him. 

“I can do that, you are making the pancakes after all.”

He nodded and swallowed tightly before turning away from her. Clarke could feel a blush on her cheeks and the trail where he had run his long fingers still burned on her leg. She tried to push the moment out of her mind as she wiped off the floor. It was because he neglected to wear a shirt, she told herself. Bellamy was undeniably physically attractive and any girl would have the same reaction. She ignored the part of her mind questioning the dark heat that had been in his eyes and endeavored to think of Finn. 

“So, you and Wells, huh. How long have you known each other?” Bellamy was clearly trying desperately to fill the awkward silence that had fallen because she had already told him and Octavia the answer a million times. 

“Since birth. Our parents were really close. He is the closest thing I have to a brother.”

“He seems nice.”

“Yeah, he is a great guy. He has been through everything with me, you know.” She finished cleaning the floor and hoped back up onto the counter. Bellamy poured some batter into the pan before turning towards Clarke, leaning one hip against the counter. 

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Growing up, the awful dinner parties and fundraisers we had to go to with our parents. My mom is from an old political family so whenever his dad ran for office my mom would get really involved in fundraising and everything. I hated those events with a burning passion. It was always just a whole bunch of old people throwing their money around and telling me that Wells and I that we should get married.” 

Bellamy smirked. “Well a princess does usually end up with a prince.” 

Clarke rolled her eyes as he turned around to flip the pancake. “Its isn’t like that. It was never like that.”

“Really?”

“Yes. He was always just a friend.”

“I thought you went to prom with him.”

“Yeah but it wasn’t a date thing. I mean, I always saw him as my brother. Dating Wells would be weird.”

Bellamy turned back around and gazed curiously at her. 

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No, if you have something to say, then say it.”

He just chuckled and started on another pancake. “So tell me more about these events you had to go to.”

“Ugh, they were horrible. They lasted for hours and we all had to take pictures with everyone and act so prim and proper. One time, though, Wells and I snuck out.”

“What a rebel. This must have been after your grand transformation.”

“Oh, shut up. We crawled out a window in the hallway and spent the day at the National Gallery.”

“Princess, stop. This is too extreme for me to hear.” 

She rolled her eyes. “We were fifteen okay, it felt pretty rebellious. My parents were livid afterwards. I take that back. My mom was pissed out of her mind but my dad just laughed.”

“Why the National Gallery?”

“I wanted to be an artist. I use to sketch and paint all the time. There was an exhibit on Botticelli and I was dying to go, so Wells took me.”

“I didn’t know you liked art.”

Clarke smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, I don’t really sketch anymore.”

“Why not?”

“I just… things changed and… I just don’t anymore.” She wasn’t ready to completely open up to Bellamy about why she had run away from Washington. Clarke didn’t want to burden his already heavy shoulders with her sob story about her father’s death and the death of her interest in art. 

Bellamy looked at her closely, as if he was trying to read her. 

“I think your pancake is burning.” He flipped around to save the burning batter but didn’t let her off the hook. 

“Why did you decide against art school?”

“My mom wanted me to be a doctor like her. That was always the plan. I would be a doctor, Wells would be a lawyer and we would get married and have 2.5 kids and hold public office. The Kennedys of our generation.”

“I thought you and Wells never happened.”

“Just because my mom wanted it doesn’t mean I did. In fact, I think that her trying to push me into a relationship with him is part of why I never thought of him like that.”

“Yet you became a doctor and stopped painting.”

“Yeah, well…” she shrugged. “I’m not as rebellious as I wish I were.” 

Bellamy smiled again and a comfortable silence fell over them. Clarke sat on the counter lightly tapping her heels against the wooden cupboards. She watched Bellamy as he flipped pancakes, allowing her eyes to wander across his back. In the dim light of the kitchen she could see a scattering of scars across his skin. There was one particularly nasty looking jagged line of scar tissue across his left hip that drew her attention. Clarke looked away quickly when he turned suddenly after turning off the stove. He grabbed a plate piled high with warm blueberry pancakes and handed it to her. 

“Your Grace.” 

She nodded her head regally and he smirked. 

“You want syrup? Butter?”

“Do we have any peanut butter left?”

Bellamy scrunched up his nose. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, its delicious.”

“Princess-”

“Its how I have always eaten them. My dad did it too.” 

He sighed dramatically before going to the pantry and grabbing the near empty jar of peanut butter. 

“As you commanded.” 

“Thank you.” 

He watched her generously spread the peanut butter on her pancakes with an expression of mixed disgust and amusement. 

“I never will understand you blue-blooded types.”

“Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it.” She ripped off a piece with her fork and held it out to him. Bellamy eyed the piece of pancake suspiciously before grabbing the fork from her hand. Clarke tried not to think too much about the way his fingers brushed against hers. She watched him pop the pancake into his mouth before he began making a show of acting horrified and gulping down water while Clarke arched her eyebrows and kept eating her pancakes. 

“You are such a baby.” 

“Whatever you say, Princess.” 

She helped him clean up the kitchen after she finished eating. “Well, thank you. Those were perfect, Bellamy.”

“Eh, it was nothing. Go get your beauty sleep, Princess.”

Clarke’s eyebrows creased in concern. “Are you staying up?” Her eyes flicked to the clock. It was 4:17 am. 

Bellamy shrugged, suddenly looking a lot older. “I don’t get much sleep anyways.”

“You should try, Bellamy. Not sleeping isn’t going to help anything. It will just stress you out more. Trust me, I’m a doctor.”

He smiled wearily. “Its not really a choice, Clarke.” They haunt him in his sleep, he had said. 

“Just try. Please.” 

After a long moment he nodded and followed her out of the kitchen. As she passed through the living room she was glad to see Wells hadn’t moved since she came down. Once they got upstairs, they stopped outside Bellamy’s door. 

“Thanks again for the pancakes.”

“Consider it my way of saying thank you.” She didn’t have to ask what he meant.

“You know you can talk to me more, right? If you need to. I understand you not wanting to explain everything to Octavia right now, but its not good to just keep everything inside either.”

He just nodded and she turned to leave.

“Clarke, wait.”

“What?”

“Just… thanks.”

She smiled. “Goodnight, Bellamy.”

“Night, Princess.”

When she crawled back into bed next to Finn, Clarke fell into a peaceful, comfortable sleep. 

A couple days later she said goodbye to Wells. It was almost harder than when they had parted months before. As the held him tightly, Clarke couldn’t shake the ominous feeling in her gut that something was different this time. 

“Hey, Clarke, come on. Don’t cry.”

“I’ve just missed you a lot. You are the closest family I have right now and I just… I’ve missed you and I’m going to miss you so much.”

He fondly wiped the tears away from her cheeks. “We will see each other soon, I know it. You can come up next month, maybe even for Thanksgiving. And you know you can always call or skype me.”

She nodded and he hugged her again. “May we meet again, Clarke.”

Clarke hugged him a little tighter and repeated the phrase. She watched his back until he disappeared behind security. After he finally faded from view, Clarke turned around and walked back to where Bellamy sat. Finn had been called in for an emergency consultation leaving her and Wells in need of a ride. Bellamy had volunteered the second he heard.

“You ready to go home, Princess?”

She nodded and he stood, leading the way back to the truck. 

On the way home, Clarke stared out the window watching the city pass by. She was going to miss Wells. It was hard to say goodbye to the only man left in the world that she could really always count on. 

Suddenly Clarke felt a warm hand on her shoulder. “Hey, you’ll see him again, Princess.”

“I know, it’s just…”

“I know.” Bellamy offered her a small smile before changing the radio to the oldies station he new she liked. It was a tiny gesture of kindness, but Clarke was immensely grateful for Bellamy as they drove back home. 

After walking through the front door, Bellamy and Clarke parted. He went to the kitchen to start on dinner while Clarke flopped down next to Octavia on the couch to watch TV. 

“How’d it go?”

“Fine, his plane should be on time so that’s good.”

“I liked him a lot. He was very nice.”

“Yeah.”

The brunette grabbed her hand and squeezed briefly. “I know it’s hard to say goodbye, Clarke. But it isn’t really goodbye.” 

Clarke smiled gratefully at her roommate and the two women focused their attention on the melodramatic show Octavia had been watching. They were interrupted a few minutes later when the doorbell rang. Octavia started to get up but Clarke beat her to it. 

“I’ll get it.”

“Thanks.”

Clarke just nodded and headed back through the living room to the front door. She opened it to reveal a woman who looked only a year of so older than her. The first thing Clarke noticed about her was how pretty she was, all dark hair and olive skin. The second thing Clarke noticed was how pissed the stranger looked. 

“You Clarke Griffin?”

For a moment Clarke debated lying. The woman looked like she was capable of murder. “Um, yes. I am. And you are?”

“I’m Raven Reyes. We need to talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found it really hard to write Wells for some reason. Anyways, I hope y'all liked it. Thanks again for your sweet comments.


	8. Rum and Cokes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes I feel like I am writing a soap opera.

“Um, okay.” Clarke opened the door more and stepped aside, allowing Raven into the living room. “Uh, you can just sit over there,” she pointed to the couch. “Do you want anything to drink? I have-”

“Do you have any beer?”

“Yeah, uh, sure. One second.” Clarke walked to the kitchen, ignoring Octavia’s questioning look from the couch. 

“Hey Princess, can you tell O to tell the guys it will be about 30 minutes?” Bellamy had a dishtowel thrown over his shoulder. He stood at the stove pushing chicken around in the frying pan. 

“Um, yeah, sure.” Clarke grabbed a beer from the fridge. After a moments hesitation she grabbed a second one. Raven worried her. For some reason she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong. 

“You okay, Clarke?”

“Hmm?”

Bellamy put the spatula down and walked towards her, concern painted across his face. “Are you alright?”

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine, sorry. I’ll just tell Octavia.” As she left the kitchen she could feel his questioning eyes on her back. 

“Bellamy says to text the guys it will be thirty minutes.”

“Clarke who is-” Clarke continued walking and ignored Octavia’s questions. 

Raven had chosen a seat in one of the armchairs. The dark haired woman was fiddling with her keys nervously.

“Here,” Clarke handed her a beer before taking a seat on the couch. “So what is it?”

“Well, there isn’t really any good way to put this.” Her voice was cold and bitter but her eyes met Clarke’s defiantly. “I was just down at Sacred Ground visiting my boyfriend of seven years. My high school sweetheart, the boy next door, you know, that type of thing.” Clarke swallowed hard hoping that this wasn’t going where she felt it was. “I couldn’t find him in the his usual wing so naturally I asked one of the nurses on the floor. I’m sure you can imagine my surprise when a nurse told me I could probably find him with Dr. Clarke Griffin who he had been dating for four months.”

“Oh my God.” Clarke was shocked. Beyond shocked. She was stunned. Finn, who had been begging to meet her family, who had been so open and vocal about how much he cared about her, who had fucking offered to let her move in with him, was in a relationship. She, Clarke Griffin, was the other woman. She was the mistress. He had strung her along for 4 months and she had bought every second of it. 

“Yeah, I was a little shocked myself.” Raven said resentfully, glaring at Clarke. “I mean here I was, returned from a year in a fucking submarine expecting to come home to the guy I love being only in love with me.”

“Raven I-”

“I mean, its not like this guy has talked about marrying me time and time again. Its not like he has been my whole life for seven fucking years. More than seven fucking years.” She paused, taking a long drink of her beer. Clarke used the opportunity to talk.

“Raven, I had no idea, I swear. If I had known I never would have- I promise you I would have said no- I am not-”

“So he didn’t tell you then?” Raven searched her face as if to determine if Clarke was lying.

“I had no idea.” Clarke tried desperately to keep her voice steady as a wave of emotion rocked over her. He had used her. She had been the other woman. 

“Of fucking course.” Raven downed the rest of her beer. She looked over at Clarke, no doubt seeing the emotional turmoil she felt inside splattered across her face. Raven seemed to deflate a little, sinking back into the chair with a weary sigh. “I wanted so bad to come here and be pissed at you. I wanted to fight you and curse you out for being a man-stealing whore. I so wanted to blame someone other than him. But he played you too, played you like he played me. ”

“Raven, I am so sorry.”

She shook her head. “You didn’t know. He fucked both of us over.” 

The women sat in heavy silence, both lost in their thoughts. Clarke was torn between wanting to cry and wanting to yell. She hadn’t felt so betrayed since… well since her father had died. Finally, Raven spoke. Her voice was shaky but there was strength to her words. 

“Well, how would you like to go forget about this fucker with me at the closest bar?”

“I-”

“I’m really not pissed at you. I mean I am but I’m also smart enough to know that it’s an irrational anger. Finn was really the only person I hung out with on a regular basis before leaving and it would just be really nice to bitch about him to someone.”

“I’ll get my purse.”

Raven nodded and stood. Clarke quickly told Octavia she had to go without offering any details. She would tell her roommate eventually, but right now she understood Raven’s desire to only spend time with someone who actually understood how she felt. 

Three hours later the two women found themselves at a beat up, shady, old bar a few blocks from Clarke’s house. Their conversation, which had initially been brutally awkward, had fallen into a comfortable banter about their mutual ex-boyfriend. 

“He was all I had growing up,” Raven slurred. “I was convinced I would marry him. Ever since I was seven and he helped me build a tree house, I knew. What a load of bullshit.” 

Clarke finished off her third rum and coke. “He asked me to move in with him.”

“What!”

“We had only been dating for a month and he asked me to move in with him, I should have known something was up. He got way too attached way too fast.”

“No that’s just Finn. He is the sweetest person I know.” Raven paused for a beat. “He is also a fucking bastard.” 

“He clearly didn’t plan well, I mean imagine if you had come home and I was-”

“Living in his apartment, oh my God! I would have killed you!”

“I would have killed me too.”

“I just don’t get it,” Raven sobered a bit, looking intensely at her shot glass. “Why wasn’t I enough? I emailed him everyday and called when I could. We talked about it before I left, that when I came back we would get engaged. I just don’t understand what you have that I don’t.”

Even in her drunken state Clarke could feel shame building in her gut. “I don’t get it either, Raven. I would have picked you over me.”

Raven rolled her eyes but there was a small smile on her lips. “Its ‘cause you’re blonde. He always had a thing for blondes.”

“Its because he is a weak, lying, two-timing man.”

“That too. You want to know the saddest part, Clarke? I still love him. Even after this I still love the bastard.”

Clarke was silent for a moment. “Have you told him?”

“That I love him? Only a million times, lot of good that-”

“No, that you know about me. That I know about you.”

“Oh. No, the first thing I did when the nurse told me about you was figure out where you lived. I wanted to beat the crap out of you.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” 

“Me too. You aren’t too bad Clarke Griffin. I can see why that bastard likes you.”

“I can’t see why he would want to cheat on you.”

“Probably because he is a little asshole.”

“You should tell him.”

“We should do it together. Surprise him!” Raven gestured wildly as if to demonstrate the surprise. 

“No, just you. I don’t want to see him again.”

“Understandable.”

They sat in silence for a few moments as the bartender refilled their drinks with a pitying smile. 

“So what are you going to do?” Clarke finally asked Raven.

“About what?”

“You said you still love him, are you going to stay with him?”

Raven’s face fell and she sighed heavily. “I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t, it would be the stupid, weak thing to do. But… he is Finn.” She said it like it was the most obvious thing she knew. “For seven years he has been my life. How do you just let go of your life?”

Octavia was waiting up for her when Clarke finally stumbled in at 1:00 in the morning. 

“Clarke! Thank God! Where have you been? We have been worried sick! You didn’t answer your phone and you didn’t tell us where you were going or what was wrong! Bellamy has been freaking out and going all big brother over it. He is out looking for you now!”

Great, now she felt even guiltier. “I’m sorry, ‘tavia.” 

“You’re drunk.”

“Yep.”

“Clarke, are you going to tell me what happened?”

Clarke sighed and dropped down onto the couch next to Octavia. “I’m the other woman.”

“What?”

Clarke stared at the wall, avoiding Octavia’s eyes. “Finn has a girlfriend.” Octavia gasped. “He has for seven years. She was abroad working as a submarine engineer for the navy. They were going to get engaged when she came back.” 

“He told you all of this?”

“No, she did.”

“What? That’s who was at the door?”

Clarke nodded ruefully. “She went to the hospital to surprise him, a nurse told her about us.”

“Oh my God.”

“Yep.”

“But he seemed so nice, like the last person I would ever expect-”

“You are preaching to the choir. The bastard wanted to meet my mom, he asked me to move in with him once. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t feel as strongly for him as he felt for me but then he does this? I mean, who the fuck does that to someone?”

“A jackass, that’s who.”

“I just feel so bad, Octavia. Raven is so sad and so confused and she was going to marry him. She has loved him since they were kids and I ruined it. I ruined everything.” 

Octavia grabbed her shoulders and forced Clarke to look at her face. “No, Clarke. This isn’t your fault. You didn’t know. That bastard did this to her and did this to you.” 

Clarke didn’t respond. She finally gave into her tears and wept on Octavia’s shoulder while the girl whispered words of comfort. When the tears finally subsided Octavia pulled Clarke to her feet. 

“Come on, go to bed. Sleep will make you feel better and tomorrow we can face this, okay? I need to call Bellamy to let him know you are okay.” 

Clarke nodded and headed for the stairs. 

“Its not your fault, Clarke.” 

She just nodded weakly in response. Though the rational part of her mind knew it wasn’t her fault that Finn had cheated, she still felt responsible. 

When she woke for her shift the next morning, Clarke immediately regretted going out with Raven. Her head pounded and she felt like she had been run over by a truck. A shower didn’t make her feel any better. After sulking down the stairs she went straight for the front door. Clarke didn’t think her stomach would hold any food and she certainly didn’t want to have to talk to Octavia or Bellamy about what had happened. 

Clarke loved her job. She loved helping those in need, solving their bodies’ problems like riddles, stitching their limbs back together like touching up a masterpiece. She loved the relief on parents’ faces when she made their kids well again, the gratitude on her patients’ faces when she eased their pain. She loved the rush and the constant action she faced everyday. Sure, she had originally gone to medical school to make her parents happy, but Clarke had quickly learned that she was born to be a doctor. 

Clarke loved her job, but as she walked to work the morning after finding out Finn had been lying to her for months, the hospital was the last place Clarke wanted to go. She didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want to talk to him. She didn’t want to be reminded constantly of their relationship. 

Fortunately (though it wasn’t that fortunate for those in the emergency room), Clarke had an extremely busy day. There had been a major shooting nearby causing Clarke to work through lunch helping police officers and gang members live through the day. She only saw Finn once as she passed by the cafeteria. He had looked up at her and begun to stand, but she quickly turned and let herself get lost in the throngs of patients and doctors. 

By the end of the day, Clarke was no longer focused on how much he had hurt her, or how guilty she felt about what had happened. Now, Clarke was just angry. She was angry that he had used her, manipulated her into feeling so bad about not being at the same place as him emotionally. Yes, Finn didn’t understand how fucked up her trust issues already were, but that didn’t excuse him from only making matters worse. 

She slammed the front door when she got home, immediately stalking up the stairs to her room before one of the Blakes could find her. Clarke had always been better at coping alone. She needed to think, to stew in her wrath and bitterness. As she flopped down onto her bed (the bed that she and Finn had shared, she thought resentfully) Clarke whipped out her phone to call Wells. She hesitated, however, over the call button. Part of Clarke wanted to vent to someone, to tell him all the thoughts raging in her mind, but at the same time she was still embarrassed. Wells had been so delighted that she was with Finn, with someone who treated her well and who made her happy, she couldn’t break it to him. Not yet. She didn’t want to tell him how naïve she had been and how much of a fool she had made of herself. Huffing in frustration, Clarke threw the phone down next to her. She lay on her bed staring at the ceiling until the sun began to disappear and the room grew dark. Below her, Clarke could hear a mumbled conversation taking place in the kitchen. Pots and pans clanged and chairs were scraped across the floor. Neither Bellamy nor Octavia bothered her; they seemed to sense that she needed to be alone. 

At some point she must have dozed off because Clarke was woken by a crack of light falling right across her eyes. There was a tall, bulky shadow at her door. 

“Clarke?”

“Bellamy?” Her eyes adjusted to the light. He was standing by the door, one hand holding a plate and the other scratching the back of his neck nervously 

“I just… I thought you might be hungry so…” He stepped farther into the room and held the plate out to her. “It’s a Rueben.”

Clarke flicked on the light on and watched Bellamy blink at the sudden brightness. “Thanks, but I’m not very hungry. You can just put it on the table.”

He nodded and put the plate down before turning to leave. Just before he crossed the threshold, however, Bellamy turned back to her. “You know he is asshole right? He doesn’t deserve you, Clarke.” His voice was gentle yet firm and Clarke could sense the anger underneath. She had the sudden urge to spill all of her secrets to Bellamy Blake.

“I just feel so stupid.” 

He looked at her for a hard moment before making up his mind to close the door and come sit next to her. Clarke continued speaking after a moment. 

“I feel like I should have known or maybe I shouldn’t have been so trusting. I don’t know.”

“Its not your fault, Princess.”

She flinched at the name as Bellamy realized too late that Finn had used it too. Before he could apologize, however, Clarke spoke again. 

“Everyone keeps saying that, but it is my fault. I shouldn’t have been so stupid; I shouldn’t have let myself stop thinking clearly. I should have picked it up when we visited his family and they all looked so surprised. The signs were there but I was just too blind to see them.” She could hear her voice becoming higher pitched as she got more upset. Tear’s burned in her eyes. 

“He just made me so happy. For so long I have felt too overwhelmed and serious and like an adult but he made me feel like I was 15 again. After my dad died I didn’t think I would ever feel that kind of freedom and innocence again.” Clarke knew she was sharing things she always tried hard to contain, but she was just so angry and hurt and confused that her words kept tumbling out like a freight train. “I came here to try and feel that way. I wanted to get away from DC and my mother and everything because it all just reminded me of my dad and of losing my childhood. I wanted a fresh start and when I met Finn I just-” 

Her voice broke as she finally released a long held sob. Although her watery gaze was focused on the carpet below her feet, she could feel Bellamy’s eyes on her. His warm arm wrapped around her shoulder when she started crying and Clarke let herself lean into his half-embrace. 

“He just made me laugh. Everything was simple and fun. He was like summer after a really, really long winter and I thought… it’s so stupid, but I thought that maybe I was meant to meet him. Maybe he was the reason I had picked Chicago because if anyone was going to make me feel like I did before my dad died it would be Finn.”

Bellamy said nothing. His hand was in her hair now, stroking it soothingly. 

“And I have been so frustrated with myself for the past four months because here is this great guy who has done all these amazing things and who everyone loves and who has me meet his family only a month and a half in and asks me to move in with him and wants to meet my family,” Clarke gasped for air as her words rambled out. “And I couldn’t get myself to care about him as much as he obviously cared about me. I couldn’t get myself to open up enough and to let myself just love him back. I have been trying so hard to be able to trust and to just let myself be more transparent to people and then this fucking happens.” She let out a bitter, watery laugh. 

“After my dad died… it was horrible. It was so messy and complicated and my mom… I got really distant from her because it was all just so… I just couldn’t trust the people I thought I could anymore. For the longest time I even ignored Wells because I wasn’t sure I could trust him. And slowly, so slowly I learned to trust people again and even though I still don’t really talk to my mom anymore I want to. I want to open up to her again and I thought that Finn would help me do that. He made me feel so happy and like the world maybe isn’t so shitty after all. I was working myself up to being able to trust him enough to tell him all about my fucked up family and I thought if I could do that I could talk to her again. The first time I called her in months was after our first date.”

Clarke stood suddenly and began pacing angrily. 

“I needed someone I could trust so that I could learn to trust and open up again but he just lied to me! He made me the other woman! He made himself seem like this perfect guy but the whole time he was stringing me along! I just feel so betrayed and so angry and just… How could he do this? How could he not tell me?”

Bellamy’s dark eyes followed her from his seat on her bed. 

“Why does everyone just end up being an asshole in the end?” She finally turned to him. Bellamy looked at her for a long moment before standing. 

“Not everyone is an asshole in the end, Clarke.”

Her scoff was quickly silenced when she felt Bellamy’s big hands firmly grasp her shoulders. His face was serious, eyes intensely looking into hers. 

“He is a piece of shit, Clarke. Don’t let him change the way you think about yourself, don’t let him have that. You don’t need him to let yourself open up or be more trusting and don’t you dare let him make you more afraid of caring about people.” 

Clarke could feel more tears slipping down her cheeks, but she couldn’t break her eyes away from Bellamy’s. 

“He is an asshole for doing this to you. You aren’t stupid; there is no way you could have known what this fucker was up to. You saw how everyone loved him, he had everyone fooled.” 

“Except you. You never liked him.”

“Yeah I thought he was full of shit but I didn’t think he was a fucking two-timing bastard.” 

She let out a sad, watery laugh and Bellamy pulled her into his chest. In the back of her mind Clarke thought hugging Bellamy should be awkward, but it wasn’t. He was warm and big and smelled good. She let her arms wind around him and allowed herself to fall apart in his arms. He used one, strong arm to hold her close to him while the other cupped the back of her head, reassuringly. 

“Don’t let the bastard get you down, Clarke.”

After a while Clarke’s tears came to and end. She let herself stay in Bellamy’s arms for a few extra seconds before pulling away. He gazed down at her with a strange look in his eyes. Sniffing, Clarke wiped her eyes. “Sorry for your shirt.”

His dark green t-shirt had a huge wet spot near the shoulder. Bellamy laughed quietly. “I don’t care about the shirt, Prin- Clarke.”

“Its okay to call me that.”

“What?”

“I want you to call me that.” Bellamy looked down at her, utter shocked written across his face. “When you say it he doesn’t win. You called me that before he did, I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of taking that away from you.”

Although she could see him trying not to, Bellamy smiled. “That’s the attitude, Princess. Now eat, it will make you feel better. Trust me, I’m a cop.” 

She laughed quietly, still wiping away tears. “Not yet you aren’t.” He smiled softly at her. “Thanks, Bellamy.”

“Its just a sandwich.”

“No, for letting me just vent like that.”

“It’s the least I could do, Princess.” The amusement was gone from his eyes; instead they were serious and sincere. “That night,” he seemed to grappled for words, “you saved me. Really.”

She nodded. “It was the least I could do.” 

Bellamy handed her the sandwich. “You okay, Princess?” 

“I will be.”

“I’m just down the hall if you need me.” 

“Goodnight, Bellamy.”

“Night, Clarke.” 

The next morning she woke up early. Her shift at the hospital didn’t start until 5:00 that evening but Clarke wanted to keep busy. It was easier to distract herself from her anger and bitterness over Finn when she had things to do. After cleaning her room, scrubbing the shower and toilet, trimming the bushes out front, going for a jog, and washing the dishes left in the sink, Clarke was left trying to figure out what else she could do. 

Octavia came down the stairs at 11:00. She yawned and stretched before staring at Clarke who was moping on the couch. Before she could ask how Clarke was doing, Clarke said, “Don’t ask. I don’t want to talk about it.” Octavia nodded and sat next to Clarke. 

“So you are like Bell then, huh.” 

“What?”

“You like to just keep busy and ignore what’s hurting you. He does the same thing, that’s why he still hasn’t told me about Iraq.” 

Clarke didn’t say anything, opting to glare at the wall instead. She wasn’t ignoring her feelings… she just… had stuff to do. 

“I need to go run some errands, you want to come with me?”

Clarke knew that going with Octavia meant she would inevitably have to talk about Finn, but she agreed anyways. It would be worse to sit in the house all day with nothing to do. “Sure.”

“Great, Lincoln is going to be here in a half an hour to pick me up.”

Sure enough, Lincoln was right on time. Octavia slid into the passenger’s seat while Clarke got into the backseat. 

“Hey Clarke,” Lincoln greeted her before giving Octavia a kiss on the cheek. Clarke said hello back and silently pleaded Octavia had not told her boyfriend about Finn. She couldn’t stand any more pity. Clarke had always hated it when people pitied her. 

She liked Lincoln. He treated Octavia well (practically worshipped the ground she walked on) and although he didn’t speak much, he always seemed to know the right thing to say or do. That’s why Clarke wasn’t surprised when, while looking at plants at Lowes, Lincoln seemed to understand that the girls need alone time and wandered off to look at the drills.

Octavia let Clarke ignore the elephant in the room for a few minutes, choosing instead to comment on the flowers they passed. The girl told Clarke about how Lincoln had gotten flower boxes for his apartment balcony because Octavia spent so much time there. 

Finally the brunette turned to Clarke. “I know you talked to Bell about it, Clarke.”

“Octavia-”

“Its fine if you don’t want to confide in me but just know that I am always here to listen if you want to tell me.”

Clarke felt bad, Octavia was clearly hurt that Clarke didn’t confide in her though she tried not to show it. After all, Octavia had opened up to Clarke about her past. Bellamy had told her the night before that she didn’t need Finn to start opening up more to people, maybe now was her chance to start trying. 

Octavia had turned back to admiring a small rose bush when Clarke touched her shoulder and began to explain her feelings. 

“At this point, I think I’m more disappointed than anything. I was really sad at first, and I guess I still am. Then I was angry, which I definitely still am. But now… now I’m just disappointed. In him, and myself, and just the whole shitty situation.”

“You have no reason to be disappointed in yourself, Clarke.”

“I just feel like I should have known better. I mean, I’m Clarke. I think everything out. I have a plan for everything. All my decisions have to be rational and calculated, but with Finn I just let myself be guided by how I felt. I should have been more careful and picked up on the signs, because they were there. He got so attached so fast, and was so pushy to have me introduce him to my family, and just wanted to move really quick. I thought I was being too guarded and there was something wrong with me because I didn’t feel the same, but now I see that it was just him being a dick.”

“Everyone loved him Clarke, he had all of us fooled.”

“I guess. I feel like an idiot.”

“Its not your fault-”

“It just sucks, you know? I really liked him. I really thought we could be long term. I went through a lot of shit back in DC before I came here and when I was with him I felt like I could really, finally put it all behind me and just open up to someone completely. I know I have trust issues, I’m not blind to my own insecurities and faults, and its just fucked up that this happened.”

“You don’t need a guy to help you put your past behind you.”

“That’s what Bellamy said. And I agree, I know how strong I am and I know that I don’t need to depend on others but I want someone. I want someone I can open up to in a way I haven’t been able to since my dad died. I’ve always dealt with stuff by bottling it in but I’m sick of that. I don’t want to be who I was in Washington. I want to grow and be new and I thought Finn could help me do that, help me open up both to others but also to new experiences. I just felt like a kid when I was with him. And I feel so bad about Raven. She seems to really love him and I can tell how much this has crushed her. I was, and still am, devastated but she has been with him for seven years. How can you do that to someone after seven years?”

Octavia shook her head. “And the dick had the nerve to say that Bellamy didn’t treat women well. Are you going to confront him about it?”

Clarke sighed, “No. I don’t know. I’m sure I’ll see him at the hospital no matter how hard I try to ignore him. He keeps calling me but I haven’t been answering. Raven said she was going to tell him that we both know.”

“If it were me I would beat the shit out of him.”

“Trust me, part of me wants to. But honestly at this point I just want to put it behind me and move forward.”

Octavia nodded. “Well, whatever you decide I’ll support you.” She looked at Clarke for a moment and Clarke couldn’t help but notice how similar she was to her brother. “And just so you know,” Octavia added, turning back to the plants, “if you want someone to talk to, you have me. Bellamy too. I know you guys got off to a shitty start but he really respects you Clarke. You should have seen him yesterday when I told him what happened, I thought he was going to hunt down Finn there and then.” 

“So that’s how he knew.”

“Yeah, sorry if you didn’t want me to tell. I just thought he should know.” Clarke nodded. Octavia looked at her affectingly. “And I mean what I said, Clarke. You aren’t alone here. You have Bellamy and me. And you have Jasper and Monty and Harper and Maya and Miller and maybe even Murphy. You are one of us now.”

Clarke’s throat felt thick with emotion. “Thanks, Octavia. Really.” 

Octavia just smiled at her before greeting Lincoln who was approaching the women. 

When they got back to the house a few hours later, Lincoln helped Clarke and Octavia bring their purchases into the house. While Octavia was out back setting out the plants she had purchased, Lincoln put a steady hand on Clarke’s shoulder. 

“Like I tell Octavia, when you fall down, get back up. He isn’t worth your time.” 

It was short and simple, and very Lincoln, but Clarke was thankful for his words. She nodded appreciatively before heading to the kitchen as Octavia came inside. 

Clarke didn’t see Finn at all during her shift that night and she thanked all that was holy for it. He called her four more times, but she let it all go to voicemail. On her way home, a text appeared from Raven. 

‘Told him. We should hang out sometime. I need new friends and you are good at getting drunk.’ 

Clarke smiled before replying with a simple, ‘Sounds good. Tell me when and where.’ She was grateful that Raven didn’t blame her for what had happened. 

The house was quiet when she slipped in and Clarke went right to bed. She fell asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. 

Her shift the next morning was slow but ended early enough that Clarke could enjoy most of her day. Octavia got home shortly after her and told Clarke about her determination to successfully make a cake for Lincoln’s birthday despite her utter lack of baking skills. The women spent the rest of the afternoon attempting to make the most complicated cake Octavia could have picked while watching Friends. They were arguing about whether or not Ross was really a dick (Clarke claimed he was, Octavia wasn’t so sure) when the doorbell rang. Octavia’s hands were covered in chocolate so Clarke ran to get the door. 

Her stomach dropped as soon as she saw who it was. 

Finn was holding a bouquet of daisies. His face looked sober and apologetic. 

“Clarke-”

“What are you doing here?” Her voice was harsh. 

“You haven’t been answering my calls and I-”

“Yeah, I didn’t want to talk to you so why would you think I want you to show up at my house.”

“I just… Look Clarke I sorry. I really am. I just want to talk, to explain things to you.”

“I think things are pretty clear. You had a girlfriend, a girlfriend of seven years who was expecting to come back and get engaged, yet you still fooled around with me.”

“Please, Clarke. I’m only asking for a few minutes.”

Clarke debated her options, but finally decided to let him in. He put the flowers on the living room table and sat on the couch. Clarke took a seat in an armchair. 

“You wanted to talk, so talk.”

“I-”

“Clarke who was it? I swear if it was one of those-” Octavia’s stopped short when she saw who was sitting on her living room couch. Her eyes got wide. “Oh. I’ll just be in the kitchen.” She glared at Finn, nodded reassuringly at Clarke, and made her way back into the kitchen. Clarke turned back to Finn, lifting one eyebrow in question. 

“Clarke, I did like you, I still do. None of what I told you was fake-”

“Except that you were single.”

“She had been gone for a year, Clarke. I didn’t know if she was going to want to still be together when she came back or even if she was going to come back, at one point she mentioned staying at sea for another year. I was so lonely and then I met you and you were just great. You are gorgeous and smart and witty and I just… I fell in love, Clarke.”

Clarke was shocked. “You have only known me for 4 months, Finn.”

“That doesn’t matter. How many times do I have to tell you time doesn’t matter, all that matters is how we feel?”

“Well I feel pretty betrayed, Finn. I mean, what were you planning on doing? Dating me until she came home? Leading me on? You were asking to meet my family, Finn. You asked me to move in when you had another girl who loved you and who was under the impression you would get married.”

“I don’t take back anything I said. When I met you everything changed, Clarke. We are meant to be together. I know things seem complicated but they really aren’t. You and me? We are good. We are right. I love you and I know that you feel the same. I will always love Raven in a way, but Clarke, I just couldn’t help but fall in love with you.”

“No, Finn. What happened-” Clarke was interrupted when the front door opened. 

It took Bellamy a moment to notice who was in the room with her, but the second he saw Finn his eyes narrowed in anger. 

“Is he bothering you, Princess?” His voice was cold and Clarke couldn’t help but noticed how possessive the nickname sounded. Between his impressive height and build, the police cadet uniform he wore, and his habit of using his physicality to intimidate, Bellamy cut an imposing figure. Clarke could see him clenching his fists.

“No, its fine, Bellamy. Finn was just leaving.”

“I’m not done, Clarke.” Finn said, ignoring Bellamy. “I want you to understand. I need you.” 

Out of the corner of her eye Clarke could see Bellamy tensing, but he knew her well enough to know she could fight her own battles. Still, knowing he had her back was reassuring. 

“I am done, Finn. I’m done with the conversation and I am done with you. Please go.” She picked up the flowers and handed them to him. “Take these too.”

“Clarke-”

“Just leave. Please.” 

Finn looked like he wanted to say more but he gave in. Grabbing the flowers he headed towards the door where Bellamy stood, still glaring at the other man. 

“Stay the fuck away from my house, asshole.” Bellamy opened the door and aggressively nodded at Finn to leave.

“Don’t act like you actually give a shit about her and don’t act like you understand what this is about.” 

“Finn,” Clarke warned. She was pretty sure the only reason Bellamy hadn’t hit him yet was because he knew Clarke could handle this on her own. Bellamy respected her too much to assume she needed his help. 

“I think I understand perfectly well what is going on here,” Bellamy replied coldly. 

“Really, because I think what is between Clarke and I is none of your business.”

“It is my business when shitheads like you treat women like Clarke the way you did.”

Finn rolled his eyes, “Fuck you.” 

Bellamy looked ready to kill. Clarke quickly crossed over to where he stood and put a hand on his tensed shoulder. “He isn’t worth it, Bell.” 

“Bell?” Finn asked, surprised. Then his eyes narrowed. “Clarke, don’t tell me… you and this guy? Are you serious?” 

Clarke didn’t bother correcting his assumption; she honestly didn’t care what he thought anymore. “Please leave, Finn. I’m not going to ask again.”

Finn exhaled angrily but made no move to leave. “Clarke if you would just listen-”

“She said leave.”

“I’m not talking to you, asshole, why don’t you go find someone else to take your fucked up anger issues out on because-”

Finn didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence before a fist connected with his jaw. Grabbing his wounded face, he stared shocked at Clarke who was wincing and holding her bruised knuckles. Bellamy looked down at her with a mixture of surprise and pride. 

“What the hell, Clarke?” 

“I asked you to leave. Now leave.”

Finn finally walked out the door with one last wounded glance at Clarke. After the door shut, Clarke sank down to the ground cradling her hand. It felt like she had hit a stone. 

“Holy shit, Princess,” Bellamy said, kneeling down to examine her hand. “That was… that was…” 

She never found out what it was because Octavia burst into the room with a million questions (and praises once she found out what Clarke had done). Although the Blakes seemed impressed, and Clarke did feel a bit better, she couldn’t shake the queasy feeling in her stomach after her discussion with Finn. 

No matter how much of an asshole he had turned out to be, she had cared about him once. She did have good memories of a boy who made her feel like a rebellious teenager testing her limits, even if it all did crash and burn in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know a lot of y'all wanted me to have Bellamy beat Finn up, but it just didn't feel right. I feel like Bellamy respects Clarke too much to fight her battles for her, even though I am sure he wanted to beat the shit out of Finn. I also feel like Clarke is too strong to let someone else fight her battles. 
> 
> Hope y'all liked it. I now have the whole story mapped out. As of now there will be 7 more chapters. Now back to studying for my German exam (college sucks sometimes). 
> 
> Also as a side note I'm totally on the Ross is an asshole side.


	9. Paper and Pencils

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, hope y'all like it. It's a bit shorter than my other chapters, but this week has been pretty busy for me.

On the tenth day of September Clarke lost a patient. It wasn’t her first, there had been others both in Chicago and back in DC when she had interned with her mother, but it was her youngest at age 12. A car had hit the girl on her way home from school. She didn’t have any parents for Clarke to console, instead a social worker and foster parent were informed that Charlotte Higgs died at 5:27pm, September 10th, 2015 of excessive bleeding resulting from a severed artery that Clarke couldn’t fix. 

When she finally got home after what felt like the longest shift of her life, Clarke sat on the front steps in the dark and called Wells. 

“Clarke?” She fell apart at the sound of his familiar voice and explained how hard she had tried to save Charlotte. He consoled her and told her that it wasn’t her fault; that she had done all she could and ultimately that was all she could do. 

“She was so young, though, Wells. She was so scared and begged me not to let her die.”

“You did your best, Clarke. You can’t save everyone.”

“I know.” Her thoughts turned to her father. She hadn’t been able to save him either. 

“Hey,” Wells’ voice was gentle. “It will all get better, Clarke. I know things suck right now between Finn and this, but it things will turn around. Just stay strong and know that you always have me to get you through the tough times, just like when we were growing up.” 

She sniffed. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Griffin,” he chuckled. “I know you coming down at the end of the month isn’t gonna work out, but maybe for Thanksgiving?” 

“Yeah, I’d like that.” 

“Then it’s settled. Tell me something good that has happened to you since we last talked on Wednesday.”

Clarke wiped away left over tears and told Wells about how she and Octavia had spent Friday evening in the city window-shopping and about how they had decided to lobby Bellamy to agree to getting a cat. She told him about hanging out more with Raven and how the engineer was trying to convince her to go paint balling. As she was finishing a story about Jasper’s newfound determination to win the lottery, Bellamy pulled into the drive. Clarke said good-bye to Wells and promised to call him soon while watching Bellamy hop out of the truck. 

“Hey, Princess.”

“Hey.” He sat next to her on the old stairs and looked out at the street. 

“Where were you so late?” Her shift had ended at 10:30 and Clarke assumed she had been on the phone for at least an hour with Wells.

“I had to get Murphy out of a sticky situation.” He didn’t offer more information and she didn’t ask, despite her curiosity. “Who were you talking to?”

“Wells.”

“How is he?”

“Good. I think I’m going to try and visit him for Thanksgiving.”

“You aren’t going up this month?”

“No, I don’t want to take off that much time after using up vacation days in August when he visited.” Bellamy nodded and turned to her. He must have noticed her still slightly puffy eyes and red nose because he asked her what as wrong. 

“Its nothing really,” Clarke didn’t want to talk about death and dying. She knew that was something Bellamy was all too familiar with. 

“Clarke.”

She looked into his worried eyes for a moment before opening up about Charlotte. When she finished explain what had happened, she was crying again. Her cheek rested on Bellamy’s shoulder and his cheek rested on her head. He was silent for a long time while his warm hand traced circles on her back. 

Finally, in a low, gentle voice he said, “It isn’t your fault, Clarke. You aren’t the one who hit her with a car. You did everything you could to save her and I know she was grateful for that.”

“Wells said that too.”

“And he’s right. Don’t beat yourself up, Princess.”

The next morning when she woke in bed still wearing her scrubs with her shoes by the bedside table, she realized she must have slipped into sleep on the steps using Bellamy’s warm body as a pillow. The dark haired man must have carried her to bed instead of waking her. 

After showering and dressing, Clarke made her way downstairs for a late breakfast. She didn’t even blink twice when she saw Raven sitting in front of the TV with Octavia. In the weeks after Clarke’s relationship with Finn had crashed and burned, Raven slowly became a common feature at the house. She too had left Finn, though she told Clarke she didn’t think she could cut him off completely. It quickly became clear that the two women had a lot more in common than a mutual ex and Octavia and Raven seemed to get on exceptionally well. Even Bellamy seemed to enjoy the Navy engineer’s company. 

“Clarke! You’re finally up!” Octavia grinned wildly. 

“Yep, I had a late shift so-”

“Get your shoes on, we are going to Ikea.” 

“What? I need to-” 

“Let the girl get breakfast, Octavia. We have all day,” Raven said with a laugh. 

“She can get something on-”

“Why are we going to Ikea?” Clarke asked, bewildered. 

“Why not?” Octavia rolled her eyes with a smile. 

“I finally got sick of living in a hotel and got a new place. I need furniture.” Clarke had forgotten that Raven had lived with Finn before she left for her year overseas. She also knew the break up had been hard on Raven and that moving on would be easier with friends. 

“Yeah, sure. Just let me just grab some toast and we can head out.”

“No rush, Jasper and Monty aren’t here yet either.”

“They better get their asses here, I am bored out of my mind,” Octavia whined. 

Clarke laughed and moved into the kitchen to make breakfast. Bellamy was at the table looking at something on his phone. Clarke couldn’t help but notice how painfully (wonderfully) obvious it was that he had just returned from a run. 

“Sleep well, Princess?”

“Yep, thanks to you.” Both of them blushed as Clarke realized the implication of her words too late. “I mean… you know with you carrying me upstairs and all… I didn’t mean... you know.”

Despite the slight blush on his cheeks, Bellamy smirked suggestively. Before he could make a comment that she just knew would be lewd, Octavia came bouncing in. 

“The guys are here so grab your toast and let’s go, Griffin.” 

“So they roped you into this Ikea thing too?”

“Oh shut up, Bell. It’s going to be fun. Just because you don’t like to have fun doesn’t mean we don’t.”

“I like to have fun,” Bellamy scoffed at his little sister. 

“Yeah because those documentaries you watch are so fun.”

“Why do you seem to think all I do is watch documentaries?” 

Octavia just rolled her eyes and turned back to Clarke who was grinning, amused at the siblings’ antics. 

“Come on, Clarke. Let’s go.” Clarke folded her buttered toast into a paper towel and grabbed a water bottle. 

“See you later, Old Man.” She smirked at his raised eyebrows. 

“I don’t like the influence my sister is having on you.” 

Clarke was still smiling when she hopped into the back of Raven’s car, squishing herself in between Monty and Jasper. The boys were pettily arguing about whether Italian or Swedish Meatballs were better. 

“If you two dorks don’t shut up I will kick your asses out so fast,” Raven barked, glaring into the rearview mirror. The boys ceased their squabble immediately as Octavia turned on the radio. 

Four hours later they had all decided that Swedish meatballs were supreme (except Jasper who was adamant that a meatball without marinara sauce was not truly a meatball) and packed up the trunk and rooftop rack with furniture boxes. 

“So Raven,” Clarke said as they pulled out of the parking lot, “how do you plan on putting all this crap together?”

“Oh God, that sounds like my worst nightmare,” Jasper groaned. 

“Ikea furniture is more complicated than half the labs I have to do for school,” Monty agreed. 

Raven was suspiciously silent. 

“Raven?” Octavia asked, a hint of worry in her voice. 

“Well, I was kind of sorta hoping you guys would help out.”

A collective groan rang out in the car. 

“I knew this was about more than just a trip to get the best meatballs on the planet,” Monty said ignoring Jasper’s snort of disapproval when he mentioned meatballs. 

“Oh come on guys, it will be fun.”

“Oh I’m sure.” Clarke said sarcastically. 

“What if I order Indian?”

The car was silent as four minds weighed their options. 

“Deal,” Octavia finally said, speaking for the whole group. “But only if we get Bellamy and his boys to help too.”

Clarke laughed. “By that you mean only if we get Bellamy, Murphy, and Miller to do all the work for us while we eat Indian food.”

“Exactly.” Jasper and Monty said in unison, high fiving themselves. 

Clarke spent her 26th birthday at the hospital. Though it was a Friday night, she made Raven and Octavia promise to wait to celebrate until the following day. She had a shift that ran until 9 pm and just wanted to collapse into bed when she got home. 

The other women, she later discovered, had a different plan. 

As soon as Clarke walked up the creaky front steps and saw the darkened windows of the house, she knew what was waiting for her inside. For someone who loved surprise parties, Octavia wasn’t very good at the whole surprise bit. Still, just as Bellamy had done so many months ago, Clarke did her best to act surprised and appreciative when the lights flew on and the living room was filled with a resounding shout of “Happy Birthday!” 

After Jasper threw a dinky party hat onto her head and Raven graced her scrubs with a ‘Birthday Bitch’ sash, Octavia made her way over to Clarke. 

“I know you said you didn’t want to celebrate tonight, but I couldn’t resist. It just isn’t the same to celebrate when it’s not really your birthday.” 

Clarke was annoyed, but it was impossible to stay angry with Octavia. “It’s fine, just next time let me at least change out of my scrubs first.”

“Deal,” Octavia smiled before dragging Clarke into the TV room where the party was already in full swing. 

Some time later, Clarke escaped to the front porch for a moment of peace. Her day at work had been hectic and although she knew that Octavia (and Raven who she later found out was equally responsible for the party) meant well, she just wanted to relax. The night air was cool and a slight breeze whipped around her frame making Clarke shiver a bit. 

She was 26 years old. One year older than she had been when she left DC. Three years older than she had been when her dad died. Eight years older than she had been when she decided to be a doctor. 

“There you are.” She recognized the voice immediately. Bellamy was pulling the front door closed behind him, blocking the shouts and music from her ears. “You’re missing your own party, Princess.” 

She laughed and turned back to the street, sensing rather than seeing him come and stand beside her. 

“I tried to stop them, but Raven and Octavia are too stubborn for their own good.” 

“Must be something that runs in the family.”

“Ha ha,” he said sarcastically before holding out two small packages to her. Clarke looked up at him in surprise. “Happy Birthday, Princess.”

“Bellamy you didn’t have to-”

“Just open the presents, Clarke.”

She grinned eagerly at him before grabbing the presents from his hands. Setting the larger one on the railing, Clarke began to tear the silver wrapping paper off the smaller package. She could feel Bellamy’s eyes on her and could sense his nervousness. 

Once all the wrapping paper was gone all the remained in Clarke’s small hands was a package of fancy colored pencils. 

“Bellamy I’m 26 not 6 but I appreciate the-” She began mockingly before being interrupted by his rough baritone. 

“There’s another one, Princess.” The seriousness in his eyes startled her. 

Clarke set the pencils on a wicker table beside the camping chairs and grabbed the other, larger present. It turned out to be a beautiful, sizable sketchbook. She stared down at it, speechless, as Bellamy began to ramble. He scratched the back of his neck nervously as he spoke. 

“You told me how much you use to sketch and paint and how you once wanted to be an artist so I thought you might like them. When Wells was here he talked to me one night about how happy it use to make you and how you hadn’t really sketched much since your dad died and I just thought… I don’t know, it helped O after Mom died to keep gardening so maybe it would help you to cope with your dad and with what Finn did and that girl at the hospital if you had an outlet, something that made you happy and helped you to just… I don’t know, relax a bit. That’s why I run and… I don’t know it’s probably a stupid gift. I’m sorry if it-”

His anxious rant ended when Clarke wrapped her arms around him tightly, burying her face into the spot where his neck met his shoulder. 

After a long pause, she felt him reciprocate the hug. At first the strong, thick arms that held her were hesitant and gentle, as if he was afraid of breaking her, but after a beat his hold tightened and pressed her chest against his. 

“Thank you. It’s a really nice present, Bellamy.” Clarke said after pulling away from his warmth.

He grinned down at her sheepishly. “So you gonna try to sketch again?”

Clarke dropped her gaze from his eyes and looked out at the street. “I… It’s just…” 

She felt his large, calloused hand wrap around hers. “Its okay if you don’t want to now, but maybe at some point.” 

Clarke looked back at him and nodded. “At some point.”

They stared at each other for a long moment. Clarke drank in his appearance, the ruffled dark curls, his tanned freckled cheeks, the tiny scar above his upper lip. She felt her eyes settle on his lips and suddenly wondered what he tasted like. 

Bellamy’s hand around hers tightened almost imperceptibly and Clarke stepped closer to him instinctively. His dark eyes seemed impossibly darker and entirely focused on her lower lip. Clarke’s breath hitched when his tongue wet his lips. 

Suddenly the front door burst open and a very drunk Jasper flew onto the porch, totally oblivious to the way Clarke and Bellamy leapt away from each other. 

“Clarke! There you are! Its time for candles!”

“W-What?” Clarke stammered. Her heart was pounding and she could feel the blush on her cheeks. 

“Cake! Its time for Cake!” 

“Oh, of course.” Clarke hurried inside after Jasper, avoiding Bellamy’s gaze. She set his presents on the coffee table and quickly walked to the kitchen where everyone was waiting to sing Happy Birthday. 

It wasn’t until after the cake had been cut and a happy, hungry silence filled the room that Bellamy walked in. Neither of them spoke for the rest of the night, unless in the company of others. 

As Clarke lay in bed that night, the party having finally ended at 4am, she tried her best not to overanalyze how warm Bellamy’s heated gaze had made her whole body feel despite the September chill or how close they had been to closing that tiny gap between them on the front porch. Clarke didn’t want too think too much about what it all meant. After Finn, she had decided to take a break from relationships. She wanted to deal with her own issues before giving herself up to someone else. Plus, the idea of a relationship with Bellamy was just ridiculous. He was her housemate and landlord, but more important he was Bellamy. And the idea of her and Bellamy together was just plain strange… right? She groaned in frustration and buried her head in her pillow. 

By the time she rolled out of bed the next morning, Clarke had decided to chalk it all up to alcohol (even though she had only had one beer but what does that matter). Bellamy seemed to be of the same inclination. Neither one of them mentioned what had happened on the porch, choosing instead to act like nothing was different. However, every time Clarke’s eyes feel on the sketchbook that now sat on her desk, she couldn’t help but remember how it felt to be pressed against Bellamy Blake’s chest. 

At the end of September Bellamy completed his training as a police officer. Clarke, Jasper, Monty, and Raven accompanied Octavia to the induction ceremony in downtown Chicago. Jasper took far too many pictures while Octavia tried to pretend she wasn’t crying as Bellamy received his badge. Clarke could see Miller beaming from where he was standing with the other officers. 

They went out to a popular bar downtown after the ceremony and spent the night drinking, dancing, and sharing embarrassing stories about Bellamy as a kid. 

“I was not a nerd.”

“Oh, please Bell, you so were. You still are.”

“Octavia is right, Bellamy,” Monty added. “I mean you, Murphy, and Miller scared half of us shitless but we all know you how many books you had in your room.”

“They weren’t even fun books!” Octavia shrieked. “They were historical ones! What kind of teenage boy spends his free time reading non fiction?”

“Well to be fair,” Jasper said. “Most of his free time was not spent reading.”

“Okay,” Octavia said rolling her eyes. “When he wasn’t out womanizing and beating up the other local jackasses he was reading.”

Clarke laughed at how red Bellamy’s face was becoming. He made eye contact with her rolled his eyes at her amused face. 

“I also worked three jobs and went to school, O.”

“Yeah but that isn’t free time, genius.” Bellamy scoffed and ruffled Octavia’s hair causing her to squirm and squeal. 

When they got home, Clarke flopped down on her bed and pulled out her phone to call Wells. 

A deep uneasiness settled in her stomach.

The screen showed seven missed calls from her mom, four of which had gone to voicemail. Even for her mother, that was a little extreme. Her mom had given her more space lately, only calling once or twice a week. Even in the first few weeks after Clarke left DC, Abigail Griffin never called her daughter more than three times a day and never left more than one voicemail. Before Clarke could unlock her phone to listen to her mom’s voicemails, a text popped up. 

‘Clarke I know you are still mad but please call me sweetheart. It’s about Wells.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	10. Pad Thai and Gyros

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope it is worth the slight wait. It is certainly the longest chapter so far. 
> 
> Also, as a disclaimer, I am but a humble history major who has no idea how anything medical works.

Clarke didn’t want to wait to book a plane back to DC or even to get a ticket for Amtrak. Nobody knew what could change over the next 24 hours and she was determined to see Wells at least once before he died (if he died, she told herself repeatedly). 

If it had been any other occasion, Clarke would have rejected, or at least put up more of a fight, when Bellamy offered to drive her to DC, but this was Wells. She wanted to leave immediately, however Bellamy insisted on waiting until the morning to avoid driving tired and still somewhat intoxicated. He had a week off before he began working with the police force, so they had plenty of time. Clarke tried to tell him that they did not, in fact, have plenty of time because her best friend had been shot in the street. In the end it was Octavia who calmed her down, laying in bed with Clarke and stroking her hair until she fell into a fitful sleep. 

At 6:00 the next morning Clarke and Bellamy said goodbye to a tearful Octavia and began the ten and a half hour journey to the capital. Bellamy drove all day, silent as Clarke repeatedly called her mother for updates on Wells’ condition. 

Just after 5:00 they reached Washington. Clarke directed Bellamy to the house she had grown up in on Capital Hill and they quickly dropped their bags off before driving to Georgetown Hospital. 

Her mother was waiting for her outside Wells’ door. Despite the differences between the two women, they embraced tightly for a long moment before pulling apart. Abby looked curiously at Bellamy and then back to Clarke awaiting an explanation. 

“This is Bellamy. He’s one of my housemates; he drove me here. I’ll explain more later just tell me what happened again now that we can talk in person.”

“The police said that it was a criminal he helped put away when he was still working as a paralegal. You remember the Anderson case? How he was the one to find the slip up in the alibi? Well turns out Anderson was released on probation last week and blames Wells for getting put away. The lunatic apparently followed him around for a few days; yesterday afternoon he shot Wells in broad daylight outside the office.”

“Oh my God.” Tears were rolling down Clarke’s cheeks as she imagined the scene. 

“Fortunately the paramedics got there in time. They were able to stem the bleeding but Wells was unconscious and still hasn’t woken up. Doctor Keller said its probably due to trauma but they aren’t sure when or if he will wake up.”

Clarke broke down in sobs. Abby wrapped her arms around her daughters whispering words of comfort as tears streamed down her own cheeks. 

“Can I see him, Mom?”

“Of course, Thelonius is in there now but I’m sure it will help to see you.”

“Oh God, Uncle Thelonius. First his Wells’ mom and now-”

“There is still a chance he will pull through, Clarke. We need to stay hopeful.”

Abby led Clarke into Wells’ room as Bellamy took a seat outside. 

Wells was lying on the hospital bed, various monitors and tubes hooked up around him. His father sat beside him, holding Wells’ hand and watching his son mournfully. 

“Thelonius.” Her mom said quietly. The mayor turned around. 

“Clarke! You made it.” Clarke nodded and wiped at her eyes. “Good. He would want that.” Thelonius looked back down at his unconscious son.

Clarke felt frozen in place as everything became very real. Wells was in a coma. Wells might die. Abby nudged her forward and Clarke walked towards the bed. She stood on the opposite side of Thelonius and grasped Wells’ limp hand. A sob wracked her body followed by a second and a third. Abby came up behind her and pulled Clarke back into her arms. 

“Shh, sweatheart, its okay. That’s right, let it out.”

Two hours later they left Wells’ room. Clarke’s eyes were swollen and her throat was raw. Bellamy jumped up as soon as he saw her, concern written in his eyes. 

“Can you take her home… Brandon was it?”

“Bellamy.”

“Bellamy. Can you take her home? You are welcome to stay at our house, thank you for bringing her down here. I’m going to stay with Wells’ father for a while longer.”

Bellamy just nodded and mumbled a small thanks, his eyes were focused on Clarke. 

The ride to her mom’s house was quiet, only interrupted now and then by Clarke’s sniffles. 

Once they arrived Clarke showed Bellamy to a guest bedroom where she let him hold her while she cried. After her tears dried, Clarke showed him to the kitchen and bid him goodnight. She had no appetite. 

Clarke slunk down the stairs at 7:00 the next morning to find Bellamy and her mom already awake in the kitchen. The air was thick with icy tension when she walked in and Bellamy wouldn’t meet her eyes. It was more than obvious they had disagreed about something but Clarke was too tired to get involved. She didn’t get along with her mom so it wasn’t surprising Bellamy didn’t seem to either. 

She sat at the island next to Bellamy and he handed her his untouched cup of coffee. As she picked at the coffee cake that had been laid out, Abby questioned her plans for the day. 

“I’m going to go see Wells again. I’ll probably be there for a while.” Clarke could feel tears pricking at her eyes. 

“My shift starts in an hour but I can drop you off first if you would like.”

Clarke shifted uncomfortably in her seat. Just because she was home didn’t mean everything was fine between her and her mother. Bellamy noticed her apprehension. 

“I’ll drive her.” He stated as if it was obvious. 

“That’s not-”

“That would be great, Bellamy. Thank you.” He nodded at her and left the kitchen, most likely heading upstairs to call Octavia. Clarke turned to her mom. “What did you say to him before I came down?” The acridity of her voice surprised her almost as much as it surprised Abby. 

“Nothing, I-”

“Mom, I could have cut the tension with a knife when I walked in. He was nice enough to drive me all the way here and stay until I need to go back. Bellamy didn’t have to do that. The least you could do is be cordial.” 

“I am grateful for that, Clarke. But he rubs me the wrong way.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “How the hell does he do that, Mom?” 

“Don’t you dare pin this all on me, Clarke. He has not exactly been warm and open.”

“He comes from a very different background. I’m sure it’s frustrating to see people living like this after how he was raised.”

“Which brings me to what I want to discuss with you. Wells told me about the area you live in Clarke-”

“No he didn’t. He told his dad who told you.”

“That doesn’t matter. What matters is that you are not living in a safe area. And you are living with a guy you barely know who has come back from three tours and is now joining the police force.”

“I don’t see how that’s a bad thing. Plus Octavia is in the house too. And I’m 26, Mom.”

“My point is that he has a violent background and if he grew up in that neighborhood-”

“You ready to go Clarke?” Bellamy appeared in the archway of the kitchen. Clarke was sure there was no way he didn’t hear her mom’s last comment, but he kept his eyes fixed on Clarke. 

“Yeah, let me just grab my purse. I’ll meet you in the car.”

Bellamy nodded and turned to leave. Before he got far, however, he turned back. “Thank you for the coffee and for letting me stay in your home, Mrs. Griffin. I’m sorry if my violent background worries you.” His tone was innocent but Clarke knew Bellamy and could sense the anger in his words. 

After he left she turned back to her Abby. “Good job.”

“Clarke I’m only trying to look out for you. That’s my job as your mother.” 

“I wish you would just trust me to make my own decisions.”

“I do trust you, Clarke, but-”

“I know you miss the way things were, Mom. I get it, okay? I miss it too. But the truth is we are different people and there are some things that have happened that can’t be undone. But if you want to fix this,” Clarke motioned at the air between them, “then you need to start treating me like an adult.”

Abby didn’t reply. Instead she sighed, frustrated, and turned back to the paperwork she had been looking at. 

Clarke managed to spend the greater part of the day at Wells’ side, only leaving in the early afternoon when a nurse gently told her the doctors needed to come in. Bellamy was waiting outside reading a newspaper. He stood as soon as he saw her, following as she made her way to the exit. 

Once they got to the truck they sat in silence for a few minutes. 

“How is he?”

“The same.”

Bellamy nodded and gazed out at the street. “Well, what now, Princess?”

“I don’t know.” Clarke didn’t feel much like doing anything. Bellamy stared over at her for a moment before turning the key in the ignition. 

“What’s the fastest way to the National Gallery?”

“Bellamy we don’t have to-”

“Just humor me, Princess.” She pointed out directions and forty-five minutes later (after finally finding a parking spot) they were walking along the Mall towards the Gallery. 

As they strolled through the galleries, Bellamy asked Clarke all about the paintings, intentionally spending more time in the Italian Renaissance section because he knew it was her favorite. Clarke wanted to be annoyed with his constant inquiries, but she knew that he was only doing it to distract her from thinking about Wells. 

By the time they made their way outside to get a late lunch from a street vendor, Clarke did feel a bit better than she had before. Talking about art always calmed her. 

“This was one of my favorite things to do growing up.” She said finally as they walked past the Smithsonian Castle. 

“Eat gyros?” Bellamy said with a small smirk.

“No,” Clarke rolled her eyes. “Going to the Gallery, just walking around the Mall watching tourists. Whenever I didn’t want to deal with stuff at home, Wells and I would catch the metro and come here. He always complained that it was too touristy but I loved it.” 

Bellamy looked at her closely. “How often did you come?” She knew he was really asking how often she didn’t want to deal with being home. 

“A lot. Towards the end of high school things really started to deteriorate between me and my mom. I mean, it was nothing like it is now but I just got sick of having to go to so many banquets and etiquette lessons and stuff. I just wanted to be a kid while I could. College was coming too fast and I didn’t want to think about my future. Coming here always made it feel like time was standing still. Everything stayed the same. I didn’t have to worry if I was saying the right things or meeting the right people or making the best grades.”

She sat on a bench and Bellamy did the same. Clouds were starting to form in the distance.

“I don’t know what I would have done without Wells. Not just because he was my best friend, but also because he understood everything. He had the same kind of life, though he liked it more than I did. It helped a lot to always have a friendly face at a party, to have someone to talk to when I wanted to avoid old men asking about my life plans. Even when I left DC, he was the only one who really understood why and didn’t judge me for leaving. I don’t know what I’m going to do if I lose him.” Tears started form in her eyes and Clarke wiped them away angrily. She was so tired of crying. Bellamy placed an understanding hand on her knee. The gesture was more comforting than any words could be. 

When they got back there was a note stuck to the fridge from Abby explaining she would be working late into the night. Bellamy suggested they order take out and Clarke found her old stash of menus in the junk drawer. She left Bellamy to order as she collapsed on the couch in the family room. The day had drained her. 

Tears slipped down her cheeks against her will but Clarke was too tired to fight her emotions.

“Hey so I decided to go with Thai food, I got Pad Thai and-” 

Clarke tried to brush away the tears as Bellamy made his way into the room. It was too late, though. Bellamy strode over to where she sat, hunched over with her head in her hands. He knelt in front of her and put his hands on her knees.

“Hey, come on. It’s going to be okay.”

“But what if it isn’t? What if he doesn’t wake up?”

Bellamy looked up at her with concerned eyes and tucked a loose blonde curl behind her ear. 

“You got any good movies, Princess?” He was trying to change the conversation, to distract her from the shitty situation they were in. Clarke wanted to be annoyed with him, but instead she was just grateful for the distraction.

She pointed to the shelves under the plasma screen and Bellamy crouched down to look at the titles. 

“These movies suck.” She let out a watery laugh while he smirked at her. “What’s your favorite?”

An hour later they were in the middle of The Godfather and eating Thai out of the box. Bellamy sat at one end of the couch, Clarke’s feet in his lap, as she reclined on the other side. 

“I don’t get why Kay stays with Michael. The movies would be so much better if he had some kickass mob wife,” Clarke complained, mouth full of drunken noodles. 

“Its to show how different Michael has become I think.”

“Well that’s obvious by the end.”

“True. She is pretty annoying. Especially in the next one.”

“Right?” Clarke jerked up sending a noodle flying. “I mean what was she expecting marrying into the biggest crime family in New York?”

“She definitely knew what she was getting into.” He stuffed an eggroll in his mouth before tossing Clarke one. 

They watched Forrest Gump next. After cleaning up the takeout, Clarke sat down on the couch next to Bellamy. Their arms brushed uncomfortably and after a while he stretched his arm on the couch behind her. Almost involuntarily, Clarke leaned into his shoulder. 

It should have been awkward but it wasn’t. Clarke tried not to read too much into why that might be. 

She nodded off a few times during the second half of the movie, only really waking up when Bellamy lightly whispered her name. 

“Sorry,” Clarke said sheepishly, scooting away from him. 

Bellamy shook his head, “Don’t be sorry.” 

Clarke blushed and stood quickly. “Well, we should probably get to bed. I want to go back and visit in the morning.”

Bellamy nodded and followed her upstairs. 

Sure enough, they left early the next morning to visit Wells again. Bellamy sat in the hall while Clarke spent the morning talking to Wells. She told him stories about Chicago, memories of their shared childhood, how good the Thai food had been the night before. 

She begged Wells to wake up and apologized for all the times they had fought in their 26-year friendship. 

She told him about Bellamy and how great he had been, bringing her to DC, waiting for her at the hospital, making sure she was doing okay. 

At noon a nurse came in and told her the doctors needed to run some tests, so Clarke found Bellamy and they left. 

They spent the afternoon wandering around the Botanical Gardens and the Natural History Museum. Clarke let Bellamy distract her from worrying about Wells as he rambled on about how much Octavia would love the gardens and how fascinating the human evolution exhibit was at the museum. 

They were sitting on the Mall watching tourists corral their children when Clarke’s phone rang. It was her mother. 

“Mom?” Clarke’s voice was panicked; worried that it would be bad news about Wells. Bellamy watched her anxiously. 

“Clarke when are you going to be home tonight?”

“I don’t know. I don’t really have a plan.”

“Where are you now?”

“On the Mall. I was thinking of stopping by the hospital again before coming home. Probably in about an hour or so. Why?”

“Try to be here by 5:00. Marcus is coming for dinner and wants to see you.”

“Its 4:15 now, Mom. There won’t be enough time to see Wells.”

“You were with him this morning, sweetheart. The doctors say it isn’t likely there will be a change anytime soon. Plus I think Thelonious wanted to stop by, you should let him have time alone with him son.”

“Fine. We’ll be there at 5:00.”

“Thanks, baby. See you at home.”

“Bye.” 

She hung up and put her phone in her pocket before slumping back against the bench. 

“What’s up?”

“My mom invited General Kane over for dinner and wants me back by 5:00.”

“Oh,” Bellamy was silent for a moment. “Should I find something else to do or,” he left the sentence hanging and Clarke realized he didn’t know if he was invited to dinner or not. 

“You’re invited, of course.” She smiled at him. “You are our guest after all.”

Bellamy tried to grin back but failed. His brow was suddenly creased with worry. 

“What’s wrong?” He seemed distracted and didn’t answer. Clarke put a hand on his knee. “Bellamy?”

“Oh, sorry.” He turned back to her. “I just… I don’t want to talk about the war and-”

“He’s a general so it’s sure to come up when he finds out you were deployed,” Clarke finished for him. Bellamy nodded solemnly. Clarke squeezed his hand. “We’ll figure it out. I’ll change the subject if it comes up.”

His eyes bore into hers, revealing the fear he felt. Clarke smiled reassuringly and stood, telling him they should get going if they wanted time to get ready. 

Bellamy easily slid back into his comfortable sarcasm by asking her which tiara she planned to wear. She punched his shoulder, laughing when tired to tickle her in retaliation. 

Dinner, as it always had been growing up, was a formal affair. 

The housekeeper set the table with the best dishes and cutlery before presenting the seared salmon and numerous side dishes. Wine was poured and napkins placed in laps. 

Clarke’s despised etiquette lessons came back easily. Poor Bellamy (who was clearly very uncomfortable from his place across from her) was way out of his league and relied on Clarke’s pointed looks to know what do. 

The formality of it reminded Clarke why she had left this world in the first place. It was ridiculous, in her opinion, to have a dinner this formal for one guest who had known the family since before Clarke was born. She would take a beer and pizza on the couch over this any day. 

Despite the uncomfortable setting, Clarke had to admit it was nice to see Marcus Kane again. He had always been kind to her, like an uncle (he insisted on her calling him Uncle Marcus after all). He had greeted her warmly when she came downstairs, offering his condolences and support. Her mom had still not totally warmed up to Bellamy, but Kane treated him genially which seemed to make her mom a little more open. 

The first half of dinner was dominated by discussions of Wells; his current condition, the likelihood of survival, and the circumstances of the shooting. Kane had watched Wells grow up just as he had watched Clarke and his concern for the young man was evident. Still, Clarke was grateful when Kane steered the conversation towards lighter topics. 

“So Clarke,” Kane said while taking a second helping of salmon. “How is Chicago treating you?”

“I like it a lot, the hospital is great and I have a nice group of friends.” Clarke smiled across the table at Bellamy who returned the gesture. She turned back to Kane and told him all about her job in the ER.

“And how about you, Bellamy?” The general turned to him, clearly startling Bellamy who hadn’t been paying attention to the conversation. 

“Excuse me, sir?”

“What do you do for a living?”

“I actually just got instated in the Chicago Police Department. I get my first assignment next week.”

“Congratulations.”

“Thank you, sir.” 

“I’m sorry if I’m wrong in this assumption, but did you serve? Something about you strikes me as military.”

Bellamy’s eyes locked with Clarke’s for a moment before flitting back to Kane. Clarke knew he had been dreading this question and the discussion it might lead to. 

“Yes, sir. I served three tours in the Middle East.” 

Kane asked him the details of his tours; where he had gone, whom he had served with, when he had gone. Fortunately the weathered general seemed to understand Bellamy’s desire to change the topic. Unfortunately he did so by asking how long Clarke and Bellamy had been dating. 

“Oh, um…” Bellamy stumbled, avoiding Clarke’s eyes.

“We actually aren’t dating, Uncle Marcus. He is one of my housemates.”

Kane looked surprised. “Oh, I’m sorry. I just assumed that since he drove you down here on such short notice and because of- never mind. I’m sorry for the assumption.”

Bellamy’s face was red and Clarke could feel the blush on her own cheeks. She was desperate to fill the awkward silence. “Its actually kind of a funny story how we ended up being housemates.” She launched into the tale effectively relieving the tension in the room. 

As her mother’s housekeeper brought out the desert Kane asked Clarke when she was planning on returning to Chicago.

“We have to leave by the end of the week. My supervisor gave me the week off because it’s a family emergency, but I need to be back at work by Monday. Bellamy needs to be back by Monday as well to start his job downtown.” 

“It’s a shame.” Abby muttered at the head of the table. 

“What?” Clarke knew she shouldn’t rise to her mother’s bait, but old habits died hard. 

“I said it’s a shame.” Abby met her eyes refusing to back down. 

“Abby,” Kane warned. He had witnessed the upcoming argument multiple times before and Clarke was sure that her mom vented to the general about Clarke’s stubbornness. It didn’t matter though; Abby ignored Kane’s warning. 

“If you still lived in the district like I suggested, you could be here with him. You wouldn’t even have to take time off. You know how close we are with the Jahas, Clarke. They are family, you should be with your family during times like this.”

“I am with family, Mom. I came back for a week. I left as soon as I could, I had Bellamy drive me all the way here to save time I would have spent waiting for a flight or train.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that if you had listened to me-”

“I was sick of listening to you, all I ever did was listen to you. The whole point of my doing my residency in Chicago was to be independent. I’m an adult mom, I’m not a little kid anymore.” 

“Really? Because running away seems pretty childish to me, Clarke.”

Clarke’s jaw clenched. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Bellamy gazing at her expectedly. She never backed down from a battle with him and he knew she wouldn’t back down from this battle either. 

“I’m not running away. It’s my life and I’m free to do what I want with it. This city is toxic for me and you know that. It killed my dad and I could feel it killing me.”

Kane cleared his throat as if to remind the women they weren’t alone. Both ignored him. 

“So that’s what this is all about. I knew it. Clarke, how many times do I have to tell you-”

“I don’t want to her it again, Mom. I’m done with this.” She rose and threw her napkin on the table. “It was very nice to see you again, Uncle Marcus. I’m sorry that the evening had to end on such a sour note.” Clarke shot a glare at her mom and an apologetic look to Bellamy before striding out of the dining room. 

Clarke tried to sleep that night. She really did. For hours she tossed and turned trying to find a position comfortable enough to allow sleep to set in, but nothing worked. Her mom’s words rang in her ears, Wells’ health occupied her mind, and everywhere she looked she was reminded of her father. Soon it all became too much. She felt a familiar panic building up in her gut as the anxieties of her past and present overwhelmed her. Clarke had to get out of the room. 

She quickly slipped on a pair of her old high school sweatpants and went into the hallway. From there Clarke wasn’t exactly sure where to go or what to do. For a while she hovered between taking a shower and sitting in the back garden before something down the hall caught her eye and a new idea popped into her sleep-deprived mind. 

Bellamy’s door was ajar. 

Clarke knew she should walk the opposite direction. After all he had done for her, the man deserved some peace and quiet. Her feet, however, seemed determined to ignore her brain. They moved of their own violation towards his slightly opened door. 

She was just going to check on him, Clarke told herself. After all, he was a guest in her home. It would be the polite thing to make sure he was sleeping well. Her mother had raised her to be a proper hostess, right? 

Scarcely allowing herself to breathe for fear of waking him up, Clarke nudged the door open. Street light from the hall window poured into the room and cut a narrow beam across Bellamy’s sleeping form. He was on his stomach, half under the sheets. Clarke noted that he slept without a shirt but didn’t let her mind dwell on the newfound fact. 

She watched the steady rise and fall of his back, the way his hair fell across his closed eyes, how it moved in the slight breeze of the ceiling fan. He looked so peaceful and calm, so much younger than he was. Clarke knew she should leave, but watching him quieted her restless mind.

Suddenly a siren went speeding down the street. The unexpected noise scared Clarke shitless and she jumped, bumping her elbow against the door, which, in turn, slammed into the wall. 

“Clarke?”

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. 

“I’m so sorry I was just-” She was just what? Clarke fumbled around her words, trying to come up with an excuse for being there and failing miserably. Bellamy propped himself up on his elbows and she could see his brow furrow in concern in the dim light. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just go back to bed, I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

“Clarke-”

“Really, its all fine.” He gave her an incredulous look. The man could read her too well; it unsettled Clarke. 

“Come here, Princess.” Bellamy sat up in bed, giving Clarke a full view of his muscled chest. She swallowed hard. This was not a good idea. Once again, her feet ignored her brain. As she came to stand in front of him, Bellamy patted the spot on the bed next to him. “Sit.” She sat. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Clarke studied her hands. “I can’t sleep…everything just reminded me of things I don’t want to think about right now.”

She could feel his eyes on her, but didn’t turn to meet his probing gaze. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” She didn’t. Clarke was tired and just wanted to forget how fucked up her life was at the moment. She felt a big hand rest on her shoulder and finally met Bellamy’s eyes. He gave her a small, understanding smile. 

“I should go, I don’t want to keep you up.” Clarke moved to stand but Bellamy grabbed her hand before she could get too far. 

“Clarke, wait.” She turned around. Bellamy seemed apprehensive, but he didn’t drop her gaze. “You can stay. If you want, that is.” One hand scratched the back of his neck. It was a nervous impulse of his that Clarke had come to notice. “I mean I get it if you don’t want to but sometimes when… things… overwhelm me I don’t want to be alone. So if you don’t want to be alone then you don’t have to be.” Clarke studied him, trying to decide what the right course of action was in the given situation. “I won’t touch you or anything, I swear,” Bellamy added after a beat. 

Clarke looked at the door and weighed her options. She knew she wouldn’t get any sleep in her childhood bedroom. There were other guest rooms, but they would feel cold and empty. There was no way in hell she was going to sleep with her mom. Not sleeping at all wasn’t a great option either, given the fact that she had no idea how trying the next day would become. 

She trusted Bellamy. And he looked so warm and safe and comforting. Clarke remembered how peaceful she had felt watching him sleep and wondered how good it would feel to hear those steady breaths next to her. 

Clarke turned back to Bellamy and nodded, letting him pull her by their still clasped hands into the bed next to him. He tugged up the covers up over them. 

True to his word, Bellamy didn’t touch her. He stayed safely on his side of the large mattress. Despite the distance, Clarke could feel the heat rolling off him and hear him breathing. For the first time in days, she felt safe. 

Clarke reached across the space between them and grabbed Bellamy’s hand. After a moment he responded, squeezing her fingers slightly to acknowledge their hands’ embrace. 

“Thank you.” Her voice was quiet and thick with emotion. 

Bellamy turned his head towards her. “Anytime, Princess.” 

Clarke was asleep within minutes. 

The first thing Clarke noticed when she came to in the morning was something warm against her. Her sleepy mind didn’t think too much about this, instead choosing to try and get closer to the warmth. As she wiggled back into whatever her solid heat source was, a wave of warm air brushed over her ear as a disembodied voice groaned slightly. 

A thick arm tightened around her waist and Clarke suddenly became very aware of who her heat source was and whose leg was between her legs and whose mouth was buried in her hair and whose arm was curled around her holding her close. Memories of how close they had been on the porch a few weeks before flooded into her mind and Clarke became desperate to get away. 

As gently was she could, Clarke wiggled out of Bellamy’s tight embrace praying he was still asleep. Once she was off the bed she turned around and watched Bellamy (still sleeping, thank God) roll onto his back. 

She tiptoed out of the room and didn’t notice Bellamy let out a sigh as he opened his eyes, having been awake for an hour already. 

Abby was already gone by the time Clarke got out of the shower and padded into the kitchen to make coffee. She sat on the front porch watching neighbors walk to work and tourists make their way to Eastern Market or Capitol Hill. Her mug was nearly empty by the time the front door opened and Bellamy sat next to her. 

“Morning.”

“Morning.”

They sat in silence while he finished his coffee. Neither mentioned the night before, but the feeling of his firm body pressed up against her own remained in Clarke’s mind. 

At 11:00 they climbed into the truck and made their way to the hospital. Bellamy waited patiently as Clarke picked out a new bouquet in the gift shop before following her up the elevator and down the hall to Wells room. 

The doctors informed her that there was still no change in his condition. No news was better than good news though, she supposed. 

Clarke placed the flowers on Wells’ beside table and kissed his brow. She settled in the chair next to his bed while Bellamy moved towards the door. 

“You can stay if you want.”

Bellamy froze, his hand hovering over the door handle. 

“He liked yo- likes you,” Clarke corrected herself. “After he got back from Chicago he called me. I asked him what he thought of you and Octavia and everyone. He didn’t think he would like you, no thanks to me, but he did. He thought you were a good man.” 

Bellamy turned to her, his face unreadable. 

“I’m sure he wouldn’t mind the extra company,” she added softly. 

Finally, Bellamy nodded and grabbed a spare chair. He placed it next to her and took a seat. 

“I like him too.” His voice was quiet, a little unsure. 

Clarke smiled at him. She grabbed Wells hand and they sat in silence for a while. 

“I hated him for a long time, you know.” Bellamy didn’t say anything but his eyes searched hers. Clarke turned away and watched Wells’ unconscious form. “After my dad died, I blamed him for a while. He let me blame him even though it wasn’t his fault at all.”

Bellamy still didn’t say anything, but Clarke suddenly felt the urge to tell him all about her father, all about things she had sworn never to talk about long ago. 

“My dad, he wasn’t involved in politics at all. My mom was always the one organizing functions and making connections. Dad just tagged along for the ride. He was never really a fan of my mom’s political relations. Washington can be a very cutthroat place and it never sat well with Dad. He always spoke about the importance of honesty and transparency. Whenever my parents fought it turned into an argument about the people my mom associated our family with. They weren’t shady people, not on the surface. But my dad didn’t trust them. I mean some of the politicians we knew he liked; I’m not saying they are all bad. But there were some, like Senator Sydney who just rubbed him the wrong way. I think things got worse when I left for college. They didn’t have me as a middle ground anymore.” Clarke’s voice got choked as tears welled up in her eyes. She felt Bellamy’s hand envelope her own but she kept her eyes on Wells. 

“Anyways, three years ago Wells’ dad was up for reelection. The polls weren’t looking very good for him and he and my mom were getting a little desperate. She wanted him to win because he made sure the hospital got plenty of funding, plus our families go way back. I was in med school at the time, I went to Georgetown, and I don’t think they knew I was back in the house grabbing some extra canvases I had left in my room. My window was open and I heard them talking in the back.” Tears slipped out of Clarke’s eyes and she brushed them away gruffly. 

“Apparently my mom had gone to meet with a few old political connections that afternoon to work out a deal to pull some strings and ensure Thelonious’ reelection. My dad was really pissed about it. He got my mom to share the details of the deal. There is no point in me explaining it all now, but if a reporter got their hands on the deal, Thelonius would never be reelected, the senators and high up government workers involved would probably have received corruption charges, and my family’s name would become taboo on Capital Hill.”

“My dad knew all of that, but he told my mom he was going to go to a contact at the Washington Post anyways. He said it was the right thing to do, that even though we were close with the Jahas we couldn’t blatantly trample on democracy. My mom fought him on it. She argued that our family and Wells’ family would be ruined. That our legacies would be stained and she couldn’t let that happen. He only agreed to stay silent when she said that my career and social life would be destroyed. But I disagreed.” 

Clarke’s tears were now freely flowing down her cheeks. Bellamy handed her a tissue as she continued her story. 

“I told him that I had overheard them when I met him for lunch at his office the next day. I said that I didn’t care about the backlash we would face, he was right that we should come forward about the deal. There were too many dirty deals going on and I was just as sick of it as he was. He told me he was proud of me for wanting to come clean and promised me he would bring the deal to light. We agreed not to tell my mom.” A sob wracked her body. “That was the last time I saw my dad alive.” 

“I called Wells that night and told him everything. I wanted to tell someone and I knew I couldn’t tell my mom. I also wanted him to be ready when the story broke. He promised me he wouldn’t tell anyone that my dad was going to go forward with the story. Wells had always been like me, he didn’t like the deals our parents made.”

“The next day my mom showed up at my apartment livid. She had found out my dad was going to meet with the reporter because I had convinced him to. She lectured me for an hour about it before finally leaving when she had to go to work and I had to go to class.”

“That night…” Clarke’s voice broke. “That night my parents were in an accident. They were on their way to a hospital dinner and, being my parents, didn’t want our friends to know how broken the marriage was at that point or what my dad was going to do.” She grasped Bellamy’s hand tightly. “A driver careened into them in an intersection. My dad was in the driver’s seat and his side of the car took the brunt of the impact. My mom was miraculously fine other than some bruises and a shattered ankle. My dad… he was bleeding really badly. He died before the EMTs arrived.”

“Clarke-”

“I was stunned when I heard the news. And I was angry. I was so angry. Because how could my mother, a world-class surgeon, not know to apply pressure to his wound? The medical examiner said that if proper pressure had been applied he could have survived until the ambulance got there. He could have made it and my mom had to have known that. She has always claimed she was in shock and not thinking straight but I was so convinced for so long that she had done it on purpose, I still am I guess. She let him die to protect our family’s name. I blamed her for letting my dad die and I blamed Wells for giving her the motive. I assumed that he had been the one to tell Jaha, who then told my mom, that my dad was going to the Post anyways. That his betrayal of my trust was the reason she let my dad die.” 

“I didn’t speak to him for half a year, not until my mom revealed in the middle of an argument that my dad had told her that night he was still going to go to the press. He had wanted to warn her so she could prepare, just like I had wanted to warn Wells.”

“I wasted six months of our time together because I was too stubborn to listen to him, to trust him. Those are six months I can never get back. What if he dies, Bellamy, and I wasted six extra months I could have had with him? How can I ever live with myself?” Her chest heaved with the force of her sobs and Bellamy pulled her onto his lap. He held her close, soothingly stroking her hair while whispering words of comfort in her ear. 

Even after her tears finally subsided, Clarke remained on Bellamy’s lap leaning her head against his chest. He was warm and his steady heartbeat and strong arms wrapped around her made Clarke feel secure. Something about Bellamy always managed to calm the storm inside her.

They sat in the quiet, sterile room for a while watching Wells’ chest ride and fall to the beeping of the monitor. 

The sharp ringing of Bellamy’s phone broke the peace. Clarke scooted off his lap so he could reach into his pocket to grab the piercing device. He checked the screen and looked up at her apologetically. 

“Its O.” Bellamy seemed unsure of whether or not he should answer, whether Clarke still needed him or if he could leave her. 

“You should take it.”

He nodded, eyes still filled with concern for her, before answering and leaving the room. 

Clarke turned back to Wells. She perched herself on the hospital bed next to him, laying a hand over his chest. 

“Don’t die on me, Wells. Please.”

His peaceful face remained unchanged. 

“I can’t do this without you Wells. I’ve always had you in my life. You are the one I’m suppose to be able to depend on.” She sighed and combed her fingers through his hair as more tears slipped down her cheeks. 

“Please come back to me.”

Clarke heard the door open behind her and felt Bellamy’s eyes on her back. He came up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder. Clarke wiped away her tears and turned to Bellamy. 

“We should go get lunch.”

“You sure you want to leave?”

Clarke nodded. “The doctor said it isn’t likely anything will change today. It’s been hours since breakfast; I know a place not to far away. We can come back after.”

Bellamy nodded and grabbed his jacket, holding Clarke’s out to her. She kissed Wells on the cheek and said goodbye before grabbing her coat from Bellamy. He opened the door for her as she asked what Octavia had called about. 

“She just called to check up on us. See how things are going, how Wells is.” 

“That’s nice of her.”

“She’s worried, Clarke. About him and about you.”

Clarke felt another lump forming in her throat. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve the Blakes in her life. 

They got lunch at a little sandwich place she had frequented in med school. Halfway through the meal, Clarke’s phone rang. It was the hospital. 

Bellamy saw her freeze while staring at the phone. 

“Clarke, what is it?”

“It’s… it’s the hospital.” Her heart pounded in her chest. Wells had died. She had left and Wells had died. 

“You need to answer, Clarke.” She couldn’t though. She couldn’t because then this would all become real and she would lose Wells like she lost her father. 

Bellamy seemed to sense her panic. He grabbed the phone out of her hand and answered for her. 

“No, she isn’t able to answer right now but I can take message and let her know. Yes she is with me. No we are not driving. Yes. Yes. Oh my God. Okay. When? Yeah, of course. Yes. Thank you, doctor. Alright, goodbye.”

Clarke couldn’t look at him. She didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes. 

“Clarke,” his voice wasn’t melancholy. Quite the opposite. Clarke looked up barely allowing herself to hope. A grin spread across Bellamy’s face. “He’s awake, Princess. Woke up twenty minutes ago.”

“What?” This couldn’t be real; it was too good to be real. Bellamy stood up and threw money on the table. He grabbed her hands, pulling her up to her feet before grabbing her face in between his hands. 

“Wells is awake!” 

Clarke let out a relieved laugh and smiled wide. “Oh my God! Oh my God, he is okay! He is alive.” She laughed joyfully, unable to contain her relief. Pulling Bellamy into her, she held him tight. 

He pulled away first, dragging her towards the door. “Come on, Princess. Lets go see the Prince.” 

She giggled but followed after Bellamy, never dropping his hand even after catching up to him. 

It took everything in Clarke not to crush Wells into her chest the moment she saw him awake. If it weren’t for the wound in his chest, she most definitely would have. Instead, Clarke settled for holding his hand tightly and kissing his cheek.

“I’m so glad you are okay. I’m so, so glad.” Tears were back in her eyes but for the first time in days they weren’t caused by grief. 

Wells chuckled quietly. “Hey, don’t cry.”

“Don’t you ever do that again. You can’t scare me like that.”

Wells just smiled up at her and squeezed her hand. “I’m glad you are here, Clarke.”

“Me too,” she said with a watery laugh. Wells seemed to notice Bellamy for the first time and gave him a slight nod. 

“Glad you are okay, man.”

“Thanks.” He was clearly confused as to why Bellamy was there. Clarke quickly explained. “You didn’t have to do that, Bellamy,” Wells said when she was finished but the gratefulness in his voice spoke louder than his words. 

“Yes I did.” 

Before anything else could be said, Thelonius burst into the room and ran to his son’s side. 

“Wells! Oh my boy, thank God!” 

Soon Abby and Kane joined them in the hospital room while Bellamy slipped out into the hall. Hours later a nurse came in telling them that visiting hours were over. 

The group all ate at Abby’s house. While the older adults sat at the dining room table discussing the next steps for Wells, Clarke and Bellamy sat in the kitchen. Clarke didn’t feel like dealing with her mom or talking logistics. She just wanted to relish in the fact that Wells was still alive. 

“Good day, Princess?” Bellamy asked, his grin matching her own. 

“Great day, old man.” He chuckled and stole a strawberry from her plate. 

Clarke spent almost the entire next day with Wells. She sat on his bed talking about anything and everything still immeasurably grateful that he was still in her life. 

“So what is up with you and Bellamy?” Wells finally asked while he stared intently at the yellow jello on his hospital tray. 

“What do you mean?”

Wells gave her a skeptical look. “You know what I mean, Clarke.”

Clarke did but didn’t want to address the subject she had been carefully avoiding. “I don’t. He drove me here and has been helping me out if that’s what you mean.” She picked at the blanket on Wells’ bed refusing to meet his eyes. 

“Oh come on, Griffin. I saw you two when I was in Chicago and all I can say is that it is more than obvious you no longer hate each other. And now this? The man drove you all the way here and hasn’t left your side all week. That isn’t something that a housemate does, most friends wouldn’t even do that. Drive you here maybe but not wait for hours in the hospital with you.” 

Clarke was suddenly frustrated, though she couldn’t really figure out why. “Don’t be an ass Wells,” she snapped, instantly feeling bad about it. 

He just laughed it off. “Why won’t you just admit you like him?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Mhm.”

“I live with him, Wells. If something went wrong then I would have to move out and I love the house, plus it isn’t worth losing him or Octavia as friends. I’m not ready to date again anyways. After Finn… I just need time by myself for a while.”

Wells nodded, his expression more serious in the face of her vulnerability. 

“Anyways, enough about my nonexistent love life. Are there any lucky ladies in your life, Mr. Jaha? Any nurses perhaps?” 

At three Bellamy knocked on the door and came in. Clarke knew it was time to go. They had agreed earlier in the week to leave that day and 4:00 in the afternoon was the latest they wanted to depart. 

She nodded at Bellamy to let him know she understood before turning back to Wells. 

“Time for you to go, huh, Griffin.” She nodded tearfully. Wells pulled her down into a gentle embrace. “Hey, I’m okay. I’m going to be fine.”

“I know… just be careful, okay?”

“I will. I promise.” She nodded again, trying to brush her tears away. Wells grabbed her hand. “It was good to see you, Clarke.”

“I’m glad you are okay.”

“Me too.”

“I was so worried-”

“Hey, that’s over now, okay? I’m fine.”

She nodded again and kissed him on the cheek before standing. “I’ll call you tomorrow morning.”

Wells smiled and nodded. “Goodbye, Clarke. Safe drive home.”

“Bye, get better and call when you can.”

“Will do Griffin. Look out for her, Bellamy.”

“We both know she can handle herself, but I’ll do my best.” 

Wells grinned in agreement. 

Bellamy put his arm around Clarke’s shoulders as they walked out of the hospital for the last time. He pulled her close and pressed a small kiss into her hair. Clarke couldn’t help but think of Wells’ words. That isn’t something a housemate does. 

They stopped at her mom’s house to grab their bags and say goodbye to Abby. 

Clarke hugged her mom awkwardly before grabbing her bags and heading towards the door. Abby nodded at Bellamy as he moved to join Clarke at the door. 

“Please call more, Clarke. I know things aren’t great between us but they can’t improve without communication.” 

Clarke looked at the floor for a long moment before muttering, “Okay.” Abby was right, after all. 

The ride home couldn’t be more different than the ride to Washington. Bellamy and Clarke joked around, making fun of the hick towns they passed through and arguing over radio stations. 

When they finally pulled into the gravel drive, night had fallen heavily over Chicago. The lights were off in the house but for once Clarke was certain no surprise party awaited them.

Bellamy dropped their bags on the porch while he fumbled with the house keys. Before he could unlock the door, Clarke reached out and grabbed his hand, turning him towards her. 

“Clarke-”

“Thank you. For everything. I couldn’t have done this without you.”

Bellamy looked at her intensely for a moment before nodding. A dog barked down the barren street causing him to turn his head. Impulsively, Clarke leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek. The second before her lips touched his skin, Bellamy turned back to her. The question on his lips died as her lips touched his. They both froze in shock before jerking away from each other as if burned. 

Clarke’s hand flew up to her lips that still tingled with his warmth. She could feel her face flushing. Bellamy was breathing heavily staring at her with a strange look in his eyes. 

Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe I bet y'all thought I actually was heartless enough to kill Wells. To be honest I played around with it but in the end couldn't bring myself to make Clarke's life any more sucky. 
> 
> I loved writing about them in DC. I live just outside the city and its one of my favorite places to go. There is nothing like breakfast at Eastern Market and an afternoon in the Gallery. 
> 
> Anyways, I hope y'all liked it and all the fluff I managed to throw in. 
> 
> Thanks again for the comments :) Y'all at too sweet!


	11. Turkey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm so late with this, I'm really sorry guys. Life just got in the way. I have already started the next chapter (it was supposed to be part of this one but I just got a little carried away and it ended up way too long). I'm hoping it will be up by next week but honestly things are hectic right now so I'm not sure. Anyways, I hope this makes up for the wait.

“I-I’m sorry I thought-”

“No it was my fault I should have-”

“I was just trying to thank you-”

“Really, Princess it was just-”

Both Bellamy and Clarke’s rush of excuses faded as they both laughed nervously. He ran a hand through his hair and she tired to look anywhere other than his eyes. It was an accident, that was all. It didn’t mean anything. Yes her heart was pounding and yes she still felt his warmth on her lips and yes a part of her wanted to try again but that didn’t mean anything. Clarke could practically hear Wells’ voice contradicting her thoughts but she pushed him away. 

“Well, we should probably, you know…” Clarke gestured at the door Bellamy was blocking.

He stared at her dumbly for a second, eyes still wide with shock, before registering her words. “Oh, right, uh, sorry.” Bellamy jumped out of the way of the door and grabbed their bags. Clarke held the door open for him before following Bellamy into the house and up the stairs. On the upstairs landing he handed Clarke her large Vera Bradley tote and seemed to search her face at a loss for what to say. Clarke saved him the trouble. 

“Well, goodnight,” she stammered out awkwardly. 

“Uh, yeah. Night.” 

Neither of them moved. 

“Um, about… what happened, Bellamy. It was an accident; I swear I wasn’t… I was going to kiss you on the cheek because-”

“Don’t worry about it, Princess.” The gravity in his eyes seemed to contradict the nonchalance of his words. Clarke nodded a little too enthusiastically. 

“Yeah, uh, lets just forget about it, huh?”

“Like it never happened,” he agreed. 

“Just some weird fluke.”

“Yep.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay well…”

“Oh, right. Uh, goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Clarke.”

“Thanks again, for everything.”

“No problem.”

“Right, goodnight. For real this time.”

He chuckled, “For real. Goodnight.”

They stared at each other for a moment longer before turning away to their respective rooms. Hours later Clarke still lay wide awake in bed trying hard to forget the awkward accident. It was a hard thing to do, though, when her senses were still overwhelmed by how close they had been, how his lips had felt, the strange look in his eyes afterwards. With a groan Clarke flopped onto her stomach. For the first time in months she hated Bellamy Blake again, though it was for a reason very different than it ever had been before. 

Sure enough, the next morning Bellamy did a wonderful job of acting like they hadn’t accidentally kissed the night before. Octavia rambled on about what she had done that week and questioned Clarke and Bellamy about DC and Wells. Bellamy easily slid into his signature sarcastic humor, teasing both girls while making them breakfast. From the outside Clarke was sure it seemed as if nothing had changed, but she could help but feel that underneath something was different. 

In the middle of October Monty turned 21. He was the last of Octavia’s friend to reach the landmark and she and Jasper were determined to make the most of it. Monty, however, begged for a small, simple dinner with the group and thanks to the help of Miller, Clarke was able to convince Octavia to settle for a big potluck at the Blake’s. 

“I just can’t believe he doesn’t want a party, he is 21 for God’s sake!”

“Yeah like this would be his first taste of alcohol,” Miller said sarcastically. 

“That’s not the point-” 

“The point is, Octavia, that its Monty’s birthday and this is what he wants,” Clarke interrupted. 

“Fine, but its going to be the best damn potluck of his life.”

“It better be.” Miller sounded determined. 

To Miller’s approval, the potluck certainly was pretty damn good. It was made even better when Maya graciously accepted her earnings after winning the running bet on when Monty and Miller would finally get together. 

“What are you so smiley about, Princess,” Bellamy asked, startling Clarke as she leaned against the wall watching Monty and Miller. 

“Nothing,” she replied as he settled next to her. “They are just cute, that’s all.”

“I just don’t understand why they couldn’t have been cute two weeks later and let me win the bet.” 

Clarke laughed and nudged Bellamy’s shoulder. “Just because you aren’t a romantic doesn’t mean others can’t be.” 

“Who says I’m not a romantic?” 

Clarke scoffed. “Oh I don’t know, maybe the constant flow of women who frequented your room this spring?”

Bellamy rolled his eyes at her. “Oh come on, Princess. Don’t tell me you are jealous.” 

She narrowed his eyes at his boyish smirk. “Not in the slightest, Bellamy Blake.”

A comfortable silence settled over them as they watched the new couple giggling on the couch. 

“Just because I like hooking up doesn’t mean I’m not romantic you know.”

“Bellamy-”

“I do want something like that,” he continued, gesturing towards Miller and Monty. “I mean, eventually, I would like to settle down. With the right person.”

“Are you drunk?” Clarke joked to lighten the mood. For some reason Bellamy talking about settling down made her nervous. 

Bellamy laughed. “Maybe a little, Princess. But that doesn’t mean I’m not serious.” 

Clarke studied him for a moment before saying, “I don’t know if I’ll ever settle down.”

Bellamy turned his gaze down toward her, surprise in his eyes. “Any why is that, Princess?”

“I don’t know,” she replied with a shrug. “Maybe I’m not supposed to. I really thought that Finn could be the one. Other than him I’ve never met anyone who I could see myself really marrying or anything. Plenty of women don’t marry or have kids now. Maybe I’m one of them.” After she finished speaking she looked up to meet Bellamy’s gaze. His eyes were intensely focused on her. 

“Don’t give up just yet, Princess,” Bellamy said after a moment, voice deep and rough in a way that sent a shiver down Clarke’s spine. She cleared her throat and broke away from his dark eyes before mumbling some excuse about getting another beer. Minutes later, as she sat in the kitchen holding an unopened beer bottle, Clarke did her best not to read too much into his words. 

Both Bellamy and Clarke had to work on Halloween so Octavia decided to spend the evening with Lincoln in the city. Clarke was excited to work the holiday shift. Halloween was always a busy night at the ER and Clarke loved being kept on her toes. Bellamy, however, didn’t seem quite so enthusiastic about working when she said met him on the porch in the evening. 

“Just kill me now,” he groaned as he followed her down the front steps. When their shifts matched up like this he had gotten into the habit of dropping her off at the hospital before continuing on to the precinct. Clarke laughed at his dramatic flair. 

“Hey it won’t be that bad. It will be busy so the time will fly by.”

Bellamy rolled his eyes at her. “Of course you would love working a busy night. Miller has told me horror stories about the shit people get up to on Halloween. There is nothing more annoying than drunk teenagers which he claims is the majority of what I’m gonna be dealing with.”

“At least you aren’t being shot at.”

“I don’t know, if given the choice I might-”

“Oh shut up,” Clarke laughed, hitting him lightly on the shoulder as she slid into the passenger seat of his patrol car. “When do you get off?”

“Three in the morning. You?”

“Two thirty.”

“Are you walking home?” Bellamy looked concerned. Recently he had been more vocal about how much he didn’t like Clarke walking home from the hospital late at night. 

“I’ll be fine.”

“Clarke-”

“Really, Bellamy, I have been doing it for months now.”

He fixed her with a look as he pulled into the street but dropped the subject. A few minutes later they pulled up to Sacred Ground. Clarke could feel Bellamy’s eyes on her again as she gathered her things. 

“After we both get home tonight we should do something, you know for Halloween.”

“Sure. If you get a cab home.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and huffed. “Bellamy I am old enough to-”

“It doesn’t matter how old you are, Clarke. I know this neighborhood and what can happen in it. If being a cop has taught me anything it’s that-”

“I’m not paying a cab to take me less than-”

“Then I can pick you up.”

“My shift ends half an hour before you even get off and the precinct is all the way in-”

“Clarke, I just don’t want-”

“I am capable of taking care of myself.” Her voice was sharper than she intended but Clarke didn’t apologize. She was sick of him worrying about her safety. For months Clarke had been walking to and from the hospital and had been fine. 

Bellamy stared at her for a long moment before letting out a long, frustrated sigh. 

“Fine. But I swear if I get a call that a blonde was assaulted-”

Clarke cut him off by slamming the patrol door closed and walking into the hospital. 

As expected, her night flew by as a flood of patients assaulted the ER. After discharging a kid who had broken his leg trick-or-treating, Clarke was assigned a new patient who her boss, Dr. Nyko, said seemed to be in an altered mental state and was suffering from a head wound. 

“Be careful, Griffin. He looks like trouble.”

“I’ll be fine, Nyko,” Clarke replied harshly, Bellamy’s words returning fresh to her mind. 

The man certainly did seem to be in a state. He mumbled incoherently as she and a nurse inspected the gash on his head. 

“Should we run a toxicology test, Dr. Griffin?”

“No, not yet. I think that this is just because of his head wo-” The words died in her mouth as the dirty, disheveled patient lurched forward and grabbed her hair. Clarke struggled against his grip but it was iron clad. She felt a second grubby, rough hand curl around her throat. 

The nurse screamed as the man choking Clarke rambled on about how she couldn’t make him go back to war. He seemed to not realize where he was or who she was. Clarke tried to speak, to tell the nurse to get help or maybe try to talk down her disorientated attacker, but no air could get through her throat. Black spots danced in front of her eyes as she clawed at the hand holding her throat. Suddenly strong arms pulled her away, breaking the patient’s vice like grip on her. 

Clarke gasped for breath on the floor, holding her head where her hair had been pulled. Everything happened in a blur; two of the larger nurses restraining the patient, Dr. Nyko pulling the nurse that had been assisting her from the room. A familiar faced danced into her vision. 

“Clarke? Clarke are you okay? Just breathe alright, everything is okay.” Lexa turned away to bark out orders to someone outside of the room before pulling Clarke to her feet. “Come on.”

A moment later Clarke was sitting in the break room nursing a water bottle. Lexa watched her from across the table, eyes full of concern. 

“I’m fine, Lexa. It was just shock. Really I’m okay.”

“Clarke a patient just tried to strangle you.”

“That’s just part of the job. Now if you don’t mind I would really like to get back to mine.”

“You don’t have to do this.”

“What, my job?”

“No, act like nothing is wrong. It’s okay to be scared, Clarke. This was scary.”

“This is my job,” Clarke snapped but made no move to get up. She was scared shitless, but more than anything Clarke just wanted to get back to work and push the attack to the back of her mind.

“Clarke-”

“Look I appreciate it, Lexa, really, but I just want to get back to my patients.”  
The doctor across opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted before she could.

“Griffin, go home.” Dr. Nyko strode into the room with his arms crossed. 

“Sir, I just want to-”

“I know you just want to work, Griffin, but there’s only thirty minutes left on your shift. Even if that weren’t the case I would send you home. You were attacked. You’re lucky I’m not making you talk to a counselor or the police.”

“It wasn’t-”

“Clarke I’m not asking you if you want to go home, I’m telling you to. Unless you want that counselor I want you gone.” Dr. Nyko was especially formal when it came to work. The fact that he used her first named told Clarke he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. With a resigned sigh, Clarke nodded. 

“Fine.”

“Is there anyone you want us to call?” 

“No, I’ll be fine.” 

Minutes later Clarke stepped out into the night air. Something about being out of the hospital snapped Clarke out of her defiance. She crumpled down onto a bench with a shaky breath as the attack replayed in her mind. The screaming, the demented look in the man’s eyes, the feeling of gasping for air and coming up dry. Before she could stop herself Clarke whipped out her phone. 

Bellamy answered on the fourth ring. 

“Clarke?”

Suddenly she couldn’t catch her breath as a panic rose in her gut. 

“Clarke? Clarke, what’s wrong? Breathe, Princess. Talk to me.”

“I… I just…”

“Clarke?”

“Can you drive me home?”

He was silent for a long moment. 

“What happened?”

“Nothing, Bellamy, I just-”

“Clarke, what happened?”

She sighed with frustration. “I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Can you just pick me up?”

“You still at the hospital?”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t leave my shift early but-”

“That’s fine. I’ll be out front.”

She was met with extended silence again before Bellamy’s deep voice responded. 

“Are you okay?” Clarke could hear the worry in his words. 

“Yeah,” her voiced cracked against her will. “Yeah I’m okay.”

“Alright.” Bellamy didn’t sound convinced. “See you soon, Princess.”

“Okay.” 

He showed up just under an hour later. Clarke was still sitting on the bench, staring out into the night and hugging her knees to her chest when Bellamy pulled up to the curb. She stood as he slammed his door and moved towards her, eyes full of worry and unspoken questions. 

“I’m fine,” Clarke said hastily when Bellamy stopped in front of her, still in his full uniform. 

She could she in his eyes that Bellamy was not convinced but he just nodded and opened the passenger side of his squad car. 

The short drive home was silent. Clarke stared out her window watching the dark houses pass by. She could feel Bellamy’s eyes on her occasionally but ignored them. Their argument earlier still annoyed Clarke and a part of her almost regretted calling him to pick her up; regretted showing weakness. After all nothing that bad had happened at the hospital. There were stories about patients, either on drugs or scared out of their minds, attacking doctors. It was just part of the job, especially in this part of the city. 

To his credit, Bellamy didn’t push her for information. Even after they settled on the couch, Clarke in an old t-shit and Bellamy in sweat pants, he didn’t ask her what had happened. It was clear, however, that he knew something was up thanks to the frequent looks he gave her as Clarke flicked through the channels. 

Fifteen minutes into the half finished Blair Witch Project, Clarke let her head fall against Bellamy’s shoulder as she let out a sigh. Bellamy seemed to interpret it as his cue to speak. 

“Clarke, I know something is up. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but I here if you need to talk.”

Clarke was silent for a long while. She focused on the rise and fall of his shoulder as he breathed, on the movie playing on TV, the faint rattle of the heating. Finally she spoke without raising her head.

“A patient attacked me.” Bellamy’s arm around her shoulder tightened and Clarke could feel his muscles tensing beneath her head. “It wasn’t a big deal, really. He had a bad head wound and looking back he probably was on some kind of drug or something. He didn’t seem to understand where he was or what was happening.”

“Did he hurt you?” There was a possessive quality to his voice that was almost masked by the concern, but not quite.

“No. Well, he… he tried to strangle me but-”

Bellamy pulled away and turned to face her, outrage on his face. “What? Clarke-”

“There was a nurse in there with me and they quickly got him off me, Bellamy. Like I said it’s no big deal. This happens to ER doctors all the time.” 

“Clarke someone tried to-”

“They asked me if I wanted to talk to a counselor or the cops but I didn’t so my supervisor told me to go home, my shift was almost over anyways. I really am okay.”

“Yeah and that’s why you called me to pick you up after decidedly telling me off for offering to pick you up.” Clarke rolled her eyes at him. “Its okay to be scared, Clarke.”

She let out a huff of frustration and turned back to the movie after pointedly scooting away from him on the couch. It was Bellamy’s turn to roll his eyes.

By the time the movie ended they were on friendly terms again, but both determinedly avoided the topic of Clarke’s attack. When they parted ways at the top of the steps for bed Bellamy gave Clarke a hard look. Shying away from his worried eyes she turned and crossed into her room. Thankfully Clarke fell asleep almost instantly after collapsing into bed. 

An hour later, however, she jolted awake, grasping at her throat. In her dream invisible hands had clasped around her neck as Wells’ shouted for her help in the distance. Still gulping in air Clarke threw off her covers and opened the window. It had been years since her nightmares last struck. After her dad’s death they had been bad but slowly went away with time. 

She tried to climb back into bed, but every time she closed her eyes invisible hands crawled up to her throat. Involuntarily her mind went to Bellamy and how quickly she had fallen asleep with him in DC. Forcing the idea from her mind Clarke flipped over and tried to fall asleep. 

An hour later, still wide awake despite her exhaustion, Clarke sighed resignedly and slipped out of bed. Bellamy’s door was shut causing Clarke to hesitate for a moment before twisting the handle as quietly as possible. Bellamy was sprawled out on top of the covers wearing only a pair of boxers. Blushing at his state of undress, Clarke took a moment to gaze around the room. She had only been in it once before, when they had fought so viciously back in the spring. Back then she had been entirely focused on him and her anger, not at all concerned with her surroundings. Looking around the dark room now, Clarke couldn’t help but smile. 

The room was surprisingly neat; no doubt a leftover trait from his days in the army. Books were piled on nearly every available surface. There was a bike in the corner and numerous pictures in frames on his dresser. Yet in many ways Clarke also saw the touches of his mom who had called this room her own years before. There were flowery, patterned curtains on the windows and pictures of two kids with dark hair adorned the walls next to small paintings of flowers and the seaside. Clarke supposed she should find it a bit strange that after living in the room for half a year Bellamy hadn’t taken away the feminine touches, but then again she had gotten the sense his mother’s death had been pretty traumatic. She hadn’t wanted to touch any of her father’s things after he died, it felt sacrilegious almost. Perhaps Bellamy felt the same. 

With a sigh she padded over to the bed, staring at his sleeping form for a moment before tapping Bellamy lightly on the shoulder. He woke immediately, jerking awake with a wild look in his eyes. Startled, Clarke let out an embarrassing sound of fright before composing herself. 

“Shit, Clarke, sorry… I thought…” He brushed a hand over his eyes trying to collect his thoughts and fully wake up. “What’s wrong?” His eyes were once again fixed on her and once again full of concern. 

“I-” Her voice broke causing Clarke to clear her throat and start again. “I had a bad dream.” Instantly she felt her face flush in embarrassment at the words. She must have sounded like a three year old. Bellamy, however, seemed unfazed. 

“You want to talk about it?”

Clarke shook her head. Bellamy reached out and grabbed her hand.

“I just don’t want to be alone,” she said quietly, refusing to meet his eyes. 

Instead of answering Bellamy used their linked hands to tug her onto the bed. Pulling back the covers, he let her settle underneath them before readjusting himself on the opposite side of the bed. 

“You don’t have to sleep on top of the covers. I don’t mind. Unless you want to- I’m not-” Clarke’s rambles were cut off with Bellamy’s quiet laugh. 

“I don’t mind it, Princess.”

“Oh, okay.” 

They both lay in silence for a little while as Clarke worked up the nerve to say what was sitting on her tongue. “Well, I just… I mean I hope this doesn’t sound… its just…” Bellamy looked at her, eyebrows raised. “I know this probably sounds stupid and I swear to God I am not trying to make a move or anything and I know I’m already imposing by waking you up and sleeping in here but-”

“If you want me to get under the covers just ask, Clarke.”

“I just want to feel someone else,” Clarke responded, sheepishly. “I know that probably sounds dumb.” 

“No, it doesn’t,” Bellamy said as he stood, pulled the covers back, and crawled in next to her. “I know the feeling. When I first came back one of the only things that made the nightmares go away was having someone in bed with me.”

Bellamy seemed unfazed by the reference to the string of women who had gone through the house in the spring, but Clarke felt her cheeks get even hotter. She was surprised when she felt a twinge of jealousy in her gut. 

He laid on his side facing her and they simply looked at each other for a long moment.

“Do you ever think about how it was before?”

Bellamy’s eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Us. How we use to fight all the time.”

He chuckled. “How you hated me?”

“I didn’t hate you.”

“Right.”

“I didn’t. You were a pain in my ass, yes, but I didn’t hate you.”

Bellamy flashed her a dazzling smile before flipping onto his back. Then, to her surprise, Clarke felt a long, strong arm wrap around her middle and pull her forward. Laying her head on his shoulder, Clarke stretched one arm across his torso and pressed herself against his side. It should have been awkward. She was flush against his naked chest, her bare leg lying almost on top of his, her cheek against his skin, her fingers on his abs. Somehow, though, it wasn’t. It just felt natural. 

Bellamy tangled his fingers in her hair and turned his head so his lips brushed against her forehead. “Are you sure you’re okay, Clarke?” His voice was quiet, all sweetness and concern. Clarke took a shuddering breath, unsure if it was his breath on her skin or her memories of the crazed patient that made it hard to breathe. 

“I can still feel his hands on my throat. When I close my eyes it’s like I can’t breath. It really wasn’t that serious of an attack, I swear, but it just freaked me out. The nurse just kept screaming and screaming. His eyes were so wild and confused and his fingers were so tight…”

Bellamy’s large hand rested on top of hers where it lay on his stomach. Clarke closed her eyes and breathed him in, letting her fingers snake in between his. “Thanks. For letting me sleep in here.”

“Anytime, Princess.” 

Clarke drifted off to sleep feeling much safer curled into Bellamy’s warm side. 

The next morning she woke before Bellamy. After watching his peaceful, sleeping form for a few minutes, Clarke slipped away. For the first time in three years she spent the morning sketching. 

Despite her best attempts, Clarke was unable to get enough time off to go back to DC for Thanksgiving. Wells was still recovering and had already been hooked into a fancy diner with some of his father’s donors so he was unable to come to Chicago. The week after she reached the unfortunate conclusion she would not be spending Thanksgiving with Wells for the first time in her life, Clarke sulked everywhere. 

“Oh come on, Clarke,” Octavia snapped one morning. “You can still have a fun Thanksgiving here. We’ll have everyone over, at least everyone that doesn’t go see family.”

“By that she means Murphy so maybe your frown isn’t unwarranted, Princess.”

“Shut up, Bellamy. Lincoln, Harper and Sterling are coming too. Look, Clarke, I know it sucks that you can’t go home, but you need to snap out of this.”

“But this is the first time-”

“I know you have told me a million times.” 

Clarke tried her best to come up with a protest, but she couldn’t. “Fine,” she sighed, ignoring Bellamy’s smirk. 

“Good. Now that that’s addressed lets get down to business.”

Bellamy groaned as he came over to sit at the kitchen table with the women. “Stop over planning this, O.”

“I let you over plan the Fourth, you can let me over plan this, old man.”

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at the indignation on Bellamy’s face. An hour later Octavia had finished explaining her extensive plans for the holiday. Apparently Octavia liked to ensure everything even remotely stereotypical was done on Thanksgiving. From football to gingerbread houses the whole day was planned out. 

A few days before Thanksgiving Octavia sent Bellamy and Clarke on a mission to the grocery store to stock up for the big day. 

“I just don’t see why I need to go, Octavia,” Clarke complained as the brunette pushed her out the door. “This is my first day off in forever I just want to sleep.” 

“I don’t trust that jackass to go by himself. Last time he brought home the smallest turkey imaginable and an apple pie.”

Bellamy groaned from where he stood on the porch. “I was sick of pumpkin pie, O. You made us eat it as soon as November rolled around. And believe me, I learned my lesson last time.” 

“You bet your ass you did.”

“But-”

Octavia stopped Clarke’s protestations by clamping a hand over her mouth. “Just go, Clarke. “I’m going to be working too! I need to clean the house and get the decorations out and-”

“Okay, okay I get it,” Clarke interrupted with a huff. “But I am taking a nap when I get back and neither of you are going to stop me.”

Bellamy and Clarke were half way to the grocery store when they stopped at a red light. Clarke drew lazy designs on the fogged windows halfheartedly listening to the political discussion Bellamy had switched the radio to. Of course he would love NPR, Clarke thought to herself with a small smirk. 

“Something is up with Octavia.”

Clarke turned to the driver’s side. Bellamy was determinedly watching the traffic light but the white of his knuckles on the steering wheel revealed his agitation. 

“What do you mean?”

“She has never been this into Thanksgiving. It’s always been her favorite holiday, but usually we just have a nice dinner and watch the parade, maybe play charades or make a gingerbread house after. She is trying to fit every possible tradition in it this year though.”

The light turned and Bellamy accelerated forward. 

“Maybe she just wants to do more this year, Bellamy. That doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong.”

He shook his head. “No, I know O. Something’s up.”

Clarke turned away from him and watched the road ahead. “Whatever it is, if it is anything, I’m sure it’s not a big deal.”

“She hasn’t told you anything?”

“No. What would she have told me?”

“I don’t know. I just thought maybe she would confide in you.”

Clarke reached over and put a hand on his knee without thinking. “Bellamy, I’m sure everything is fine. She is probably just stressed with juggling work and school.”

He nodded but seemed unconvinced. By the time they pulled into a parking spot, however, he had snapped out of his mood and threw Clarke an easy smile as she grabbed a cart. 

“Alright, Chef Blake, what do we need?” 

Four days later Clarke was standing in the sweltering kitchen as Bellamy barked out orders on just how she should be dicing the sweet potatoes. She rolled her eyes as he grabbed the knife from her and began cutting the potatoes himself. 

“You know when you asked for help I kind of assumed that you actually wanted it,” Clarke retorted as she wiped her hands on her apron. It as yellow and frilly with the name ‘Aurora’ delicately embroidered across the chest. 

“When I asked for help I assumed you would be helpful.”

Clarke huffed and leaned against the counter. “Don’t be an ass. Its Thanksgiving.”

He threw her a look and Clarke narrowed her eyes before crossing the kitchen and grabbing a beer from the fridge. 

“So since I apparently can’t handle the sweet potatoes, turkey, stuffing, or green beans, what is it that I am allowed to help you with?”

Bellamy gazed around the messy kitchen. Food and dishes were strewn across every inch of counter space. The man himself was a mess. Flour was in his hair and there was a smudge of gravy on his cheek. Finally his eyes settled on the piecrusts. “You can do the pumpkin pie.”

“Oh come on, that isn’t even cooking. That’s just dumping the pie filling into the crust and sticking it in the oven.”

“Exactly.” 

Clarke huffed again but dutifully got to work on the pie. Bellamy had been on edge all morning. Clarke assumed it was due to the stress of cooking the meal for everyone and his concern that Octavia was hiding something. In order to break the tension in the room Clarke tried to make idle conversation. 

“So have you always cooked Thanksgiving dinner?”

“Yeah, I use to help Mom when O was little and then as I got older I just ended up cooking dinner most nights. I’ve always liked cooking, it gave me time alone with my mom and still relaxes me.”

“Really?” Clarke scoffed, unable to contain herself. “You don’t seem to relaxed right now.” Bellamy turned just to make sure Clarke could see him roll his eyes at her. 

“Believe it or not I am enjoying myself, Princess. I thrive in chaos.” Clarke had no doubt he did. His time in the army and now the police force were clear indications of how well he did under pressure. 

“Octavia doesn’t like to cook?”

“She doesn’t have the patience for it.”

Clarke hummed in agreement as she place the pie in the oven. Her experiences baking with Octavia had been quite certainly demonstrated the girl’s lack of patience. As if on cue, the younger Blake bounced into the kitchen. 

“Clarke! Harper is setting up the gingerbread house, come help us! You’ve missed almost all the parade already!” 

“She’s been helping me in the kitchen, unlike some of the freeloaders in the house.”

Octavia stuck out her tongue at her older brother. Clarke couldn’t help but smile at Octavia’s antics. Her giddiness over the holiday made her seem years younger. 

“You need any more help, Bellamy?”

“Nah, go have fun with the three year old. I’m good.”

“Shut up, old man,” Octavia groaned as she dragged Clarke into the dining room. A miserable looking Murphy was watching Harper set up the gingerbread house kit. Lincoln was sitting with Bellamy’s new partner, Sterling, watching the parade. 

They quickly got down to business decorating the cookie house while Murphy dryly commented on their work. As the three women began to stick gumdrops on the roof, Harper turned to Octavia. 

“So, Octavia, how are things with Lincoln?” 

Murphy let out a pitiful groan and got up. “There is no way in hell I am sitting through this crap.” Harper watched him leave with a satisfied smile on her face. 

“Nice one, Harper,” Octavia laughed. 

Clarke, however, used the opportunity to see if Bellamy’s concerns had any merit. “But in all seriousness, Octavia, how are things?”

The girl stared pointedly at the tube of frosting she was squeezing. “What do you mean? Things are great.” The force with which the frosting burst from the tube contradicted her statement. Harper gazed over curiously as Clarke pushed forward. 

“I don’t know, you have just seemed a little distracted lately, that’s all.”

Octavia rolled her eyes. “Bell put you up to this didn’t he, Clarke? He never asks for help in the kitchen I should have known-”

“No, he didn’t put me up to this. I’m just asking as your friend who loves you and wants to make sure everything in your life is okay.” 

The brunette sighed in frustration but still didn’t meet her eyes. “Yeah everything is great, okay?” 

Harper cleared her throat and an awkward silence settled over the table. A moment later Octavia dropped the frosting with defeat and gazed around to make sure the guys were distracted. “Fine,” she said resignedly. 

Clarke raised her eyebrows in question as Harper asked Octavia what she meant. 

“You have to swear not to tell anyone, both of you,” Octavia’s eyes were intense as the flitted between Clarke and Harper. Both blondes nodded solemnly as worry settled in Clarke’s stomach. 

“Octavia what is it? Is something wrong?” Harper asked softly. 

“No, in fact its actually good news in my opinion but I know some won’t take it that way.” Clarke didn’t miss the way Octavia’s eyes darted towards the kitchen. 

“You- You aren’t pregnant are you?” Clarke asked hesitantly. The question earned her a laugh from Octavia. 

“Oh hell no. It’s really not that big of a deal. I mean it is but-”

“Just spit it out already,” Harper whined. 

“Fine, fine. Lincoln asked me… to move in… with him a couple weeks ago and I said yes.”

“What?” Clarke couldn’t say she was surprised. Octavia and Lincoln were obviously getting pretty serious but the sudden thought of living alone in the house with Bellamy was unsettling to her. She was finding it harder and harder to ignore her obvious attraction to him, but at the same time Clarke still felt like she wasn’t ready to start any kind of relationship yet. Besides, she didn’t want to risk losing Bellamy’s hard earned friendship. Not having Octavia in the house as a buffer would only make things more difficult. 

“I have been a little on edge because I know Bell isn’t going to take it well. We decided to tell everyone today, but I’m just worried about how my brother is going to react. He has always been really protective of me, just because of how we grew up and all. I just don’t want it to make him angry with Lincoln. They are the two most important men in my life and I don’t want them fighting.”

“I’m sure he will understand, Octavia,” Harper said reassuringly.

“Its not just that though. He still treats me like a little kid but I’m not anymore. I want to be independent, I want him to understand I am my own person now, but I don’t want to argue with him, you know?” 

Clarke couldn’t help but understand where Bellamy’s likely hesitation would come from. Octavia had only turned 21 a few months earlier. Lincoln was the same age as Bellamy. Moving in wasn’t a huge step in a relationship, like an engagement or marriage, but it was big. Instead of voicing her thoughts, however, Clarke nodded and grabbed Octavia’s hand. “So you did everything you could to make sure today was perfect in order to offset his anger?”

“He hates ruining holidays with fights so I figured this was the safest bet. Especially since I went out of my way to make it a good day.” 

Clarke sighed, looking towards the kitchen. 

“Well,” Harper said, “tonight should be interesting.” They all laughed, more to release nerves than anything. “I’m sure it will be fine, Octavia. Bellamy loves you and just wants you to be happy.”

“I agree,” Clarke added. “Yes he will be pissy at first, but I’m sure he will be supportive in the end. Any anger he may have will be rooted in worry, just keep that in mind.”

Octavia nodded, silently signaling the end of the conversation. 

Before long dinner was served. It was impossible to not be amused by how proud Bellamy was of his work, despite the mocking jokes from Murphy and Sterling who had taken to calling him ‘dad’ for the day. The meal was mostly silent as everyone inhaled their food but was occasionally broken by a joke here and there. 

After the dishes had been cleared Octavia announced that they would play football before desert. Ignoring the chorus of protests and cries for pie, the resolute young woman forced everyone out of the house and towards the local elementary school’s field. 

“Alright losers, this is how its going to go,” Octavia proclaimed after shushing everyone. “Boys against girls, tackle football. I’m captain of the ladies, you assholes can figure out your own shit.” They quickly solved the issue of uneven numbers when Murphy made a joke about women playing sports and earned a bloody nose from Octavia who then added, “And Murphy will be the ref.” 

The game was brutal. Each side took no mercy with their tackles and runs. After an hour the score was tied and both teams were panting and sweaty despite the cold November air. 

“Alright,” Octavia huffed, “next team to get a touch down wins. I want pie.” 

A chorus of voices agreed with her statement as they all arranged themselves on the field. Murphy gazed up disinterestedly as he picked at the brown, dead grass of the field. 

Octavia snapped the ball back to Clarke who took off running. She managed to avoid both Sterling and Lincoln but as she neared the makeshift end zone a strong arm wrapped around her waist. 

“Bellamy, get off!”

“That defeats the purpose of the game, Princess,” he grunted in response as she managed to drag him a few inches forward with her. With a strong tug Bellamy hauled Clarke to the ground, the football bouncing away.

With a flash of anger Clarke turned to straddle Bellamy. “You fucking idiot! Do you want pie or not?”

Bellamy didn’t reply. His eyes were wide as he stared up at her and filled with something Clarke couldn’t name. It was only then that she realized her position and blushed. After hitting him on the chest, Clarke rolled off and retrieved the ball. 

To everyone’s surprise, and relief, Harper managed to secure the winning touchdown. 

“Hey so let’s never do that again, Octavia,” Harper said on the walk home. 

“Or at least let us eat out pie first,” Murphy grunted. 

Clarke paused to stretch out her ankle. At some point in the game she must have twisted it funny. 

“You okay, Princess?” Bellamy had turned to see what was holding her up. 

“My ankle feels weird. I think I twisted it or something.”

His eyebrows knit together in concern. 

“You assholes coming or what?” Octavia called back at them.

“Yeah, be there in a minute, O. You good to walk?”

“I think so,” Clarke said moving forward. She tried to hide a wince but Bellamy knew her too well. He crouched down with his back to her. 

“Hop on, Princess. You aren’t holding any of us back from dessert just because you don’t know how to play football properly.” 

“Well maybe if some people didn’t take the tackle rule so seriously…” 

Bellamy scoffed as Clarke climbed onto his back. He stood, locking his arms under her thighs as she gripped his shoulders and chest. “Oh, please. Don’t even pretend like you weren’t the most bloodthirsty person on that field.” 

“Shut up and take me to my pie.”

“Yes, your royal highness.” 

After everyone piled back into the house, Harper and Clarke went to the kitchen to fetch the pies. 

“You think she is going to announce it now?”

Clarke didn’t have to ask what Harper was referring to. “Yeah, I suppose this has to be it. Everyone is going home after.”

The other woman nodded. “Well, here is to hoping it all goes smoothly,” she said as he handed Clarke a beer. 

“Amen.”

Everyone was already gathered at the table when they left the kitchen with dessert. If Octavia and Lincoln’s apprehensive glances were any indication, Harper and Clarke were right about Octavia’s timing. 

Sure enough, just as everyone was finishing up their second helping of pie, Octavia cleared her throat. “There is something that Lincoln and I would like to share.” 

Clarke’s eyes immediately found Bellamy who sat next to her. He was watching his sister, worry written across his face. She knew this was the moment that he had been dreading; that deep down he had known something would happen today. Clarke slid her hand into his under the table, her throat getting a little thick as he gripped her fingers nervously. 

“You are all some of our closest friends,” Octavia began, ignoring Murphy’s scoff. “So it only seemed right that you be the first to know.” She paused to give Lincoln a warm smiled which he reciprocated. “Lincoln and I are engaged and are moving in together after Christmas.” 

Clarke was shocked. Octavia had said nothing about her engagement to her or Harper. Her surprise quickly vanished, however, as Bellamy’s grip on her hand tightened like a vice. With a deep breath, Clarke prepared herself for the storm that was sure to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope all the fluff made up for the wait! 
> 
> Don't get too comfortable though, the soap opera that is this story will resume soon, and by that I mean drama and angst galore. But, as a little teaser to make up for making y'all wait for so long, next chapter involves something that is totally not an accident the second time around (hint hint). 
> 
> Also Raven will come back in, I promise she has not been forgotten.


	12. Christmas Cookies and Whiskey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SO SO SORRY IT HAS TAKEN ME SO LONG!!!! I had a lot going on the past month, but now I am home from school so y'all get my attention for the next 3 months (no pun intended). I really am sorry, guys, I know how much it sucks and a fic won't update. Hope this chapter makes up for the long wait!

“You’re what?” 

Bellamy’s voice was stony but a fire raged in his words. Octavia visibly clenched her jaw. 

“We are getting married, Bell. Not now,” she looked over at Lincoln, “we talked about it and when I’m done with school and we have a bit more saved up-”

“And you didn’t think about talking to me about this first?”

“No, seeing as I am 21 and-”

“Exactly, O! You are fucking 21! That’s younger than Mom-”

“Don’t bring her into this, Bellamy!” 

Bellamy jerked out of his seat, slamming his fists on the table. Lincoln opened his mouth but Octavia beat him to it. 

“I love you, Bellamy but you need to let me grow up. I’m not a little kid anymore, I can make my own decisions and be independent.”

“Octavia-”

“I’m not her, okay? You have spent my whole life trying to shelter me from everything but I am my own person now!”

Bellamy clenched his jaw and stared fixedly at the wall. Anger radiated off his body. Across the table Harper cleared her throat. “Well, its getting pretty late so-”

“No, you all don’t have to leave just because he is being an ass,” Octavia said without taking her eyes off Bellamy. He brought his furious gaze back to her. 

“Its fine Harper, if you need to leave go ahead. The rest of you too.” His voice almost seemed too calm, Clarke thought. Harper and Sterling practically leapt from the table. Murphy remained in his seat, an amused smirk on his face. 

“I fucking knew you would do this, Bellamy! I wanted to tell you the minute Lincoln asked but I fucking knew you would do this! Why can’t you just be happy for me?”

“You’re too young, Octavia! You have so much left to do before you settle down, so much you could accomplish! It’s too soon!”

“Too soon to leave you, is what you mean.”

“No, too soon to make a decision this big! O, I have sacrificed everything so that you could have the best I could give you. Mom sacrificed so much to make sure you go far in life!”

“No! Mom did not do what she did for me, don’t you dare put that on me, Bell!”

“She did, Octavia! She did it so you could have a better-”

“For God’s sake! Getting married doesn’t mean I’m going to quit my job and school! Just live your own life and get out of mine!”

“My life ended the night you were born, Octavia!” 

The room fell dead silent. Clarke watched Bellamy’s hard, angry eyes widen in shock. Tears spilled down Octavia’s red cheeks and Harper dragged Murphy out of his chair and towards the front door. 

“O… Oh God, O… I didn’t… That’s not what-”

“Fuck you, Bellamy. Come on, Lincoln.” She refused to look at her brother as she slammed into his shoulder in passing. Lincoln’s face with flushed unspoken anger. A moment later the front door slammed leaving Clarke and Bellamy alone in the silent house. Bellamy fell back down to his seat and dropped his head in his hands. 

“Fuck.” 

Clarke swallowed hard, unsure what to do. Her loyalties were torn between the siblings. On one hand she agreed with Bellamy. Octavia was too young to make such a huge life choice, especially after dating Lincoln for less than a year. At the same time, however, she agreed that Octavia was her own person and Bellamy needed to respect that. Instead of addressing the elephant in the room, Clarke began to collect the dirty pie plates. 

A while later, as Clarke stood at the kitchen sink doing dishes, she sensed Bellamy coming up behind her. 

“I can do that, Clarke. You go relax.”

She just shook her head and kept scrubbing at the pan in the sink. 

“Clarke-”

“Grab a towel and start drying these for me.”

With a sigh Bellamy did as she asked. They fell into a silent, easy rhythm; Clarke cleaning dishes and handing them off to Bellamy to dry. 

 

“I didn’t get to be a kid. I became a parent when I was eight years old.” 

His deep voice startled Clarke, causing the fork she was scrubbing to slip back into the sink. Instead of grabbing it again, she rested her hands on the edge of the counter, bracing her weight against the wood and plastic. Clenching her jaw as she stomach tightened, Clarke searched her mind for what she should say. She had never been great at this sort of thing. Bellamy, however, saved her the trouble. He continued talking despite her lack of reply. 

“I was only seven when my mom got pregnant. My dad left when I was two, Mom said he never was the sticking type. The bastard cheated on her, beat her, and eventually left her when he got bored. So it was just me and Mom for a while. She was a great mother in a lot of ways. She loved me, made sure I learned to read and write well, did all she could for me, but there were things about her I’m not proud of. Even then I understood to an extent what she was doing when she left me with the neighbors at night. I was too young to fully get it, but I knew it was something she didn’t like, something she wasn’t proud of, something that made the other parents in my building whisper.

“Then one day she was pregnant and I could tell she was upset but she tried to stay happy for me. It was just the two of us. I had to help her when she couldn’t hold down food, I went with her to the shitty little doctor’s office, I got to pick out O’s name. It was then that we moved to this house. I remember being excited about it all. About having a baby sister and living in a real house instead of a tiny apartment. Years later I figured out that she could only afford this house because Octavia’s dad wanted to keep their little secret a secret.” 

Clarke swallowed hard at the bitterness of his tone but still didn’t turn back towards Bellamy. She had had her suspicions for a while about Aurora Blake, enough hints had been dropped for her to connect the dots, but it was different hearing it from Bellamy. It was different when she could hear the anger, shame, and sadness rolling off his every word. 

“Long story short, it was clear that her dad wasn’t going to be in the picture after getting Mom the house. I still distinctly remember the night she was born. I remember sitting on my mom’s hospital bed down at Sacred Ground looking at that tiny little thing. I remember my mom telling me that she was my sister and therefore my responsibility; that I was going to have to take care of her and make sure nothing bad happened to Octavia. I didn’t mean what I said, Clarke. My life didn’t end when Octavia was born. I love her so much. But in a lot of ways… I just… It wasn’t ever the same…”

The brokenness of his voice, the way it reminded her of that night on the beach, was the breaking point. Finally Clarke turned, striding towards Bellamy, and pulled him into her arms. As he buried his face against her neck she felt the wetness on his cheeks. He clung to her tightly. For a while they stayed like that, embracing in the quiet, dim kitchen. 

“I know it’s hard Bellamy. And I know I have no idea what it was like for you two growing up, but you have to let her be her own person.” 

Bellamy pulled away, brushing his tears away angrily, as if they offended him. “My mom got married to my dad at 22, Clarke. They were too young; they didn’t understand what they were committing to. Then my mom got pregnant and I was born and it was too late to do anything about it. My mom wanted to go back to school, she wanted to get a job and work her way out of the slums. She never got to do that because my pig of a father left her to raise a kid on no money without any family to help. If she hadn’t have settled so early she could have had so much more, Clarke. She wouldn’t have had to sell herself in order to keep her kids fed. I can’t let that happen to O.”

Clarke shook her head. “Bellamy that is not going to happen to her. You and I can both see how happy she is with Lincoln-”

“I’m sure my mom and dad looked the same wa-”

“Octavia deserves a lot more credit than you are giving her, Bellamy. I’m sure you are not the only one who has learned from the mistakes of your parents. Octavia has a good head on her shoulders and I’m sure she will take care of herself; I’m sure Lincoln will treat her well too. Besides, she isn’t alone. She has you, Bellamy. She has all of us so if something ever does happen, which it won’t, there is a support system already in place. She will be okay. This is what she wants, it’s what will make her happy and I know you. I know that what you want more than anything is for that girl to be happy.”

“But-”

“No buts about it. This is what she wants, what she needs to do, so you are going to let her do it. You are going to support her.” Bellamy sighed in defeat and turned away from Clarke, fixing his dark eyes on the pictures of a much younger Octavia on the fridge. “Look, Bellamy, I get it, okay? You aren’t just her brother; in a lot of ways you are her surrogate dad. Its never easy to watch someone that important to you start a new chapter of their life, especially if its one that doesn’t involve you as much. Its scary, but that doesn’t mean its bad. My mom hated it when I left, but I am the happiest I have been in a long time here. Just because it hurts doesn’t mean it’s bad.” 

Bellamy nodded, “Thanks, princess.” Moving towards him, Clarke grabbed his hand and began to drag him into the TV room. “Clarke, we haven’t finished the dishes-”

“We have all night.” 

He let her shove him down onto the couch and even more miraculously didn’t complain when she picked Mamma Mia on Netflix. Despite the peppy movie, Clarke noticed how distracted Bellamy seemed, how he was nervously picking at his nails and staring at the coffee table in thought instead of watching the screen. Wordlessly, she pulled on his shoulder until his head was in her lap and he was stretched out across the couch. She rested one hand on his stomach while the other ran through his tangled, inky curls. 

“I fucked it up with her. What I said… I don’t think I can fix this, Clarke.” 

“It will be okay, talk to her tomorrow. It’s Octavia, she loves you.” 

He sighed with defeat and closed his eyes, running a hand over his face. Clarke could sense his anxiety. She reached over and paused the movie. 

“Tell me about her growing up.”

“What?” He didn’t remove the hand that covered his eyes. 

“You heard me,” Clarke replied, lifting her legs to rest her feet on the coffee table. One dark eye peaked up at her. She just raised her eyebrows in question before rolling her eyes as he sighed yet again. For a three-tour veteran turned cop he was quite the drama queen. After a moment he seemed to settle on a story. 

“I always tried to protect her when we were kids. I wasn’t exactly a great guy freshman year of high school. I got into a lot of shit with Murphy and skipped class and stuff, it wasn’t until halfway through sophomore year that I got serious about trying to make a real future for myself. Anyways, I was 15 and O was 8 and one day she came home from school complaining about some dick in her class that made fun of her hair. She had demanded Mom cut it real short the night before and loved the look, but this jerk in her class had mocked her tirelessly for it. Naturally this pissed me off. I wasn’t gonna beat the kid up or anything, I mean I knew it wasn’t cool to beat up an 8 year old, but I convinced Murphy and some other guys to just shake him up after school. You know, to keep him away from O. Looking back I know it was a real asshole, immature thing to do but I was 15 and so angry at everything and my sister was the only thing that seemed right in my life. 

“So the next day we are waiting a block away from the elementary school for this kid to show up but he never does. After an hour we give up and call it a day. That night at dinner, it was a rare night because my mom happened to be home from her job at the hairdressers early, there was a call. My mom picked up the phone and I remember O’s face went completely white and she just stared at her potatoes. Turns out the kid had made fun of her all day long again. While she was in school she did her best to ignore him and mind her own business. But after school, while we were waiting to rough him up, O had taken it upon herself to punch this guy right in the face on the playground and then just walk away like nothing happened. The principle was calling to tell Mom about it and inform her that O was suspended for two days.

“Mom was torn between being livid and laughing. I was just proud of her. I know it isn’t necessary something to be proud of I guess, I mean she got in a lot of trouble. But she had stood up for herself and didn’t take any shit from people. I realized that I didn’t need to always protect her, this tiny little 8 year old who was obsessed with Polly Pockets and flowers could handle herself.” 

By the end of the story both Clarke and Bellamy were smiling, Clarke’s fingers still tangling in his hair. They went to bed hours later, the dishes still dirty, but both much happier and Clarke will a lot more blackmail on the younger Blake. 

Sure enough, Bellamy and Octavia made up the next day. Despite her vested interest in what was being said, Clarke stayed out of the siblings’ way while they talked in the kitchen. Before long Bellamy had to leave for work and Octavia made her way into Clarke’s room, collapsing on the bed while Clarke watched amusedly from her desk chair. “All better?”

Octavia groaned into the pillow she had chosen to plant her face in before flipping onto her side. “I love him but he can be such an ass sometimes. But yes, we talked and it’s all fine.”

Clarke was tempted to point out that Octavia hadn’t exactly chosen the best way to inform her brother of her impending marriage and move, but held her tongue. With the Blakes you had to pick and chose your battles. Instead she settled on asking Octavia if she knew when she planned to move out. 

“I’m not sure, the only thing that is settled on is after Christmas. I want one more holiday in this house.” The brunette gazed around the room fondly before continuing. “I’m thinking it will probably be in early January or real late in December.”

“And the wedding? Do you know when that’s going to be yet?”

Octavia’s face lit up in a wide smile. “Well in a couple years, probably. Bellamy wants me to finish school and Lincoln is saying the same thing. But once my classes are over, we are thinking a September wedding. I have always loved fall weddings.” The women spent the remaining hours before Clarke’s shift began discussing wedding details and Octavia’s dream dress. 

In mid December Raven stopped by the house to help Clarke and Octavia begin the process of packing up Octavia’s belongings. As they shuffled around Octavia’s room folding up clothes and taking frames off the pale yellow walls Raven brought up a topic Clarke, surprisingly, hadn’t thought much about. 

“So are you moving out or staying now that Octavia is leaving?” Raven asked.

Clarke paused and scrunched her brow together in thought. “You know, I really haven’t thought about that too much. I guess I’ll stay. I mean Bellamy and I get along well enough now, the rent is good and I’m close to work. I don’t really see a reason to leave.” 

With her back turned to the other women, Clarke missed the meaningful glance exchanged between them and the small smiles that played on their lips. 

“Oh, really?” Octavia began in a nonchalant tone. “You don’t think that dates will think its weird you are living with a guy?”

“No, I mean I would just explain the situation. We’re just friends.”

“Who live together,” Raven added. 

“Yeah, but its not a big deal,” Clarke tuned back towards her friends. “What? You think people will think its something else?” 

“Clarke, I’m pretty sure half of our friends already think you two are hooking up.” Octavia and Raven burst with laughter at the shocked expression on Clarke’s face. 

“This isn’t funny! We haven’t done anything, I swear-”

“Clarke, its okay-”

“No, I don’t want people to have the wrong idea!”

“Right and that’s why you two were all over each other on Thanksgiving.”

“They were? Oh man, I wish I had been here,” Raven smirked. Clarke could feel her cheeks burning. She set her jaw and rolled her eyes angrily, pointedly turning back to packing. Did people really think they were hooking up? Yes she liked Bellamy, yes she found him attractive, but she was not involved with him. She had told anyone and everyone she was taking a break from dating. Plus it would be weird to date him; she had to live with him. It would be like sleeping with her landlord. Eventually Raven and Octavia moved onto another topic. 

“So Raven, have you found your plus one for our New Year’s party?” Octavia asked. At once the conversation melted into Raven complaining about a new guy at work who, she claimed, was the bane of her existence and the worst person she had ever met. Even though he was hot, he sucked. Clarke and Octavia just nodded along, biting their tongues to hold in the obvious question of why Raven decided to complain about this man after being asked about her plus one, to keep from invoking the wrath of Raven. 

Back home in DC, Christmas had always been a very formal affair for the Griffins. A man from some agency delivered a huge, pristine tree on December 20th and the housekeeper would decorate it that evening while professionals decorated the house with holly, lights, and other tasteful things. The days leading up to the 24th would be spent at various parties and events. On Christmas Eve, depending on the year, the Griffins would either host or attend a lavish party that always included the Jahas, General Marcus Kane, and various senators, representatives, and social elite. Even Christmas morning was a formal affair with an ostentatious Church service, chef cooked breakfast, professionally wrapped presents, and more parties in the evening. 

Christmas at the Blakes could not have been more different. Octavia, Bellamy, and Clarke all piled into Bellamy’s truck one Saturday they all had off and drove out to a Christmas tree farm. After an hour and a half of the siblings bickering over just which tree was the perfect one, they cut it down and hauled it home. The next night, after Octavia put on the cheesiest Christmas music she could find, the trio decorated the tree with homemade ornaments from the siblings’ youth. 

Octavia seemed to spend all of her free time leading up to Christmas baking and insisted on Clarke’s help, which seemed to amuse Bellamy to no end. After lots of begging and the concession of a full plate of cookies, Octavia managed to convince her brother to finally begin putting lights up outside while Clarke decorated the inside of the house with her. They went downtown to shop and show Clarke the huge tree in Daley Plaza and the Christmas Market. When it snowed, Octavia managed to drag everyone outside to build snowmen. Between the corny movies, sugary cookies, and cheap, plastic reindeer out front it was the cheesiest, tackiest, December Clarke had ever experienced but she loved every second of it. She even loved midnight mass on Christmas Eve at the little catholic church Bellamy and Octavia attended as kids. Octavia complained the whole way there and yawned the whole way back while Bellamy sheepishly explained their Mom had always made them attend and it was their way of making up for not going regularly during the rest of the year. 

Being an only child, Clarke had never been woken up in the early hours of the morning by a younger sibling on Christmas. Her alarm had always gone off at 9am sharp so she could shower and get dressed for the day. Octavia, however, was more than glad to give Clarke a taste of this tradition, which Clarke decidedly did not like nearly as much as the others the Blakes had. As she sat wearily in front of the tree in the living room, still wearing the Rudolph pajamas she bought downtown, Bellamy handed her a cup of coffee and sat next to her, leaning against the sofa. 

“I don’t know how you have gotten up this early for 21 years. I would have murdered her by now.”

Bellamy chuckled. “Just be glad you are getting 21 year old Octavia. 6-year-old Octavia would get me and Mom up at 5:30 in the morning. Its already 7:00 which is late by her standards.”

As if on cue Octavia strode into the living room, already perky and wide awake, with a cookie in her hand. “All right, bitches, you ready for Christmas?”

“Touching,” Clarke muttered, holding onto her coffee mug like a lifeline. She couldn’t help but smile as Bellamy snorted at her comment. The morning went by in a flash as Octavia handed out presents and the trio tore into their gifts for each other. Although there wasn’t a lot under the tree, it was the best Christmas Clarke had had in a while. 

Octavia got her a new set of scrubs with little easels and paintbrushes on them. From Bellamy, Clarke received a book on her favorite Renaissance artists and miniature model of the carousel she loved on the National Mall. In return, she gave both the sibling paintings. Octavia’s was of flowers from the garden and Bellamy’s was a painted version of a picture he took of his favorite overlook on the drive back from DC. When Octavia opened her present from Bellamy, which turned out to be their Mom’s wedding hairpiece made of pearls and tiny, porcelain flowers, the bride to be broke down crying. 

Dinner was another Blake tradition, Chinese take out and a viewing of Christmas Vacation followed by a game of charades. Clarke found herself still smiling as she crawled into bed that night and pulled out her phone to call Wells and her mom.

Four days later Octavia moved out. Between the Blakes, Lincoln, Raven and Clarke, they managed to move all her belongings in a few short hours. After hugging Octavia tightly and wishing her the best of luck, Clarke joined the others by the door to give Octavia and her brother some privacy. 

The siblings clung to each other wordlessly and Clarke couldn’t help but be reminded of the reunion she had witnessed back in May. After the pair exchanged quiet words and another embrace, Bellamy joined the group at the door. He did his best to put on a smile, but Clarke could see how upset he was beneath the surface. 

They got home late after dropping Raven off at her apartment and immediately trudged up the stairs to their respective bedrooms. A thought donned on Clarke as she reached the top step. Turning, she asked Bellamy if he wanted his old room back. “I can take Octavia’s if you want, I don’t mind moving. It’s just across the hall.” 

“Nah, its fine, princess. I’ve gotten use to Mom’s room, plus I want Octavia to feel like she can always come back.” 

Clarke nodded and began to walk towards her room. A strong, warm hand on her wrist stopped her. Bellamy let go of her almost as quickly as he had grabbed her, his hand moving to the back of his head to anxiously scratch at his hair. His eyes darted to the ground and then back up to her. 

“Hey, I just… tonight has been pretty tough and I don’t… I mean I don’t want to make you feel… It’s just…never mind.”

Clarke smiled, nodding her head towards his door. “I don’t mind sleeping with you.” Her face went red as soon as the words were out of her mouth. “I mean, in your bed. Well, sleeping at the same time as you in the same… you get it.” Bellamy tried and failed to hide a smirk. “Oh, fuck you.” His smirk grew. “I mean, damn it just forget it. I need to get ready but I’ll meet you in there.” He just chuckled at her blazing cheeks. 

Minutes later they were in his Mom’s room, both lying on their backs determinedly not touching. They listened to each other’s breaths for a while before Bellamy finally spoke. “That was always the worst part about going overseas. Saying goodbye to O. I never knew if I would see her again. I know I will now, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.”

Clark turned onto her side and watched him carefully. “She isn’t far away, just a ten minute drive. It will get easier as time goes on.” 

With a heavy sigh Bellamy flipped over to face her. He didn’t say anything, but his heavy eyes studied her in the darkness. Clarke felt his warm hand rest on her hip. 

“Thanks, Princess. For everything.” 

Clarke smiled at the man across from her and tried not to feel too disappointed when his hand dropped from her hip and Bellamy turned onto his back again. Minutes later she drifted off to sleep listening to the steady sound of his breathing.

Despite no longer living in the house, Octavia still was of the opinion that it was the ideal location to host parties, which was how Clarke and Bellamy ended up hosting a New Years party which really turned out to be more of a send off party for Octavia. 

The younger Blake seemed to be on a mission to get as many people drunk as possible, refilling any empty glass she saw and dubbing Raven the “shot master” of the night. By the time midnight rolled around, nearly everyone was feeling the effects of her efforts. Harper gathered everyone in the TV room to watch the ball drop. As they crowded around the small TV, everyone began pairing off as the minutes ticked down to 2016. Octavia and Lincoln were nestled on one corner of the couch, Monty and Miller leaned against the wall, Jasper was inching closer to Maya, and Raven was leaning against her coworker Wick, whom she had declared was the “bane of her existence” only a few weeks earlier. 

Clarke was tipsy and starting to seriously regret her whole no-dating-work-on-myself thing, especially when she saw Sterling eying her from across the room. Just as the countdown began, however, she felt someone come to stand beside her. 

“You ready for a new year, princess?” 

She looked up at Bellamy and shrugged. “In a lot of ways yes, but 2015 was a good year for me.” 

“Was it?”

“Yes, it was,” Clarke smiled up at him. Just as it occurred to her that maybe she had been smiling at him for a little too long the room erupted in a mix of cheers and exaggerated kisses indicating the beginning of 2016. As she looked at the festive scene around her, Clarke felt Bellamy’s warm lips on her cheek. 

“Happy New Year, Clarke.” 

She stared up at him in surprise, her mouth slightly open, hand on her blushing cheek where his lips had been a moment before. If Bellamy was at all embarrassed it didn’t show. Before she could formulate a response Octavia dragged him into a hug. Clarke took the opportunity to another of Raven’s shots. 

A few hours, and quite a few drinks, later Clarke found herself in the kitchen trying to reach the extra crackers high up in the cabinets above the counter. A large hand easily reached above her, grabbing the box. She turned to find Bellamy smirking at her.

“You are so short.”

“You are so drunk.”

“You are too, princess.”

Giggling, Clarke grabbed the crackers out of his hand, opened the box, and ate one. Licking the extra crumbs off her lips and fingers, she placed the box next to her on the counter and looked back up at Bellamy. 

He loomed over her, his eyes darker than usual and filled with hunger. Carefully, he placed his hands on the counter on either side of her, trapping her between the cabinets and his solid body. 

“I was jealous.”

Her eyebrows creased in confusion. She watched his eyes settle on her lips as she quietly asked, “W-What?” The breathlessness of her voice surprised her. 

“You asked me months ago why I got so upset that night when you brought Finn over to dinner and he called you princess.”

Clarke swallowed hard as Bellamy moved closer to her. When he spoke again she could feel his warm breath on her face. He smelled like whisky. 

“I was jealous. Jealous that you let him call you that. Jealous of the way you let him kiss you. Jealous of the way you looked at him.”

“Bellamy,” her voice was barely above a whisper. His lustful gaze finally left her lips and met her eyes. Clarke felt warmth spread deep in her belly that wasn’t entirely due to the alcohol in her bloodstream. 

“I didn’t like it, Clarke. It made me sick.” 

Clarke let her hands settle on his hard stomach causing Bellamy to close his eyes and let out a shuddering breath. The way she affected him fascinated her drunken mind. 

“I have wanted you for so long, Clarke.” He finally opened his eyes again, his pupils blown wide with desire. “So, so long.” 

Clarke stared up at him for a long moment. She thought about that night when they had accidently kissed and all the times after that she had wondered what really, truly kissing Bellamy would be like. If Clarke had been a little less inebriated, maybe she would have been able to stop herself. However, the shots that Octavia had insisted on doing prevented her mind from thinking too much about the consequences of giving into temptation. 

Slowly, she brought her hands up to cup his face and leaned forward. She pressed her closed lips lightly against his, chaste and innocent. Bellamy didn’t respond. Pulling away, Clarke tried to read his face. His eyes were dark and indecipherable. For a moment Clarke was worried she had made some horrible mistake. 

This fear was quickly forgotten as Bellamy crushed his lips back against Clarke’s in a rough, demanding kiss. Clarke met his challenge, releasing a breathy moan when his tongue slid against her lower lip. As she opened her mouth allowing Bellamy to deepen the kiss, Clarke tried to wiggle herself onto the countertop so she could gain more leverage. With his mouth never leaving hers, Bellamy slide his hands down to her ass and lifted her effortlessly onto the cool counter. Clarke wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling his firm body closer. 

They parted breathlessly and Bellamy’s mouth immediately went to Clarke’s neck. He sucked and nipped his way down to her collarbone while Clarke scraped her nails against this taut stomach, relishing in the way it made him gasp. When her fingers slipped below the waistband of his jeans, Bellamy rocked against her, letting out a hot, shuddering breath against her neck.

“Clarke-”

She swallowed his words as she kissed him, raking her hands through his curls. He hungrily drank up her kisses and let his hands roam under her shirt. It was Clarke’s turn to gasp when Bellamy’s warm, calloused hands groped at her breasts. 

Bellamy’s mouth moved back to her neck, focusing on her pulse point, and Clarke’s nails dug into his the hard muscles under his shirt. He jerked his hips into her and softly bit her skin. 

Suddenly there was a crash in the living room and numerous shouts of “oh, shit,” and “damn it, Jasper!” Clarke and Bellamy broke apart, both gasping for breath and staring at each other in shock. The spell they were under had broken and Clarke’s alcohol muddled mind went into overdrive trying to grasp what had just happened. 

“Bellamy, come look at what this fucker did!” A voice called from the living room. 

“Shut up, Murphy!” Jasper’s voice sounded panicked. 

“God damn assholes,” Bellamy growled looking at the doorway like he wanted to murder someone. His dark gaze turned back to her, searching her face for a moment, before straightening his shirt. Clarke watched him stalk out of the room, still trying to collect her thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly debated ending it with the kiss on the cheek just to be an asshole but then I was like, no I have already been an asshole by not updating in over a month so y'all got the alcohol fueled make out sesh. I hope you guys like it! I tried to include some Chicago Christmas traditions but basically all the Blake traditions are just my family's traditions so y'all learned a bit about my house at Christmas :) 
> 
> Anyways, once again I am sorry for taking so long, I feel bad about it. I will try very hard to update regularly, probably once a week. 
> 
> As for what is coming up in the story, all I will say is that hooking up is coming up but don't get too excited about it. Hehe so cryptic. 
> 
> Love y'all and once again I'm so sorry!!


	13. Hot Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry

“So get down to it, Clarke. Why did you so vehemently demand my presence?” Raven raised an eyebrow as she sipped at her coffee. Sighing deeply, Clarke tried to work herself up to telling Raven what she needed to. “Come on, spit it out, Griffin.” 

“Fine, just… you have to promise to keep it to yourself, okay? At least until I figure out what to do. There is a reason I didn’t invite Octavia or Harper or Maya.”

Raven narrowed her eyes in suspicion but agreed. “Now tell me what it is, the suspense is killing me. Are you pregnant? Are you moving?” Her eyes widened, “Oh my God, are you dying?”

“No, its nothing… it’s not a big deal, okay? It’s just… private.” Raven looked ready to throttle her if she didn’t explain herself soon. “It’s about Bellamy.”

The woman across from her rolled her eyes and flung herself back against the cheap, wooden chair. “Oh, God, don’t tell me I have to go to another Blake surprise party. Last time I woke up on the bathroom floor with puke-”

“No, its not a party,” Clarke said hastily as an elderly woman the table over eyed her and Raven with disgust. “And could you keep your voice down a little? We are in public.”

“For the love of God, Griffin, if you don’t spill your guts in the next twenty seconds I will-”

“I made out with Bellamy at the New Years party!” 

Raven’s eyes widened as she nearly spit out her coffee. The old lady next to them looked scandalized. Clarke covered her mouth in embarrassment at how loud her declaration had been. 

“What?” Raven nearly shrieked. “Oh my God, fucking finally! Please tell me you hooked up too!” 

At this the old woman very loudly made her departure, her shrewd eyes eating into Clarke and Raven as she made her way to the door. 

“No, we did not hook up,” Clarke hissed, staring at her coffee as if it had horribly insulted her. “Look, we were really drunk and I guess I was feeling kind of lonely and he said some things that just… I don’t know he has really big hands and his freckles looked really good in the light of the kitchen and I just wanted to know what it would be like and it just happened.”

“You just happened to make out with Bellamy. Like I just happened to step in gum this morning. Yeah, right.”

“I’m serious.”

“Clarke, there is clearly more to this.”

“No, there isn’t. We were drunk and we kissed and then Jasper broke the window trying to impress Maya with his pitching skills so Bellamy had to go deal with that. Nothing happened afterwards.”

Raven narrowed her eyes and stared at Clarke for a long moment. Her scrutiny made Clarke uncomfortable, causing her to pick apart the paper napkin by her hand. “Have you talked to him about it at all?”

“No.”

“Clarke! It’s been, like, a week!”

“We both have been really busy with work.”

“You fucking live together, Griffin.” 

“Every time I see him I get so nervous! I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to handle this!”

“Just be honest with him. Look if-” Raven was interrupted by her phone. She glanced down at the screen before shooting Clarke an apologetic look. “I’ll be right back, I got to take this, its work.” 

Clarke nodded and focused on the napkin again, thankful for the momentary break in conversation. She has never been great at dealing with people, since she was a kid Clarke preferred to handle her issues and emotions on her own. This situation with Bellamy, however, was proving too complicated to work out on her own. It was sticky enough, but living with him made things much worse. That was why she had called Raven. It was a last ditch effort to try and figure out what to do. 

But Raven’s solution was honesty and as much as Clarke understood that reasoning, it scared her shitless. Honestly, she was pretty sure she liked Bellamy. A lot. Like, a lot a lot. He was her best friend, but there was also something about him that was different. It was hard to explain, but things just felt easy and safe with him. But it wasn’t that simple because he wasn’t just some guy she met at a bar. No, Bellamy was the older brother of one of her best friends, a central figure in her social group, her roommate, and her landlord. Clarke’s thoughts were interrupted as Raven came back to the table. 

“Sorry about that, Wick is an idiot who can’t seem to cope with working on his own for a few short hours. Now where were we-”

“How is Wick?” Clarke tried to act casual but Raven didn’t fall for her move in the slightest. 

“Don’t try to change the topic, Griffin. Okay, so you and Bellamy made out, you were interrupted, and, despite living in the same God damn house, you haven’t talked about it yet?” 

“Correct. You know, I think I might go get a muffin, do you-”

“So now you need to figure out what to say to him, because you are going to talk to him tonight.”

“But-”

“No buts, Clarke. The longer you put this off the worse it will be. You live with this guy, it isn’t exactly something you can just sweep under the rug.”

“Exactly! That’s what the problem is!”

“Yeah, which is why I’m telling you to just be honest with him and-”

“No, you don’t get it, Raven. The problem is that I live with him. What if we decide to pursue this and then it goes down in flames? Then what? Either I awkwardly live and pay rent to my ex and have an awkward relationship with Octavia and everyone else or I move out and our friends are divided between us.” 

“What makes you so certain it will end badly?”

“Have you met us? We fought over whether or not Scooby Doo like Scooby Snacks because they are Scooby Snacks or if he would react the same way to any other treat.”

“That was months ago, though.”

Clarke sighed, covering her eyes with her hand. “The truth of the matter is that every relationship ends in marriage or a break up. It’s 50/50 and I don’t want to bet my whole life as I know it on those odds.”

“And what, you don’t think it will be awkward anyways?”

“Of course it will be, it already is. But that’s better than having to move out and find new friends.”

Huffing with irritation, Raven looked out the window. “I just don’t get you sometimes, Clarke. You are too rational. It would do you some good to not think everything out. Just go with how you feel. How do you feel about Bellamy?”

“I told you, its-” 

“No, you listed everything that could go wrong. Tell me how you feel about Bellamy.”

Rolling her eyes, Clarke leaned back in her chair. She hated opening up to people like this, it made her feel vulnerable and weak. Clarke didn’t talk about her emotions; she just dealt with them on her own. “Raven, I don’t want-”

“Just answer the question, Griffin.” 

Clarke leaned forward, her jaw set with irritation. “Fine. He is my best friend, okay?”

“And?”

“And he is just really easy to talk to, and he gets me.”

“And?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. Raven repeated the question. 

“And he makes me laugh. He’s really sweet once you get over the whole asshole thing. He has a lot of depth to him that others don’t see at first. He would do anything for the people he cares about and I really admire that. I like his freckles and his hair and his shoulders.”

“And?”

“God, Raven. Enough okay?”

“Clarke, there was obviously a reason why you decided to kiss him.”

“Yes, your shots.” 

“No, all my shots did was make that brain of yours shut up for a couple minutes so your heart could do the talking. Look, its obvious to me that you like him, and its obvious that he likes you too. If you ask me, I say take the gamble and see where this goes. If it goes south, I have a spare bedroom with your name on it.” Clarke didn’t answer. She just stared at the napkin that was now torn into little shreds. “Just be honest with him, Clarke. Tell him everything you told me; your fears if things go wrong but also all the things that could go right.” 

Finally Clarke nodded. “Thanks, Raven.”

“Anytime, Griffin. Now come on, I need to get back to work and make sure Wick doesn’t blow a casket.” 

Clarke waited on the sofa in the living room that night for Bellamy to get back from work. She picked at the cushions and ran over Raven’s words in her head. She needed to let her feelings guide her for once. Like Raven said, she needed to put away her rational side and just do what felt right. With a groan, Clarke dropped her head into her hands. She hated this sort of thing. 

She was broken out of her thoughts by the sound of a key jingling in the door. Quickly, Clarke ran a hand through her hair and straightened her shirt. She stood when Bellamy came in. As soon as she saw him her mouth went dry. He was still in his uniform, his hair messy from the day, dark shadows under his eyes, and five o’clock shadow on his jaw. Without warning, her eyes travelled down to his lips as memories of their soft, demanding kiss rushed through her mind. Biting her lip anxiously, Clarke dragged her eyes back up to his face. He looked surprised to see her waiting for him.

“Hey.” Her voice cracked. God, she thought, she sound like a pubescent boy. 

“Hey.” He scratched the back of his head, a familiar sign of anxiety Clarke recognized from months living with him. 

“Can we talk?” It felt like her insides were boiling, twisting around and rebelling against themselves. Bellamy nodded and suggested they go to the kitchen; he hadn’t had time to have dinner that evening. Clarke followed behind him, letting Raven’s words of advice flow through her. This was Bellamy. He was easy to talk to, to be honest with. She opened up to him more than she opened up to anyone, so why was this so hard? 

“Do you want anything?” Bellamy asked as he shuffled around in the fridge. Clarke declined and leaned back against the counter. In a flash of panic and blurry memories of warm lips and hard muscles, she moved towards the table in the corner of the kitchen instead. Sitting on the tabletop, Clarke watched Bellamy start to make a grilled cheese. Once the bread was in the pan, he turned to her, crossing his arms and leaning back against the counter. They stayed like that for a minute. Just silently taking in one another, both afraid of making the first move. 

“I talked to Raven today.”

He nodded, “That’s nice.”

Clarke hummed in agreement before steeling herself. Now or never. “I hope you don’t mind, but I told her about… well about what happened at the party.” Though he didn’t speak, the flush that spread up Bellamy’s neck was indication enough that he knew exactly what she was talking about. “I mean, obviously we need to talk about it but I’m not good at… at expressing myself and how I feel I guess so I wanted to get her advice… Anyways, she said I should be honest with you.”

Bellamy suddenly became very interested in flipping over the bread in the pan. Clarke could see the muscle in his jaw tick. There was no backing down now. All she had to do was be honest. This was Bellamy; it couldn’t be that hard. 

“And?” 

Clarke had to stop herself from rolling her eyes at the question after her conversation with Raven. Her stomach churned as she watched him peel slices of cheese for his sandwich. 

“Well…” His dark eyes suddenly lifted and met hers. Suddenly her carefully built up confidence evaporated. “I think it was a mistake.” Raven had said to think with her heart not her head, but she was Clarke Griffin. Her head always came before her heart and her head was telling her to not make the gamble. 

“Oh,” Bellamy quickly shifted his gaze back to the pan; Clarke could see his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. 

“It’s just… we were really drunk and I think the alcohol and the emotions of the evening just got the best of us, you know?” He nodded tightly. “I was feeling lonely I suppose and just… I don’t know. But I don’t want things to be awkward or uncomfortable between us; I mean we have to live together but beyond that… you are one of my best friends. I don’t want to lose that because of a stupid, drunken mistake.” Clarke watched Bellamy flex his hand and curl it into a fist. At least she wasn’t the only one who felt uncomfortable. Still, he didn’t talk. “What do you think?” 

Without looking up at her he nodded, clearing his throat before talking. “Yeah, we were drunk. It was stupid.” His voice was thick, his face unreadable. 

They sat in heavy silence for a moment. Clarke felt the sudden urge to scream. “Well, I should probably get to bed, I have an early shift.” Bellamy just nodded. “Hey,” she moved to touch his arm, the action seemed to startle him, causing him to recoil at her touch. “We’re good right? We’re friends?”

Smiling tightly, Bellamy nodded. “Yeah, friends. Night, princess.”

“Good night, Bellamy.” 

It wasn’t until she was finally in her bed that Clarke felt like she could breathe again. 

Her morning passed in a daze. She moved from patient to patient like machine, going through all the motions but not fully there. For some reason Clarke couldn’t shake the sick feeling in her stomach. Something gnawed at her, and yet she couldn’t place which emotion it was. Guilt? Regret? Embarrassment? Around 11 Clarke found herself in the cafeteria absentmindedly eating a yogurt when someone settled in the seat across from her. 

“You okay, Clarke?”

She looked up with a start and found Lexa watching her, face full of concern. “Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” 

The other woman didn’t look convinced as she sipped on her coffee and watched Clarke carefully. “Really? Because you have been totally out of it all day. What’s going on?”

Clarke shook her head. “Nothing, its stupid really.”

“Yeah, being totally out of it while working the ER is pretty stupid. Now spill.” 

Clarke examined the woman across from her. She knew Lexa well enough, they had worked together for months now and occasionally went to a bar with their coworkers after work, but Lexa wasn’t the type of person who often urged others to expose their problems to. She was a bit standoffish, but for some reason had taken to Clarke pretty early on. Despite her faults, Clarke did like the other doctor as well. There was a strength to her that Clarke admired, not to mention she was soft on the eyes. With a sigh Clarke gazed out across the cafeteria where family members, patients, and medical staff were mingling. 

“Like I said, its stupid. Long story short, I got drunk and kissed this guy who is a pretty big part of my life. It was a mistake but now everything is just…”

“Awkward?”

“Confusing. I don’t know… Like I said, it’s dumb. I feel like I’m back in fucking high school,” Clarke let out a bitter laugh. “I did the right thing by not pursuing it, I know that. I’m not good at relationships and I don’t want to fuck up this friendship, but at the same time I can’t shake this feeling in the pit of my stomach.” Though she was staring fixedly at her cuticles, Clarke could feel Lexa’s gaze on her. 

Finally the other woman spoke. “Love is stupid. It’s weakness.”

Clarke’s head jerked up, brows drawn in confusion. “What?” 

Leaning forward, Lexa swished the contents of her Styrofoam cup around, watching the dark liquid swirl. “I had this girlfriend ages ago, I loved her more than I thought I could, but it ended badly. Really badly. I felt like shit for a while but then I figured out the secret to life. You may not love this guy, I mean you said it was a mistake, but the advice still stands if you want it.” Clarke nodded, urging Lexa to continue. She had always valued the other doctor’s medical advice; surely her life advice would be equally praise worthy. “Love is weakness. It only leads to unhappiness. I know that goes against everything that everyone says, but its true. Once I let go and just started living without emotional strings attached to everything, I had way more fun. You feel like shit right now because you let yourself get too attached to something. You have to just live life instead.”

Clarke stared at her yogurt, lost in thought. 

“Forget about him, Clarke. About whatever it is you have with him. If you want to feel better, do new things. Meet new people. Fuck somebody. Just don’t get hung up on one person because love always leaves you feeling like this.” Lexa glanced at her watch. “Look, my break is over, but think about what I said, okay? You are strong, Clarke. You’re better than this. Stop being weak and start living life how you want to, fuck everyone else. Both literally and figuratively.” She winked at Clarke before striding out of the cafeteria with her typical gusto. 

Lexa’s advice stayed with Clarke throughout the week. She couldn’t decide if she agreed with the philosophy or not. Clarke was by no means a particularly sentimental person, but a life lacking any emotional attachment seemed rather sad and lonely. Besides, she wasn’t sure if it applied to her situation. After all, she wasn’t in love with Bellamy, right? They had kissed drunkenly. There was a big difference. 

Eventually, the awkwardness that persisted in all of Bellamy and Clarke’s interactions faded away as the weeks passed. By late January things were more or less normal in the house, though quieter without Octavia around (although she did visit often). Even so, things didn’t seem the same to Clarke. She and Bellamy still argued and joked and hung out, but there was a distance between them that hadn’t been the before. For a while she couldn’t place exactly what it was, until one Thursday night. They were sitting on the couch watching Jeopardy reruns, a frequent past time of theirs that had led to Octavia fondly calling them “old farts” on multiple occasions. Typically, they sat close together, close enough for Clarke to elbow Bellamy if he got a little too cocky after getting a question right and close enough for him to push her back in revenge. This particular Thursday, however, Bellamy opted for the armchair instead of the sofa and everything suddenly clicked into place for Clarke. The distance between them was a physical thing; Bellamy was intentionally not as close to her as he had been before new years. Thinking back on their interactions, this was even more clear. He use to touch her casually all the time, on the shoulder as he passed by, on the back as he moved around her in the kitchen or opened the front door, poking her on the forehead if she was being particularly brainy. But over the past few weeks that had all ended. Was he worried Clarke read too much into their closeness? Did he not want to offend her? Perhaps most intriguing, was he trying to distance himself from her because he felt more about their drunken kiss than she did? The thought puzzled Clarke and she spent the rest of the night sneaking glances at him out of the corner of her eye. 

When she enlightened Raven about this theory, her friend simply cackled and shook her head. “You know, Clarke, for all your brains you really can be pretty dumb.”

Clarke felt herself blush, “Shut up, it was just a theory okay so-” 

“No, you don’t get what I’m trying to say. Of course he feels more about it. Have you met the man? He is nothing but emotions no matter how hard he tries to act like he doesn’t give a shit about anything. Look, he kissed you back and apparently said some ‘stuff’ that you refuse to elaborate on. Plus I have seen the way he gives you those puppy dog eyes. He is totally in love with you.”

“No he isn’t-”

“Please, Clarke. Save it. I can’t handle this today. Literally everyone I know agrees that it’s just a matter of time with you two. You deciding to totally ignore my advice when you talked to him about the kiss, which was also pretty damn stupid, is just a set back.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to make things more awkward, or he doesn’t know if it would make me uncomfortable.”

“Or he is totally heartbroken because you rejected him and is trying to distance himself to avoid more pain.” Clarke rolled her eyes. “Look, you are the one who brought it up. He is into you, like really, really into you. Octavia agrees and she would know better than anyone.”

“You talked to her about this?”

“She’s not dumb! She could tell something was going on with you two and asked me… well got me drunk and then asked me. Look, you know I can’t keep a secret, you knew that when you told me.” 

Clarke sighed. “Whatever, forget I mentioned it. Jasper said you are thinking of getting a dog, what type?” Raven looked like she wanted to continue the conversation, and shook her head at the obvious change of topic, but humored Clarke and told her about her plans. 

A week later Clarke watched Raven and Octavia’s theory regarding Bellamy’s supposed love for her evaporate. He hadn’t brought a girl home in months, since the summer at least, but that night he came stumbling in with a pretty, slim brunette giggling by his side. Surprised by the commotion, Clarke had crossed from the TV room into the living room where Bellamy made brief eye contact with her before leading his guest up the stairs and to his bedroom. 

Clarke spent the next few hours fuming in front of the TV watching Dance Moms and eating straight out of the tub of ice cream. She told herself the anger in the pit of her stomach was because of PMS, definitely not jealousy. Who cared what Bellamy did? If he wanted to bring some harlot back then he could. She would be gone in the morning anyways, just like all the others. 

The problem was, Echo wasn’t gone in the morning. In fact, she stuck around a lot longer than Clarke had expected. Three weeks later she was becoming a common fixture at the house. She and Bellamy would be sitting and watching TV when Clarke came home, the brunette taking up the spot Clarke usually occupied on the couch. Bellamy made Echo his blueberry pancakes, invited her to Octavia’s parties, and went out with her on his free nights instead of staying in with Clarke like he use to. 

Clarke told herself she didn’t care and ignored the sympathetic looks from Octavia and Raven. Bellamy was her roommate, not anything else. Why should she care if Echo left her things all over the house and had an annoying laugh and was way too pretty and since when did Bellamy do relationships? Not that it mattered. 

One night, a few weeks after Bellamy and Echo had started dating, Clarke reached her boiling point. She was trying to read a patient’s file at the dining room table, the particular patient had a mysterious affliction that none of the doctors had been able to figure out, but was finding it hard to concentrate due to the bursts of laughter coming from the kitchen. Echo has insisted on cooking Bellamy dinner and apparently wasn’t capable of doing so in her own apartment. After one particularly loud bought of giggles, Clarke slammed the file shut, grabbed her phone, and texted Lexa to see if she wanted to go out to a bar. Her coworker was more than eager to meet her. 

As it turned out, Lexa was a lot more fun away from the hospital and with a few drinks in her and maybe it was the alcohol or the anger in her, but Clarke decided that she liked Lexa. She promptly told the other woman this and was rewarded with a wide, bright smile. 

“Fucking finally, Griffin, I have been hitting on you for months.”

Clarke drew her brows in confusion, “I thought you didn’t do relationships, love is weakness and all that.” 

“I’m not saying I’m looking for a relationship, relationship, but you and I could certainly have some fun,” she winked and pulled Clarke onto the dance floor, causing Clarke to erupt in uncharacteristic giggles. 

It became a pattern after that, every time Echo appeared Clarke would text Lexa and get out of the house. She and Bellamy saw less and less of each other, often only really hanging out at mutual friends’ parties despite the fact that they lived together. Raven and Octavia’s only comment on the situation was that they were “fucking idiots who seem to relish in causing yourselves pain.” 

But it was easier, in Clarke’s opinion, to go hang out with Lexa instead of dealing with Bellamy. It wasn’t like they never hung out or talked; they just weren’t as close as they were before. But there was nothing wrong with that; people grow apart after all. She decidedly ignored the tightening in her stomach whenever she saw Bellamy with Echo, and told herself that when she kissed Lexa a little too voraciously at parties it was because she liked her and she felt like it, not because Bellamy was in the same room. 

He was just Bellamy and she was just Clarke. They were roommates and friends and Octavia and Raven could go fuck themselves because she was perfectly happy and definitely, absolutely, without doubt, not pining from him. Nope, Clarke Griffin was perfectly happy with her life, thank you very much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope y'all like it (well as much as you can, given the content). It was less dialogue than I usually do, I hope that didn't come off as laziness or anything on my part. I just wanted to focus a lot on what is going on in Clarke's head here. I think Bellamy is a lot more transparent with his emotions in general but Clarke is someone who bottles it up a lot and tries to ignore the things she feels. I wanted to really focus on that this chapter. 
> 
> Only three chapters left! How will it end?? Oh no! 
> 
> Hehe, y'all will like next chapter more I promise. It will be very angsty and sad but more satisfying I think. 
> 
> Love y'all and look forward to your comments :)


	14. Salt and Boardwalks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I decided that there will be another chapter to this story, so y'all can look forward to three more instead of two more. Yay! 
> 
> This chapter is sad, but I enjoyed writing it. For some reason I really enjoy writing sad, emotional things because apparently I hate everything. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

On February 15th, just as she was about to fall into bed after a long shift at the hospital, Clarke received a text from Octavia. 

‘Don’t kno if Bell has told you (probably not bc you 2 are idiots) but tomorrow is a tough day for us. My mom died on the 16th ten years ago. Ill be by in the morning we always go to the cemetery and then the lake. Just so you kno.’ 

After replying with a short, ‘Ok, I’m really sorry. I’m here if you need me,’ Clarke lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. She wanted to go talk to Bellamy, go do something to distract him from his thoughts or just be there fore him, but she wasn’t sure if they were close enough to still do that sort of thing. With a heavy sigh, she flung her hand over her eyes as her thoughts drifted to her father. Bellamy had been there for her on November 12 when she marked the anniversary of losing a parent, it didn’t seem right for her to be absent when he went through the same grief. Yanking the blanket up over herself, Clarke resolved to be there for Bellamy tomorrow. No matter how distant they had gotten over the past month, it wasn’t right to leave him high and dry on a day like that. 

When she got up the next morning Bellamy was already gone. Clarke sat at the kitchen table eating her cheerios and wondering if Aurora Blake had sat at the same table once. She didn’t know a lot about the woman that raised Bellamy and Octavia, only the bits and pieces Bellamy and Octavia had shared and her own inferences from things around the house. 

She did know what Aurora had done in order to feed her two kids, but also that she managed to work herself out of it by working as a seamstress at a local dry cleaners a few years after Octavia was born. She knew Aurora loved flowers, liked cheap, touristy paintings of beaches (they were all over the house), floral patterns, and Jane Austen novels. Most of all, Clarke knew that her children adored her and that she must have been a wonderful mother, despite the circumstances she had found herself in. 

Her phone buzzed on the table, waking Clarke out of her thoughts. It was Lexa. 

‘Hey babe, since you have the day off want to go into the city? Belated Valentine’s lunch on me.’ 

Clarke stared at the phone for a while and pushed the last few bits of cereal around in her bowl. Slumping back in her chair, she sighed. She didn’t feel like doing anything today. Aurora may not have been her mother, she may not have even known her, but some how the woman seemed to be part of Clarke’s life. More importantly, Clarke wanted to be there when Bellamy and Octavia got back, just in case they needed someone to talk to. 

‘No, busy today.’

Clarke frowned at what she had written, her finger hovering over the send button. It seemed harsh and cold in comparison to what Lexa had written, but then again Clarke wasn’t sure how she felt about Lexa lately. Yes, she was fun to hang out with and yes the sex was great, but something just didn’t feel right. There was a disconnect that Clarke didn’t know how to bridge. Not to mention how Lexa seemed way more into Clarke than she was into Lexa. Despite all her lecturing about love being weakness and life being more fun without emotional attachment, Lexa was clearly very attached. With another great sigh Clarke hit send and pushed her chair back, taking her bowl over to the sink. 

Walking into the living room, Clarke threw herself onto a couch and stared up at the ceiling. It was just one of those days where everything felt cloudy and tired. She didn’t feel like doing anything, not even moving. Her phone buzzed again from where it had fallen on the floor causing Clarke to throw an arm over her eyes. She just didn’t want to deal with Lexa. To her annoyance, however, the phone continued to buzz indicating a call rather than a text. Expecting it to be Lexa, Clarke groaned and hit answer without looking at who it was. 

“What?”

There was a pause on the other line. “Clarke?” With a start she realized it was Wells. 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Wells. I thought it was someone else.”

“I’m sure, because there are so many people in your life named Wells,” he replied, laughter in his voice. 

“I’m just having a shitty day okay, I’m sorry.” She knew he was joking, but Clarke was irrationally irritated.

“Okay, point taken,” Wells said, more serious. “What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing,” Clarke replied. She didn’t feel like going into the details of Bellamy and Octavia’s mourning or her frustration with Lexa or how much she hated how distant she and Bellamy had become. She still hadn’t told Wells about the kiss and that was the last thing she felt like discussing now. “Its just one of those days, you know? What about you? Why did you call?”

“Well, I called to give you some warning.”

“What?”

“I had dinner at my dad’s last night. Your mom and Kane were there. Apparently your mom is planning on coming to visit you towards the end of the month. She is going to call you sometime soon to let you know.”

“What do you mean ‘to let me know? Has it already been completely decided without my say?’”

“Uh… yeah. That’s why I wanted to let you know before, so you have some time to figure stuff out. She said last night that she wasn’t sure if you would want her there-”

“Damn right.”

“-so she just went ahead and bought a plane ticket and booked a hotel in the city and is coming one way or another. She is seeing a therapist now, some lady named Indra, who told her to be direct with you about what she wants and what she wants is to see you.” 

Clarke groaned. “Does she not realize how crazy my work schedule is? Plus the last thing I need right now is to fight with her. She isn’t going to like where I live or who I live with or who my friends are or where I work.” 

“Hey, now. She likes Bellamy and I’m sure she will like Octavia too.”

“She appreciates what Bellamy did for me, driving me up to DC and all, but I’m not sure she likes him. And about that… I kind of haven’t mentioned it to you but Octavia moved out, like a month ago.”

“What?”

“She got engaged and wanted to move in with Lincoln.”

“So its just you and Bellamy?”

“Yep.” 

Wells was silent for a moment. “Your mom is not going to like that.”

“I know. I can hear her now. ‘But what will the neighbors think, Clarke! You must be having tons of sex with that boy who isn’t related to a politician or billionaire and therefore not worthy!’” 

Wells chuckled on the other line. “You nailed it. Are you?”

“Am I what?” Clarke asked, readjusting herself on the couch so she was sitting up. 

“Are you and Bellamy, you know…”

“Wells you are 26, I think you can say sex.” 

“Don’t avoid the question, Griffin. What I told you in DC still stands. He likes you as more than a friend or a roommate. I imagine even more now that you have lived together longer and are now living alone together.” Clarke was silent for a moment; she bit her lip while debating how to answer. “Clarke?”

“Yeah I’m here.”

“Well?”

“This is gross, you are like my brother I don’t want to talk about this with you.”

“Seriously Clarke? You are 26 and you can’t talk about sex?” 

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Shut up. No we are not hooking up. In fact, we are both seeing different people.”

“Oh.” Wells was quiet for a moment. “Well, there you go.”

“What?”

“Your mom wont be convinced you are sleeping together if you both are seeing other people.”

“Yes but the problem is the person I am seeing is a woman and my mom is still in that ‘oh Clarke its just a phase’ thing as far as I know.”

Wells sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you, Griffin. Hopefully it will go better than you expect.”

“Maybe. Hey maybe pigs will learn how to fly soon.”

“Ha ha, very funny Clarke.” She heard muffled voices on Well’s line. “Hey, I have to go, some work emergency.”

“Alright, go practice law, leave me to wallow in my misery.”

“Its not that bad. She is your mom, Clarke.”

“Yeah, okay. Talk to you later.”

“Bye.” 

Clarke dropped the phone back to the floor after hanging up and stared back up at the ceiling again. The last thing she wanted was for her mom to come to Chicago. She had known, when agreeing to rent a room from Octavia, that the neighborhood would have her mother seeing red. Clarke really didn’t want to have to deal with all the nit picky comments. With a mournful sigh Clarke heaved herself off the couch and forced herself to go for a run to clear her mind and hopefully improve her mood. 

An hour later, as she was getting dressed after her shower, her phone rang again. This time it was her mom. Clarke had thought about the impending visit more during her run and maybe it was the endorphins or the anniversary of Bellamy and Octavia’s mother’s death, but she had decided to be more optimistic about the visit. She had already lost one parent; it was stupid to act like she didn’t have another. 

“Hey Mom.” 

“Clarke, I’m glad I caught you. I thought you might be at work.”

“No,” she replied while sifting through her drawers. “I have the day off.” 

“Oh, good. Listen, honey, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Alright.”

“I’m going to come up there at the end of the month. From the 28th to the 7th. I already got the plane ticket and hotel.”

“Mom… that’s great, but I am going to have work and-”

“I know, I know, but there is plenty to do in Chicago when you are busy. I just missed you, honey, and wanted to visit. It was odd to not have you here at Christmas. It didn’t feel right and I’m tired of… of how things are with us.”

“Okay well…” There was an awkward silence as Clarke tried to think of something to say. “Well, I will try to get some days off then.”

“That would be great. I’ll email you with my flight information. I think I will rent a car, just to make it easier on you.”

“Alright, sounds good.” 

“See you soon. My break is almost over. I love you.”

“Yeah,” Clarke said. Sitting on her bed. “Love you too, Mom.” 

After hanging up Clarke sat on her bed for a while. Her eyes drifted over to the windowsill where a much younger Bellamy had carved his name into the wood. Suddenly tears began to prick at her eyes. He would never have the chance to hear his mother say that she loved him again. Neither would Octavia. She had been really stupid, she realized, to block her mom out so much over the past years. Yes, her feelings of anger and betrayal had been valid, but this was her mother. Abby Griffin wasn’t perfect, but she was all Clarke had left of blood relatives. She was the woman who had given Clarke her first paint set, who had watched crappy movies with her at midnight after her first boyfriend broke up with her, who had taken her prom dress shopping and who sang her to sleep when she was little. Maybe it was good she was coming up after all. It wouldn’t be perfect, nothing between them was, but it was a step in the right direction. 

By 6:00 Bellamy and Octavia still hadn’t returned and Clarke conceded that they probably would be back late. She didn’t regret spending the day at home, however. It had been nice, in its own way. A break from everything. She ordered a pizza and planted herself in front of the TV just as a Real Housewives marathon began. 

Five hours later she was dozing off aas the women on screen fought over some petty issue. Half a cold pizza was still in the box and ice cream was melting in the bowl resting on her stomach. Suddenly Clarke’s phone vibrated on the table jolting her awake. She shot up with a start causing the melted desert to spill all over her top. 

“Shit,” she cursed, reaching around the pizza box for her phone. The name on the screen made her freeze. Bellamy Blake. She muted the TV while pressing answer. 

“Bellamy?” 

“No, its Nathan.”

“Oh, hey. Why are you calling on Bellamy’s phone?” Clarke grabbed the bowl and moved into the kitchen. Balancing the phone on her shoulder she grabbed some paper towels and began to wipe off her shirt. 

“Well, I didn’t have your number and I didn’t want to bother Octavia tonight. Monty is at work, Murphy seemed like a shit option, and Raven-”

“What is it, Miller?”

“After he dropped Octavia off at Lincoln’s Bellamy picked me up to go get drinks. I assume you know what today is?”

“Yeah, Octavia told me.”

“Alright, well he is taking it especially hard this year. I think its because its been ten years now.”

Clarke bit her lip in concern. “So what does this have to do with me?” She winced. “I mean, I didn’t mean it like-”

“No, I know I’m beating around the bush. He picked me up so I didn’t drive here. He shouldn’t drive but I also think that he needs to go home.”

“He’s that drunk?”

“No, well I mean he is drunk but not like… I just think he needs to be home not in a bar right now. He… don’t take this the wrong way but he needs you. He won’t say it himself, but he told me about the Fourth of July and it really helped him, Clarke. I know things are awkward between you guys now for some reason, but you are good for him when he is like this and-”

“I get it.”

“Great, can you pick him up?”

“I don’t have a car.”

“Right, yeah I know, but Monty said Jasper would be cool with you borrowing his since he only lives a few doors down.” 

“Monty says that or Jasper says that?”

“Monty but you know how they are. I’m sure its cool. Jasper is chill. Besides, I’m a cop and I say its okay.” 

“What about getting the key?”

“Oh, shit right. Um, I don’t know see if he is home? I tried texting him earlier to ask about the car but he hasn’t answered.”

“Alright I’ll be there soon, text me the address.”

“Okay, thanks, Clarke.” 

“No problem.” 

After hanging up Clarke ran upstairs to put a clean shirt on. As soon as she looked presentable, she grabbed her purse and left for Jasper’s house. It looked almost exactly the same as the Blake’s, but was painted blue and had the touch of an older couple to it. After all, Jasper still lived with his parents. Jogging up the stairs, Clarke knocked on the door, wincing at the late hour. After a long moment the door opened to reveal a small, middle aged woman in a nightgown. 

“Can I help you?” Fortunately she didn’t seem angry, just confused. 

“Hello, Mrs. Jordan. I’m really sorry it’s so late, but is Jasper here?”

“Well, yes I believe so. One second, dear.” Jasper’s mother closed the door momentarily but Clarke could hear her calling her son’s name through the stained glass window in the wood. A minute later the door opened again, this time to reveal a very confused looking Jasper.

“Hey Clarke, what’s up?”

“I need to borrow your car.”

“What?”

“Have you not gotten Miller’s text?”

“What? No, I’ve been in the basement playing World of Warcraft with-”

“I need to borrow the car to pick him and Bellamy up at the bar.”

“Why do- Oh right because today is-”

“Yeah.” 

Jasper disappeared for a moment before coming back to the door and handing her his keys. “Be careful with her, she is my pride and joy.”

Clarke rolled her eyes but smiled. “Will do, thanks Jasper.”

“No problem, good luck.” 

Minutes later Clarke was pulling into the parking lot of the local bar. She could see Bellamy and Miller arguing out front. Pulling the keys out of the ignition she opened her door and made her way over to them. 

“-not even that drunk. And I don’t see why someone else can’t come get us, I told you not to call-”

Bellamy stopped talking as soon as he saw her, his eyes going wide. Clarke tried to push the hurt down and focus on getting the men home. 

“Hey, ready to go?”

“Yeah, Clarke. Thanks for coming,” Miller said, throwing Bellamy a look. They followed her back to the car, Bellamy stumbling a bit and leaning on Miller for support. “Do you mind dropping me off too, Clarke? Monty is stuck at work.”

“No, not at all,” she replied as she slid into the driver’s seat. Miller opened the passenger’s side for Bellamy before sitting in the backseat. 

The drive home was painfully silent. Bellamy leaned his head against the window, staring out into the night. Miller tried to make conversation, asking Clarke about her day, but they quickly ran out of topics. Once they finally reached Miller’s apartment building, Clarke couldn’t decide if she was relieved or disappointed. On one hand it made things a little less awkward, on the other it left her alone with Bellamy. 

“Night, Clarke. See you, Bellamy.”

A few minutes later they pulled up at Jasper’s house. Clarke turned the car off and leaned back in her seat. Bellamy hadn’t made any sort of move to leave the car. They sat in silence for a minute before Clarke turned to him. 

“I need to return his keys,” she said as she pulled out her phone to let Jasper know she was there. “I’ll be right back.” Bellamy’s only response was a shallow nod as Clarke left the car. When she came back from giving the keys to Jasper, Bellamy was leaning against the car facing the street. She put a hand on his shoulder and nodded towards their house. “You ready?” He nodded. 

As soon as they got home, Bellamy went upstairs to his room leaving Clarke in the living room unsure of what to do. Part of her wanted to give him his space. His body language and actions had clearly indicated he wanted to be alone. But at the same time, Clarke knew Bellamy. She knew how he had faked the smile he gave Octavia on the beach back in July, she knew how he tried to look strong despite how he was feeling. Most of all, she knew that Bellamy handled his feelings best by talking to people about them. Unlike her, he didn’t do well with isolation. Finally, she made her mind up to go talk to him. After all, she had promised herself the night before to make an effort to be there for him. Even so, she went to the kitchen first to grab the bottle of scotch she knew Bellamy had above the fridge. 

There had been a time when talking to Bellamy seemed like the easiest thing in the world. Now the very thought of it had Clarke’s insides twisting in knots. As she ascended the stairs she tried to formulate a plan but her mind kept coming up blank. Stopping in front of Bellamy’s door, Clarke took a deep breath and knocked. There was no answer. For a moment, Clarke debated between knocking again, calling out to him, or just giving up. In the end, she settled on opening the door and walking in. 

Bellamy was slumped against the far wall, his head resting on his arms that were crossed on his raised knees. He didn’t look up when she came in or make any sort of protest, so Clarke walked over and sat next to him putting the bottle of scotch in her lap. She didn’t say anything; there wasn’t really anything one could say given the situation. Instead she rested her head on his shoulder in an attempt to give him some human contact, something she had always found comforting while grieving. It was grounding to feel another person’s heat. It reminded you that the world still exists even if it feels like it’s falling apart. They stayed like that for a long while as the dark room echoed with the sound of cars passing outside. Clarke watched the sporadic flashing pattern of headlights through the blinds trying to formulate something to say, something to ease the pain. Finally it came to her. 

“Tell me about her.”

It had helped him to talk about Octavia months ago when the siblings were fighting over Octavia’s engagement. Fond memories, though tinged with sorrow, could be comforting. Bellamy raised his head only to drop is against the wall behind him. Looking up at him, Clarke saw he was staring at a small painting of the beach on the wall by his bed. 

“She loved the beach. She only went once, when she was a kid. Her mom’s boyfriend had a beach house in Delaware. They only stayed for a week, but she fell in love with the beach. She would always buy paintings and pictures of the seaside to hang up around the house. It was her dream to move there one day. That’s why she took us to the lake all the time, it was the closest thing she had.”

Clarke rested her head against his shoulder. “What did she like about it?”

“Everything. The smell, the sound of the waves, the kitschy boardwalks, the endlessness of the ocean. I remember when Octavia was little my mom would always tell her about the beach when she went to bed. O didn’t like the mythology and history my mom read me when I was a kid. She always had trouble falling asleep though, so one night my mom told her to close her eyes and began describing the beach. She did it every night until Octavia turned ten and claimed she was too old for it.” Bellamy’s voice was quiet, marred by pain but still full of fondness. It brought tears to Clarke’s eyes. “She was a great fucking mother. She had her faults, I won’t deny that, but she gave everything for us. She was just…” He sighed, shaking his head. “I miss her so much. Even now, I’ll see something that reminds me of her and I think to myself ‘I need to go tell Mom about this’ but then… then I remember.” 

He straightened his legs out so they lay parallel to Clarke’s and dropped his hands to his lap. “I can’t believe it has already been ten years. Ten years since I last heard her speak, since I last hugged her. It just doesn’t seem right.” Clarke reached over and grabbed his hand, squeezing it briefly. He dropped his head and rested his cheek against her hair. 

“I was a shit those last few years. I’ve told you how I started hanging out with Murphy and some other dicks in high school. I was really stupid; I didn’t give a shit about school and was just a real jackass. In the middle of sophomore year my mom sat me down one night, I had nearly gotten arrested and she was pissed. She told me I was throwing my life away and that she wanted something better for me. She said she didn’t raise me to be like that. I was just a really angry teenager. It was the summer before freshman year that I realized how poor we were compared to other people and how fucked up our situation was. What my mom had done for a living, the fact that my dad wasn’t in the picture and Octavia’s had basically paid my mom off to be quiet about it. I was just angry at everything, but that night she knocked some sense into me. She told me that if I wanted to change the ways things were I had to work for it. I had to go to college, get a job, make a difference. So I started to actually work hard in school, I didn’t dick around with Murphy, I stopped paying so much attention to girls and parties. I got a couple jobs to make things easier for my mom and to help pay for college, hoping that I would get in somewhere. She was so happy when I got my acceptance letter. She cried.” Bellamy sniffed and wiped at his eyes.

“I left for school and apparently that spring she got the diagnosis. She had breast cancer, but she didn’t tell O or me. She didn’t want me to know because she was afraid I would drop out to give her the tuition money and to work, which I would have. I would have done it in a heartbeat. She couldn’t afford the treatments she needed and everything just spiraled down. She finally told me over Christmas break my sophomore year because she had been given two months.” His voice broke. “It was all my fault, Clarke. She wanted to save the money so I could go to school. She didn’t tell me because she wanted me to have more opportunities than she had. And I dropped out anyways because she died and suddenly I was O’s guardian.” 

Silent tears were now flowing freely down his face. Clarke pulled his head into the crook of her shoulder and held him tightly. 

“It wasn’t your fault, Bellamy. It was her choice. She loved you; she wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. You have done so well, she would be so proud. So what if you didn’t finish school, you served three tours, are now Chicago police officer, and raised Octavia to be an incredible woman. You have a good life; you are able to afford this house on your own and are so important to so many people. She would be so proud.” 

Bellamy’s grip on her waist tightened. Clarke responded by running her fingers through his hair and whispering small words of comfort in his ear. After several minutes he pulled away, rubbing his face. “I’m sorry for dumping this all on you, Princess.”

“Don’t apologize. Its just what friends do.” 

He looked at her carefully, his eyes unreadable in the dark, before turning his gaze down to his hands in his lap. “I’ve missed you.” The words were so quiet that Clarke almost didn’t hear them. 

“I’ve missed you too.” She grabbed his hand again. His warm breath tickled her ear as he sighed sadly. 

“Come on,” he said, standing suddenly and pulling Clarke up by their still connected hands. Clarke let the bottle of scotch fall to the floor and followed him over to the bed, allowing herself to be dragged under the covers and onto his chest. "She would have liked you," Bellamy whispered, stroking Clarke's hair.

"I would have liked her," Clarke replied, suddenly overwhelmed with regret that she would never meet his mother. 

He was still wearing jeans and she was still wearing a bra, but neither cared. They fell asleep holding each other and everything else seemed unimportant. 

The next morning Clarke woke to an empty bed and the smell of pancakes being made below in the kitchen. She grew hopeful that maybe, just maybe, they could return to where they were before New Years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! Bet y'all will be a little happier with this chapter than the last because snuggles. 
> 
> To be honest I teared up a little writing this towards the end. Losing a parent is one of my worst fears, and unfortunately it is inevitable. Shit got a little too real for me. 
> 
> Anyways, hope y'all liked it. Like I said, three more chapters left. Plenty of drama and angst and fluff and kisses are left :)
> 
> (Also I just want to say that I hate the title of this fic because it was totally a working title but I'm afraid unsubscribed people won't recognize it with a different title so this is my formal apology for the awfulness of it)
> 
> Edit: Follow me on tumblr! http://clipmywingsandwalkmymiles.tumblr.com/ Give me prompts! Talk to me! Let's be friends!


	15. Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mama Griffin comes to town! 
> 
> I hope y'all like it :)

“So when does your mom get in again?” Octavia asked despite her mouth being full of fruit loops. Lincoln was out of town visiting his sister leaving a very bored Octavia, who couldn’t get time off work, behind. As a result, the younger Blake had spent nearly all of the past three days back at her childhood home. 

“At three in the afternoon,” Clarke replied while pouring an indecent amount of sugar into her coffee. “Lexa is taking me to pick her up.”

“So that’s still happening, huh?” Octavia said a little too casually as she pushed her cereal around. Clarke had to restrain herself from rolling her eyes. Raven and Octavia had made their feelings on Lexa abundantly clear over the past few weeks. 

“Yes, its still going on. She is actually sweet once you get to know her and she is fun.” Octavia raised an eyebrow and stared at Clarke incredulously causing the blonde to huff in irritation. “She is, Octavia.”

“Okay,” Octavia replied, pursing her lips. “Though I do know someone who is known to be fun and sweet and definitely into you even if he is just as stupid as-”

“Drop it, O,” Clarke said harshly, quickly glancing at the archway to the kitchen. 

“Don’t worry, he already left for the precinct.” Clarke felt her face blush a little at how quickly Octavia had picked up her concern. They sat at the table in silence, Octavia eating her sugary cereal and Clarke drinking her sugary coffee. It was nice to have Octavia back for a while, but her constant insinuations were starting to seriously irritate Clarke. 

“I would really appreciate if you and Raven would stop trying to force something that isn’t going to happen,” she said calmly. Octavia just raised her eyebrows. 

“How do you know it isn’t going to happen?”

Clarke threw her head back in frustration. “Would you just drop it, already? I’m sure Raven has told you what I told her. It would be too risky. If it didn’t work out I would have to find a new place to live, a new set of friends, a new-”

“Don’t be so dramatic. You are just being stubborn and stupid and so very frustrating. You wouldn’t lose your friends and there are tons of places in Chicago to-”

“None as perfectly located as this. And are you honestly saying you wouldn’t feel weird hanging out with your brother’s ex?” Octavia opened her mouth to respond but Clarke cut her off. “No, Octavia. It’s not going to happen. Besides, I’m with Lexa now and he is with Echo. We are both happily-”

“He isn’t with Echo anymore.”

Clarke felt her heart stutter. “W-what?” Now that she thought of it, Echo hadn’t been around for a while, really since Valentine’s Day. 

“Yeah,” Octavia responded, her gaze returning to her cereal. “The big dummy dumped her a couple days after Valentine’s Day. Apparently it wasn’t pretty, but honestly what was he expecting with that timing?” She snuck a glance up at Clarke who was still too surprised to register the how carefully Octavia watched her reaction. 

“But… he hasn’t said anything to me about it.”

Octavia snorted. “Yeah, because you two idiots talk about your love lives these days I’m sure.”

“We are talking a lot again, thank you very much,” Clarke retorted, feeling her face go red. “Things are getting back to normal.” 

“Yeah, okay.” Clarke rolled her eyes. Octavia just smirked back as they fell into another moment of silence. Finally, Clarke couldn’t bear it anymore and asked why they had broken up. Octavia’s grin was blinding and Clarke internally chastised herself for giving the brunette exactly what she wanted. 

“Well, since you are simply begging me to tell you, he told me that it just didn’t ‘feel right’ with her. He didn’t want to lead her on while his heart wasn’t in it. If you ask me its because his heart is already preoccupied with-”

“Yes, I already know your theories, Octavia.” This earned her another wide grin. 

Soon they moved onto other topics; what Clarke planned to do with her mother, Octavia’s work schedule, how Lincoln’s trip was going. 

That afternoon Lexa picked her up and they headed towards the airport. Lexa was quiet on the drive and Clarke could sense she was nervous about meeting Abby. Though things hadn’t been perfect between them, Clarke did care about the woman next to her. She reached over and put a comforting hand on Lexa’s knee. 

“Hey, she is going to love you, okay?”

Lexa clenched her jaw. “You said she wasn’t entirely cool about you dating girls.”

“That was years ago,” Clarke replied, hoping she sounded more confident than she felt. “Plus, she wasn’t upset about it or anything. She is just one of those people who doesn’t really understand bisexuality.”

Lexa scoffed but Clarke could see through her tough exterior. She wanted to make a good impression, it was clear. 

When they finally stood outside arrivals, Clarke was surprised to find herself more excited than she expected to see her mother. Helping Bellamy work through his mother’s death had made Clarke realize the importance of salvaging her relationship with her mom, but she didn’t expect to be this excited to see her after all they had been through. 

Before long Clarke caught sight of Abby in the crowd milling through the gate and rushed forward. It was a little awkward at first, with a stiff hug and formal pleasantries. The awkwardness only got worse as Clarke introduced her girlfriend, but overall, Clarke supposed, it went better than it could have. Lexa and Clarke helped Abby load her suitcase into Lexa’s trunk and then headed to the rental car lot. 

On the short drive Abby talked to Lexa about her job at the hospital, where she had gone to school, and other basic matters. As they neared the car lot Clarke could see Lexa relaxing more and more, though she remained characteristically guarded in her answers. 

“Lexa seems very nice,” Abby said as they entered the office of the rental car business. Clarke couldn’t hide her smile. 

“Yeah, she’s great.”

“How long have you two been... been dating?” 

“A little over a month now.”

“Do you think it is serious?”

Clarke felt her gut clench momentarily. At first their relationship had been anything but serious, but recently Lexa seemed more and more attached. It had been her idea to drive Clarke to the airport rather than having Abby catch a cab. The offer had surprised Clarke, but even more surprising was Lexa’s request to have dinner with Abby as well. “Uh, yeah. I guess, maybe.”

Her mother looked like she wanted to say something, but seemed to decide to hold her tongue. “Well, I was thinking I would go back to the hotel to freshen up a bit and then meet you two for dinner. Does that sound good?”

“Yeah, we’ll probably just hang out in the city so just text me whenever you want to eat.”

Abby nodded and they lapsed into an awkward silence. Clarke looked around the dingy office as the line inched its way forward to the counter. 

“Do you have tomorrow off?”

Clarke turned back to her mother. “Yes, I do. I was thinking maybe you could come by my place.”

Abby hummed in agreement. When they finally left the office, Clarke gave her mom a small hug goodbye and they parted ways. As she slipped into the car she smiled over at Lexa. 

“See, it wasn’t too bad.”

“No, she seems nice,” Clarke nodded. She hadn’t told Lexa about how fragmented her and Abby’s relationship had become over the past years. The time had just never felt right and Clarke didn’t like opening herself up to people. As a result, Lexa was going into Abby’s visit completely oblivious to the strained nature of their relationship. 

They passed the next couple of hours in Jackson Park, meeting Abby in a nice Chinese restaurant at six. Once again, the conversation was all pleasantries and small talk, but it was nice Clarke decided. After all, anything was an improvement from not talking to Abby at all. Abby and Lexa quickly seemed to get along, bonding over various medical stories and mysterious conditions they had encountered in their line of work. While they chatted away, Clarke couldn’t help but ponder her mom’s question about whether or not she and Lexa would be long term. To be honest, she hadn’t thought much about it up until that point. 

She did like Lexa, and Lexa certainly seemed very interested in her, but at the same time something just didn’t feel right. Sitting at dinner with her girlfriend and her mother meeting for the first time should feel more… more exciting maybe? She couldn’t put her finger on it, but for some reason Clarke couldn’t imagine bringing Lexa back to DC for holidays, she couldn’t see moving in with Lexa or marrying her or having a family. But then again, maybe that was just because they had only been dating for one month? Surely with more time those things would become more of a reality… right? 

After parting ways with Abby, Lexa drove her and Clarke home. She offered for Clarke to spend the night, but Clarke muttered a quick excuse and asked to just go home. Lexa seemed to want to talk more about it, but instead pursed her lips and dropped Clarke off. 

As she slipped her shoes off at the front door, Clarke saw the faint light of the TV shining into the living room. Walking towards the light, she saw Bellamy stretched out on the couch watching reruns of The Office. He looked up when she walked in. 

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she smiled, nudging his knee so he would make room for her. 

They watched in companionable silence for a while, laughing together and making small comments on the characters’ antics every now and then. During a commercial break, Bellamy got up to grab snacks. Clarke leaned into the couch and realized how much she had missed this. It was nothing special, sitting and watching TV together, but something about it just felt so comforting and natural. It had driven her crazy to see Echo take her spot on the couch because it was such a special place to Clarke. She wondered again, for what felt like the millionth time that day, why he and Echo had split. 

When Bellamy returned with leftover pizza, Clarke smiled and leaned into him. Before she could stop herself, she asked about Echo. As she felt Bellamy tense next to her, Clarke almost regretted bringing it up. 

“I don’t know,” he said after a moment, rubbing the back of his neck. “Things just… fizzled out I guess. It just wasn’t long term and I didn’t want to lead her on.” 

Clarke nodded, ignoring the way he wouldn’t meet her eyes, and looked back to the TV. “Well I suppose it’s for the best then.”

She could feel Bellamy looking at her, but continued to stare at the screen. “Yeah,” he finally replied in a strange, quiet voice. “I suppose it is.” 

The next morning Abby pulled up to the house at eleven. Clarke had spent the morning cleaning and forcing Bellamy to clean as well. By the time she peaked out the window to see her mom’s rental car, Bellamy was ready to mutiny. 

“Clarke I really don’t think its necessary to clean the-”

“She’s here!” Clarke turned back around to him. Much to his chagrin, Clarke had forced Bellamy to dress in a nice sweater and jeans that morning. She wanted, more than anything, for Abby to approve of him. Without thinking, she pushed herself onto her tiptoes and ran her fingers through his disheveled hair. Bellamy just stared at her with wide eyes causing Clarke to blush. They were both snapped out of their thoughts by Abby’s sharp rap on the door. 

Clarke whipped around, smoothed down her blouse, and opened the front door. Abby was eyeing the chipping porch suspiciously, her face slightly flushed. Clarke was expecting her mother to complain about Clarke’s residence, she just hoped that Abby waited until Bellamy was out of the room. 

“Hey Mom!” Abby turned to her daughter and smiled. 

“Clarke, dear. And Bellamy, hello.”

“Hello, Dr. Griffin.”

After their initial hellos, Clarke led her mother on a tour of the house with Bellamy trailing behind them awkwardly. Fortunately, Abby either kept her mouth shut or contrived nice comments as the moved through the house. Clarke knew her mother well, though, and could see by the look on her face that she was not impressed. It should have made her angry, but somehow the disapproval made Clarke proud. Yes, the house was not anything like her childhood home in DC, but it was hers. She had worked to pay her rent and put her own touches throughout the residence. Almost a year later, she had achieved the goal she set when she moved to Chicago. She had her own life. 

After the short tour, the trio sat down at the dining room table and drank coffee. Abby was more receptive to Bellamy than she had been in Washington, but Clarke could see how much she was struggling to accept Clarke’s new life with a housemate so different from the people Abby associated with at home. 

“So I have seen the house and I have met Bellamy again,” Abby said, looking at Clarke over her coffee mug. “Where is this Octavia I have heard about?” 

Clarke swallowed hard and felt Bellamy’s eyes on her. She peaked a glance at him, taking in his raised eyebrows and concerned expression. “You haven’t told her, Clarke?”

“Told me what?”

Clarke glared at Bellamy for a moment before turning to her mother. “Well, Mom. Um, Octavia recently got engaged and she… she moved out.” 

Abby Griffin’s eyebrows raised and her eyes darted in between Clarke and Bellamy. 

“Oh?”

“Yeah, its pretty recent though so-”

“How recent?”

“New Years,” Clarke replied, refusing to meet her mother’s eye. 

“How exciting,” Abby said, her voice terse. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me the good news. Are you looking for a new housemate then?”

“We haven’t really talked about it. I guess not.”

“I want to keep Octavia’s room open for her. That way she always feels like she can come home,” Bellamy added. Abby just hummed in response and looked down at her cup. 

The following painful moment of silence was broken when Bellamy abruptly stood up and announced he had to go help a neighbor with a yard project. Clarke barely stopped herself from rolling her eyes at the excuse. As soon as he was gone Abby turned to Clarke. 

“Clarke, what are you thinking? I mean… Bellamy is a very nice young man and I’m sure he has many good qualities but… this house? Living alone with him? If the people back home-”

“This is my life, Mom. That means my choices and I am very happy with them.”

“But-”

“Look, I know the house isn’t anything like the home in DC and I know the neighborhood isn’t great, but I like it. It’s close to work, Bellamy and I get along well, its close to-”

“Oh I’m sure you two get along well.”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Mom, I have a girlfriend. So did he until recently. We are just housemates.”

“But, Clarke, people will think-”

“I don’t care what people think. Our friends know that we are with different people. Its not weird to anyone else.”

Abby sighed deeply and shook her head. “Fine. You are old enough to make your own decisions. But Clarke, if you need money for a nicer place, or a car, or anything you know it’s-”

“Yes, Mom, I know it’s available. I don’t want it though. That’s the whole reason why I came here in the first place. Look, I know this place isn’t perfect, but its home and I pay the rent on my own and I have made it my own. I know it’s not what you want for me, but I am happy with it and that should be enough for you.” 

Abby stared at her daughter for a long moment before finally conceding the argument. “As long as you’re happy, then.” She stood up from the table, grabbing her empty mug. “Wells tells me you have started sketching again. I would love to see some of them if you don’t mind.” 

The rest of the morning and early afternoon was spent catching up and discussing Clarke’s residency at the hospital. Bellamy returned later in the afternoon and offered to make dinner if Abby wanted to stay. Soon it was agreed that both Abby and Octavia would have dinner with Clarke and Bellamy. 

To Clarke’s utter surprise, Abby and Octavia miraculously hit it off pretty well. The young woman eagerly told the older Griffin of her wedding plans, her night classes, and all the embarrassing, yet parentally appropriate, stories of Clarke she could think of. In return, Abby shared stories of Clarke’s childhood much to Clarke’s horror. Despite the hiccups that morning, Clarke found herself truly enjoying the evening. As they all sat around the small dining room table eating a pasta dish of Bellamy’s creation and sharing stories, she felt more at home with her mother than she had in years. A tiny voice in the back of her mind told her that this was what had been missing during the dinner with Lexa. The comfortable, familial, relaxed feeling that hung the atmosphere had been absent the night before. But then again, Clarke reasoned, she had known the Blakes for almost a year. Maybe with time, dinners with Lexa could be like this. This train of thought was quickly forgotten however, when she heard Bellamy’s barking laugh at a particularly embarrassing story of her in fourth grade and suddenly she could only focus the warm look in his eyes and the way her smirked at her fondly. 

The next couple of days Clarke was stuck with long shifts at the hospital rendering her unable to visit with her mom. They met up again two days later at a favorite Mexican restaurant of Clarke’s near the hospital. Over dinner, the two women had a much-needed discussion on the state of their relationship. Abby explained how she wanted to be a part of Clarke’s life again, if Clarke would let her. A knot formed in Clarke’s throat as her mother earnestly told her she would try to be more accepting and receptive of what Clarke wanted for herself. In response, Clarke promised to start putting the past behind them. After all, her father wouldn’t have wanted her to drop her mother out of her life. As Clarke lay in bed that night, she felt lighter than she had in years. 

The next day Abby called while Clarke was eating breakfast to finalize plans for the day. They were planning on a boat tour early in the day with the afternoon spent at various museums. 

“You can invite Lexa to come as well,” Abby said a little hesitantly as they finished discussing which museums to visit. Clarke bit her lip, she could tell her mother was trying hard to be more accepting her daughter, but even so Clarke wasn’t sure if she wanted to invite Lexa. For some reason the thought of it cast a pall on her excitement for the day. 

“Yeah, maybe, I’ll see if she is available.”

“Okay, well do you want me to come pick you up?” 

“No, traffic would be awful for you to come now and drive me back to the city, I’ll just call a cab.” 

“Or Lexa could drive you if she comes,” Abby paused. “You really should get a car, honey.” 

Clarke clenched her jaw. “Normally I don’t really need one. Everything is in walking distance or close to bus stations. I don’t need the extra expenses.”

There was another pause on the other line. “Well, honey, you do have the money from-”

“Mom, I already told you I don’t want it. I want to earn my own living.”

“But-”

“Please I want to have a nice day can we not do this now?” 

She heard Abby sigh. “Okay. I’ll see you around ten then?”

“Yeah, I’ll meet you at the hotel.” 

After hanging up Clarke stared at her phone for a minute debating whether or not to text Lexa. Rather than deciding what to do, Clarke opted to ignore the issue and go get ready. Thirty minutes later, she was showered, dressed, and once again staring at her phone running over the dilemma in her mind. 

Just as she was about to pick it up to text her girlfriend, Bellamy walked in wearing his running clothes. He was covered in a sheen of sweat and immediately grabbed a coconut water out of the fridge. Clarke looked up at him, surprised. 

“I thought you had patrol duty today?”

“No, there was some scheduling error so turns out I have the day off.” 

Clarke put her phone back on the table. “Oh, well I’m going to go into the city today. Mom and I are doing a boat tour and then hitting a couple museums. I’ll probably be back late.” 

He nodded. “Have fun, I’ll probably just be here watching-”

“You can come too, if you want.” 

His eyes widened a little. Even Clarke was a bit surprised by her outburst. “Really? Your mom wouldn’t mind?”

“Well she told me to invite Lexa, but she isn’t available,” Clarke replied, ignoring the guilt in her gut at the blatant lie. 

“Yeah but Lexa is your girlfriend.”

“And you are my best friend. She won’t mind.” She watched Bellamy fail to hide a smile. 

“Your best friend, huh?” 

Clarke felt her cheeks redden. “Well, I mean-”

“Just let me shower and I’ll be ready to go, Princess.” 

As he left the kitchen Clarke couldn’t help but grin. She knew it was probably wrong to not even attempt to invite Lexa, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret asking Bellamy instead. 

The drive into the city was choked with traffic but between Bellamy’s awful karaoke, Clarke’s favorite 80’s station, and some very good coffee the ride wasn’t too bad. When they finally got to Abby’s hotel, Bellamy dropped Clarke off while he left to find a place to park his truck. 

Abby was waiting in the lobby and smiled as soon as she saw Clarke come through the glass and gold revolving doors. They hugged briefly before heading outside together. 

“So, did you bring Lexa?” Abby asked, looking around as if trying to find the woman. 

“No,” Clarke replied, “she, uh, she was busy.”

“Oh, well I’m sure the two of us will have fun together.” 

Just then Bellamy parted from the masses that were walking on the crowded street. “Actually, Bellamy had the day off so I invited him. I hope that’s okay.” 

Abby smiled a little tightly at Bellamy, “Oh, well, yes. That’s perfectly okay.” She greeted him a little awkwardly and the trio began to make their way to the “L”. 

The day passed in a happy blur. Bellamy gave the Griffins his own ‘unofficial’ boat tour of the city and clearly impressed Abby as he explained various historical artifacts at the museums they visited. Though Clarke had worried a little about the day being a bit awkward with the three of them, it turned out to be one of her better days to date. It was natural and easy and simple. Though the thought made her feel a bit guilty, Clarke couldn’t help but be glad she chose to invite Bellamy over Lexa. 

When they got back to her Abby’s hotel that evening, Abby asked Clarke to walk her to her room. The heavy weight of concern settled in Clarke’s gut as she followed her mother to the elevator, leaving Bellamy alone in the ornate lobby. Fidgeting with the hair tie on her wrist, Clarke waited for her mother to speak but Abby seemed determined to wait until they were actually in her room to discuss whatever the issue was. 

“I hope Bellamy doesn’t mind waiting below, I just wanted to speak with you alone. I know we have two more days together, but it’s driving me crazy and I just need to get it out.” 

Clarke dropped down onto her mother’s fluffy hotel bed, worrying her lip between her teeth. 

Sighing, Abby walked forward and sat next to her daughter. “It’s been more than three years now, and I still miss your father every day, honey.” Clarke swallowed thickly trying to stop tears from welling up in her eyes. “But… it’s lonely in that big old house all by myself. It just reminds me of everything and I… when you left I just felt so alone.”

“Mom-”

“Just let me finish, Clarke, please.” Looking up at her mother, Clarke nodded. “Thank you. I… I know I should have told you this earlier, but I was worried about what you would think. A few months ago I started seeing a therapist though, and she has really helped me to be able to… to open up with you I suppose. Anyways, I didn’t want to wait any longer to tell you.” Abby sighed deeply and grabbed Clarke’s hand. “I have been seeing Marcus for the past six months.” 

Clarke’s eyes shot up from where they had been staring at her mother’s hand. “What? Marcus Kane?”

“Yes. We’ve always been close but in the past year especially he became a very important person in my life and we just… it just felt right. I’ll always love your father, Clarke, but I’m lonely. I miss being loved.” 

Tears rolled freely down Clarke’s cheeks. She didn’t know how to say or even how to feel. Swallowing down her emotions, Clarke forced a smile. “That’s… that’s great Mom.”

Abby seemed shocked. “Really?”

“Yeah. I mean, you deserve to be happy and if this is what makes you happy… Marcus is a good guy.” Even as she said Clarke could feel anger and grief bubbling in her stomach, but at the same time, she did want her mom to be happy. 

“That means to much, honey,” Abby said as she pulled Clarke into a tearful hug. When they pulled away, she jumped up from the bed and wiped her eyes. “Alright, well I don’t want to keep Bellamy waiting. I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner, right? After your shift?”

“Uh, yeah,” Clarke replied, wiping her eyes too. “See you then.” 

They hugged once more before Clarke finally left to meet Bellamy in the lobby. He was sitting in a large armchair staring at a gold tissue box. When he felt her presence next to him, he shook his head and joked about how ridiculous it was to have a tissue box made of gold, probably fake gold at that. Clarke barely heard him as her mind was still in her mother’s hotel room. When he finally looked up at her, Bellamy seemed to sense something was wrong. 

“Clarke? Are you okay?” He asked as he stood, gently touching her arm. Jerked out of her thoughts, Clarke looked up at him. She watched as his eyes searched her face, taking in her blotchy cheeks and red eyes. 

“Yeah… yeah I’m fine.” She still wasn’t sure how she felt, and didn’t feel like talking about it just yet, even with Bellamy. From the look on his face it was clear Bellamy didn’t believe her at all, but he respected her silence. 

“Okay, well if you want to talk I’m always here.” She nodded as he offered her a small, sympathetic smile. “Come on, Princess. Let’s get you home.” Throwing an arm across her shoulders and pulling her close, Bellamy kissed the top of her head and led her to the door. 

The drive home was quiet. Clarke stared out the window at the lights of the city and tried to ignore the feel of Bellamy’s heavy gaze on her. Once home, Clarke followed Bellamy up the drive and onto the porch, pausing while he unlocked the front door. Her mind was still preoccupied with her mother’s words. She still couldn’t make sense of how to feel. 

“Clarke?” At the sound of her name Clarke raised her eyes up to Bellamy’s. There was concern in his gaze. “You coming?”

She turned and looked out at the chilly, dark street. “No… I think I might just sit out here for a bit.” 

For a moment Bellamy didn’t respond, he just kept his heavy eyes on her, worry etched across his features. Finally he nodded and entered the house, leaving Clarke to sit on the front step. Just as she dropped her head into her hands, she heard the front door open and felt Bellamy sit down on the step next to her. A blanket was draped over her shoulders quickly followed by his warm arm. 

He didn’t say anything or push her to open up. Instead he just sat with her for a while, staring out at the street. 

“My mom is dating Marcus,” Clarke whispered, raising her head up from her hands. “I don’t know how to feel about it. On one hand, I want my mom to be happy and I like Marcus, he is a nice guy and my dad always liked him but…”

Bellamy pulled her closer to him, rubbing her shoulder lightly. “But its still upsetting to see your mom in a relationship with someone other than your dad.”

A tear dropped from Clarke’s eye as she nodded. “Exactly. I want to be happy for her but at the same time I’m angry and sad and just… I don’t know. It’s a weird feeling. I guess I just don’t want him to be forgotten.”

“He won’t be. You’ll always remember him. And just because she is dating someone else doesn’t mean she is going to forget about him.”

“I’m tired of being angry with her. I just want us to get along and I want what is best for her,” Clarke said with a sigh. “But it’s so hard.” 

“I know,” Bellamy replied as Clarke leaned her head against his shoulder. “It’s hard, when you can’t be with the person you love, for whatever reason. It feels awful having to spend everyday thinking about them but never… never being able to be with them. Not how you want to be with them that is. It’s probably good for your mom to find someone else, even if it isn’t your dad its someone who can make her happy.” 

Clarke nodded, assuming he was talking about how it felt to be without his mom. “But what if she loves Marcus more than my dad?” It felt silly to say, too childish, but Clarke couldn’t stop herself from voicing the fear. 

Bellamy sighed sadly next to her. “You can love people in a lot of different ways. Even if she does love Marcus more, that doesn’t mean she loves your dad any less. Everyone has one great love, I think, but that doesn’t mean they don’t also love other people in other ways. I mean, take me for example. I love Octavia more than anything, but I’m in love with-” Clarke felt Bellamy tense under her cheek. She looked up at him to see his jaw clenched. “I mean,” he began again, clearing his throat. “I assume that one day I’ll love someone just as much but in a different way. It’s the same with your parents. If she does love Marcus more in that sense, it doesn’t mean she didn’t love your dad. And if she did love your dad more than Marcus, she still deserves to find love, even if it isn’t as great, in Marcus, right?”

Clarke drew her brows in thought. “Yes, I suppose. It’s just strange- to think of my mom with someone other than my dad.” 

Bellamy hummed in response and pulled the blanket around them tighter as a cold breeze blew across the porch. 

“Thanks, Bellamy,” she said quietly, looking up at his pensive face. His dark eyes met hers in the glow of the porch light. 

“For what?”

“For sitting here with me. For being such a good friend.” 

His brows drew together at her words and his eyes slipped away from hers, looking back out at the dark street. 

“No problem, Clarke,” he replied after a moment. “Anything for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all I just want to say that The Office is my favorite show of all time so I am quite partial to the idea of Bellamy and Clarke being more than willing to watch reruns. 
> 
> Also check out the fancy Chicago facts I dropped (boat tours, "L", Jackson Park) I hope I got them right... 
> 
> Also also, I hope y'all caught what Bellamy almost said because ngl I squealed a little bit while writing that.
> 
> Two chapter left! GASP (Maybe three if y'all convince me to do an epilogue) 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr! Send me prompts! Talk to me! I have more writing on there! http://clipmywingsandwalkmymiles.tumblr.com/


	16. Casseroles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! My life got hectic! 
> 
> Get ready for some angst and revelations.

March 20th turned out to be one of the worst days of Clarke’s life. 

It started that morning, when her phone’s alarm didn’t go off leaving Clarke to wake up fifteen minutes before her shift started. On top of that, she had a double shift that day. After dashing into the shower and running down the stairs, she threw herself out the front door while shouting a quick goodbye to Bellamy who was standing, bewildered, on the steps. 

Once at the hospital, things didn’t improve much. The first half of Clarke’s shift was filled with an array of increasingly stubborn and frustrating patients leaving her in a pitiful mood as she headed to the cafeteria for her break. With a sigh of irritation Clarke dropped down into a plastic chair with her yogurt. Resting her chin on her hand she began to scroll through Buzzfeed on her phone in an attempt to distract herself from her shitty morning. 

“So you do look at your phone after all.” 

Clarke started at Lexa’s voice, dropping her phone down to the table as the other woman sat across from her. She felt her face flush. There were at least five unread texts from Lexa on her phone from the past couple days. It wasn’t that Clarke was ignoring her; she just didn’t really feel like talking to Lexa. Things had gotten weird between them and Clarke wasn’t sure how to end it. She had never been great with breakups. Okay, maybe she was ignoring Lexa. 

“I’ve been really busy, between my mom’s visit and-”

“Clarke, I know for a fact your mom left weeks ago and what would keep you so busy you couldn’t return a text?” 

Clarke bit her lip, suddenly angry. The utter shit that was her morning combined with her frustration with Lexa boiled over. 

“What happened to not getting attached, Lexa? When this- whatever this is- started you said it was just for fun, that it wasn’t serious. For something so casual you are pretty insistent.” 

“Well maybe I don’t want this to be casual. I think I have made that pretty clear.”

“Lexa, I told you when this started that I wasn’t looking for something serious.”

The brunette rolled her eyes. “This is about him isn’t it?”

“What?” Clarke asked, confused. 

“Oh please, Clarke. I can see exactly what this is. You are into Bellamy but that would be too acceptable. You still want to be rebellious, right? That’s why you moved to Chicago and why you barely talk to your mom-”

“Excuse you, I do talk to my mom. In case you forgot she just came-”

“Yeah so that you could show her how much you refuse to be what she wants you to be! God, Clarke. How many times have we talked about how everything about your life out here is the opposite of what she wanted for you back in DC?”

“I still don’t see how this has anything to do with-”

“You just wanted me around so that you could be what she doesn’t want. You told me yourself that she is uncomfortable with you dating girls. It’s Bellamy you want, but it’s more edgy to be with another woman. I get it,” Lexa spit out. Clarke felt her blood boil. 

“Really? You of all people are going to sit her and say that I’m not really into women? Fuck you, Lexa. I don’t want to be in a serious relationship with you. I don’t want to be in one with anyone right now. That doesn’t mean that I’m not attracted to women.” 

“Whatever, Clarke. You don’t have to text me anymore. I get it, your little phase is over.” 

Clarke set her jaw in anger. “Really, please tell me more about how my sexuality is just a phase. Is yours a phase too?”

Lexa only glared in response, sliding her chair back dramatically and leaving the cafeteria in a storm. Her appetite gone, Clarke pushed her yogurt away furiously. She was torn between relief for finally ending it with Lexa and bitter resentment at her comments. Before she had too much time to stew over the argument, however, her phone vibrated indicating the end of her break. With a frustrated huff she tossed her uneaten snack in the trash and made her way back to the ER. 

Hours later as her shift was winding down and Clarke began imaging the bubble bath and (hopefully) a home cooked dinner courtesy of Bellamy waiting for her at home Dr. Nyko grabbed her arm in the hall. He was breathing heavily, clearly having just been rushing down the hall. 

“Thank God, Clarke I know your shift is over in 15 minutes but we need you.”

“Of course! What’s going on?” Clarke asked, alarmed, as she followed Nyko who had taken off down the hall again swerving around nurses and patients. 

“Three cops. Two partners and their supervisor. They were involved in a shooting. Two of them need emergency surgery; they are critical. The third just needs minor stiches and a concussion check. You take him so Anya and I can deal with the two criticals.” 

Before Clarke could respond, or even pause to think, Nyko whipped around and shoved her towards a door Clarke assumed led to the luckiest cop. She grabbed the clipboard from the door not bothering to check the name or patient information. The patient wasn’t in a dangerous condition, so Clarke preferred to meet and look over them before getting into the technicalities of her work. 

“Hello, my name is Dr. Griffin and-” 

As soon as Clarke looked up at the man sitting on the hospital bed she felt her stomach drop. The air seemed to leave her lungs and it was only by some miracle that she managed to stay standing. 

Sterling looked up at her, surprise on his face. There was a wound on his arm from where a bullet had grazed him and his skin looked a little too pale, but his well being was the last thing on Clarke’s mind. Nyko had said two partners and their supervisor. Sterling was not a supervisor, but he was a partner. 

She tried to open her mouth to say something -anything- but nothing came out. 

“Clarke-” 

Before Sterling could say more Clarke was spinning around and rushing out of the room. The look on his face and the tone of his voice had said everything. 

The hall seemed to blur before her. It felt like she was moving in slow motion, not able to get away fast enough. There was a weight in her gut that reminded her of the night her mom called to tell her Wells had been shot and of that awful day she spent crying on her parents bed as her dad’s body sat in a morgue. She wanted to throw up and collapse and scream all at the same time.

Suddenly a strong arm gripped her, stopping her in the middle of the hallway. 

“Clarke. Clarke look at me. Clarke!” Finally her wild, panicked eyes found Lexa. The other woman’s face was full of concern and something like pity. “Clarke, give me the clipboard. I’ll handle his partner. You shouldn’t be part of this you are too involved. I’ve already explained it all to Nyko.” 

Tears suddenly welled in Clarke’s eyes as the true reality of the situation set in. She shoved the clipboard into Lexa’s hands. “Where is he?” Her voice shook almost as much as her hands. 

“Room 228. For now at least. They are rushing him into-”

Clarke was gone before Lexa could finish. By the time she reached his room it was too late. The bed was empty; they had already taken Bellamy into emergency surgery. Deep down the rational part of her brain told her that was a good thing, the sooner the better. At the same time, however, she had wanted to see him one last time.

She stood in the silent room, staring at the empty bed as tears ran down her cheeks. A bang in the hallways started her out of her shock. Suddenly all she could concentrate on was all that she had to do. She had to call Octavia. Oh God, Octavia. And Raven, and Miller and Monty and Jasper and Harper and everyone. She had to check out of her shift, she had to-

“Um, Dr. Griffin? I’m sorry but we need this room for a patient.” 

Clarke turned to see a young nurse rolling an elderly man into the room. She wiped her eyes quickly and murmured an apology as she moved out into the hall. As soon as she was out of the room, something in Clarke snapped. Tears wouldn’t fix anything. They didn’t fix her father. No, she needed to stay calm and stay rational and deal with everything that had to be dealt with. 

After throwing up the contents of her stomach and cleaning her face in the staff bathroom, Clarke made her way to one of the many reception counters in the ER. The nurse at the counter looked up at her in question. “We have a patient in trauma named Bellamy Blake, he is a police officer involved in a shooting.” She willed her voice to stay steady even as her stomach churned. “I just want to check if his emergency contact has been contacted yet.” 

The wide-eyed nurse looked around for any coworkers. “I’m really sorry,” she squinted at the name embroidered on Clarke’s scrubs, “Dr. Griffin, but I don’t think I can give out that information.” 

Clarke huffed in frustration. The nurse was clearly new to the job. “I promise you nurses do this all the time.”

“You aren’t his authorized doctor so-”

“I’m a very close friend of the family and I need to know if his sister has been told about his condition,” Clarke said a little too loud, her voice cracking midsentence. 

The nurse bit her lip and stared up at Clarke, clearly at war with herself. Finally she nodded, turning down to her computer. “Um, it appears that she has not been contacted yet. I just started my shift and was about to begin making the calls Sheila didn’t do before-”

“Okay,” Clarke breathed out, nodding. “Okay, um, why don’t you let me call her okay?”

Once again the nurse looked unsure causing Clarke to lock her jaw in frustration. 

“Look, I know this isn’t protocol and I know you are new and just want to do your job right, but please let me handle this. I’ll call her in front of you if you want me to. I know the family very well so please just let me do this.” Clarke could fell the tears in her eyes again. The nurse nodded slowly and turned the phone towards Clarke. “Thank you,” Clarke said quietly, a lump forming in her throat. She stared at the phone for a long moment. Yes, she knew it would be better for Octavia to hear the news from her but she had no idea what to say. ‘Hey, Octavia. Your brother, the only family you have left, the man who survived three tours in an active war zone, is very possibly dying at my hospital right now.’ Tears rolled down her cheeks as she reached for the phone. 

Octavia picked up on the second ring. 

“Hello?” Her voice was hesitant and filled with worry; it only made Clarke feel more panicked. 

“Hey, Octavia, it’s Clarke.” 

“Oh, Clarke,” Octavia laughed. “Thank God. I thought- I saw the hospital’s number on my phone and I freaked out. I thought something had happened to Bellamy or you or something. What’s up? Did you leave your phone at home because-”

“Octavia,” Clarke began, her voice breaking. She opened and closed her mouth several times trying to form a sentence. 

“Clarke,” Octavia asked. “Clarke what is it?” The panic in Octavia’s voice was growing steadily. “Clarke talk to me what is happening? Oh God, Clarke what is it?”

“It’s Bellamy.” She heard Octavia suck her breath in on the other line. “There… He was… He is in emergency surgery right now. There was a shooting apparently. I don’t know the details about what happened or how he is or anything. They wont let me near the situation because I am involved and doctors can’t work on-”

“Is he going to be okay, Clarke? Please tell me his going to be okay. I’m on my way right now. What is going on, is he okay?”

Clarke could her the utter fear in Octavia’s voice, after all her own voice sounded the same. “I don’t know,” she replied with a sob. “I have no idea but it’s bad, O. It’s real bad. He is in trauma and my supervisor said its critical and I just. Oh God, I don’t know.”

“Clarke, we are on our way. I’m driving ‘Tav,” Lincoln said. Clarke realized he must have taken the phone from Octavia. “Is there anything you need, should I-”

“No, no. Just get her down here. I don’t… I don’t know how this is going to end so she should be here.”

When she hung up a moment later the nurse at the counter looked up at her in sympathy. “I’m really sorry, Dr. Griffin.” Clarke just nodded, offering a watery smile. She didn’t trust her voice to work properly. 

Ten minutes later Octavia came barreling down the hall, Lincoln hot on her heels. Jumping up from her seat in the hall Clarke met Octavia halfway. The younger woman pulled her into a tight embrace that Clarke fiercely returned. When they finally pulled apart both were rubbing tears from their eyes. Lincoln rested a hand on Octavia’s shoulder, his face grim, as she asked Clarke if she had learned any  
more information. 

“No, we won’t know anything until he is done with surgery. Come on, I’ll show you to the family area of trauma.” 

The trio spent the next hour and a half sitting in the waiting area. An hour in, the recently discharged Sterling met them. Octavia was silent for the duration of their wait. She leaned her head on Lincoln’s shoulder as silent tears flowed down her cheeks. Clarke wanted to say something, anything, to comfort her but was at a loss for what to do. Bellamy would know what to say. He was always so much better at this sort of thing.

She missed him so much already. Just thinking of him made her chest tight. She had barely even spoken to him that morning. Her malfunctioning alarm had caused her to shout a quick goodbye. What if that was the last time she would ever see him? Or speak to him? Suddenly Clarke’s throat felt to thick and she dropped her head into her hands. 

Sterling placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and let out a long sigh. “It should have been me.”

Clarke raised her head, eyebrows scrunched together. “No, don’t say that. Neither of you deserve this.”

“Come on, Clarke. The guy survived three tours in the Middle East just for this to happen a few blocks from his own house.”

“That doesn’t mean-”

“It was meant for me. The bullet. I didn’t see the third perp. He was coming in from the side and I was focused on the other two we were restraining. Bellamy pushed me to the side and took the bullet. It should have been me.” 

Clarke was pretty sure she heard Octavia mutter something about Bellamy being a reckless idiot. Part of her agreed, but at the same time she was not at all surprised he had taken a bullet for his partner. “That’s not your fault, Sterling. That’s just how Bellamy is.”

“But I should have-”

“Ms. Blake?”

All four heads whipped around to Dr. Nyko. Clarke’s heart sank as she saw the somber expression on the familiar face. That combined with the fact it was him speaking to the family, not a nurse, was not a good sign. 

Octavia stood slowly on shaky legs as Nyko made his way over to her. “I’m sorry we have to meet under these circumstances, Ms. Blake. My name is Dr. Nyko, I am the head surgeon of trauma and I have personally been operating on your brother, Officer Blake.” Octavia nodded and mumbled a watery thank you. “Now I’m sure you are all concerned,” Nyko said, his gaze falling on each of the four people there for Bellamy. “I’m very happy to tell you that for now he is stable. We have managed to extract the bullet and we have stopped the bleeding, but he isn’t totally in the clear yet. We expect him to make a full recovery but until tomorrow morning we are going to keep him listed as critical condition.”

“But he is alive?” Octavia asked. 

“Yes, he is. He sustained a gunshot wound to the abdomen. Fortunately for him it appears to have just missed any major organs, but he did lose a lot of blood.”

Lincoln stood and put a comforting arm around Octavia. “When can she see him?”

“The nurses are getting him set up in a room now, someone will come and get you when he is able to have visitors. Just be aware he may not wake for a few hours at least.”

“Thank you,” Octavia mumbled, turning into Lincoln’s embrace. Nyko nodded his head at Lincoln before moving towards Clarke. 

“How are you, Clarke? Lexa told me you know him well.”

“I’m fine,” she replied, a little shakily. “How bad is it? Be honest with me, I’ll know when I see him anyways.” 

Nyko sighed heavily. “Its bad, but not horrible. The surgery went well and we don’t believe there is any internal bleeding or rupture of any organs, but honestly we can’t be sure. You know that. It’s always difficult with these things, but the best team we have worked on him. I would say there is an 80% chance he will be fine, given time to recover.” 

As the night wore on Octavia and Clarke took turns sitting with Bellamy. Lincoln returned to his and Octavia’s home to pick up things they might need, dropping Sterling off at his home to recover further. 

As the sun started rising over the city Clarke took her seat by Bellamy’s bedside as Octavia left to get some coffee and breakfast. Her experience told her that Bellamy’s steady heartbeat and lack of complications thus far meant that he was almost certainly out of the woods, but that didn’t stop the heaviness that rested in her chest as she watched his peaceful face. It reminded her, in some morbid, twisted way, of how the faces of the dead look during a wake. She shook this thought out of her head, instead choosing to focus on the steady rise and hall of his chest. 

A few centimeters in any direction and the bullet would have killed him. Nyko didn’t have to explain to Clarke just how insanely lucky Bellamy was to be alive. The thought made anger swell in her. The stupid ass had thrown himself in harms way. Instead of yelling out to warn Sterling, or pulling him down, or doing something, anything, else he had chosen to jump in front of the gun. Clarke angrily wiped a stray tear from her eyes, already swollen from the tears that had come and gone throughout the night. 

Reaching over, she grabbed his limp hand. The warmth was reassuring. It reminded Clarke that he was still with her. Despite what could have been, he was here. He was safe and alive and for that she was so unbelievable thankful. She stretched her free hand up to brush hair away from Bellamy’s forehead. Her fingers rested for a moment too long on his skin. 

“You fucking idiot,” she whispered, voice still watery, as she lowered her head down to the hospital bed. It had been a full day now that Clarke had been awake and the emotions of the past few hours only added to her exhaustion. 

“I hope that’s not your eulogy for me.” 

Clarke’s head shot up, her eyes wide, as she felt Bellamy weakly squeeze her hand. His voice was hoarse and quiet, his eyes tired and only half open, but he was awake. He was alive and awake and talking and still with her and suddenly Clarke couldn’t think straight anymore. A sob escaped her throat followed quickly by a gurgled laugh and then more tears. Without thinking twice she leaned forward and planted a sloppy kiss on Bellamy’s cheek, still gripping his hand tightly. 

“You idiot, you almost died,” she said quietly. Despite her words there was nothing but fondness and relief in her voice. 

“Sterling? Is he-”

“He is perfectly fine. He got stiches for a graze but is home now.” Under other circumstances, his utter lack of concern for his own condition would have annoyed her but now it brought nothing but utter joy. It was such a Bellamy thing to do; to ask about another while he was lying in a hospital bed in the trauma ward of the ER. 

“Good.”

“How do you feel?”

“Like shit.”

Clarke laughed tearfully. She brought a hand to rest on his chest, well above the spot where she knew he had been shot. “I was so worried, Bellamy. They gave me Sterling’s chart and a run down of what had happened and as soon as I saw him I knew. I just knew…” A lump formed in Clarke’s throat, preventing her from continuing as more tears rolled down her cheeks. 

“Hey,” Bellamy said gently, lifting a shaky hand up to rest on the one she had on his chest. “I’m okay, Clarke. It’s fine, I’m here.”

“But you almost weren’t, Bellamy, and I can’t… I don’t know what I would have done without you. You are… I can’t...” She sighed, eyes searching his face, trying to memorize every detail. “You are my best friend. I would have been so lost without you.”

He looked up at her intensely, his fingers caressing her knuckles. “Clarke, I-”

“Oh my God!” 

Both Bellamy and Clarke’s eyes turned to the door where Octavia stood, frozen in shock. A moment later relief flooded her face as she rushed over to her brother, smothering him in kisses and curses. 

Clarke stepped back, smiling at the reunion, before moving towards the door to give the siblings some privacy and to call Lincoln. Before she left she glanced back towards the bed and caught Bellamy’s eye over Octavia’s shoulder. A way of emotions washed over her. It was a strange mix of relief and sorrow and affection. 

He came home a week later with orders to stay in bed and not over exert himself. Octavia and Clarke interpreted Nyko’s orders as their personal mission. At all times, one of the women was in the house to make sure the very stubborn, headstrong, and “I swear I am okay I can handle walking to the kitchen” man in their lives didn’t do anything stupid. The news about Bellamy’s injury quickly makes it way around their social circle leading to a month’s supply of casseroles that made Octavia and Clarke’s lives a little bit easier. 

One night, about a week after Bellamy was discharged from the hospital, Clarke sat curled up against his side in bed. She and Octavia had moved the TV up to his room to prevent him from attempting the stairs and as a result Clarke had spent most of her free time over the past week in his bed. A casserole dish sat precariously across both their laps as they took turns digging their forks into the lukewarm food. It was a familiar scene for Clarke at that point in the week, but as she rested her head on Bellamy’s shoulder and felt him chuckle slightly at the movie they were watching Clarke suddenly felt overwhelmed with affection for the man next to her. 

Yes, it was a simple, basic thing. Sitting in bed, eating dinner, watching some dumb movie that made them laugh like idiots, but something about it how natural and domestic it was sent warmth all through Clarke’s body. It was in that moment that it really hit her that she had almost lost him. She was a rational person and, as any rational person would, knew weeks ago that Bellamy almost died. But somehow it had never really felt real until this moment. Clarke imagined the room if events had gone differently. If the gun had been aimed a little to the side, if Bellamy had moved a little slower or faster, if the medics hadn’t gotten to the scene when they did. It would be dark, empty. A mausoleum for both him and his mother. There would be no laughter, no warm sheets, not comforting glow of the TV. Most importantly, there would be no Bellamy. Nobody to talk to about both the shittiest aspects of her life and the most trivial topics imaginable. Nobody willing to drive her all the way to DC at the drop of a hat. Nobody who could turn an awkward day with her mother into a wonderful time. Nobody who understood her better than she understood herself. 

Clarke turned her head to look up at his face. She took in the warm smile, slightly lopsided and marred by the scar above his lip. The scar he had gotten when he was thirteen and got in a fight with a kid who had called his mother a dirty word. She thought about all the stupid fights they had gotten into and their night at the beach when he had confessed his sins to her and when she had done the same in DC. She thought of the nights they spent together, curled against each other’s bodies and the art supplies he had gotten her for her birthday and how wonderful Christmas with him had been. She thought of New Years and how it had felt to have his heated gaze on her and his warm lips against hers and his hands everywhere. 

It hit her like a freight train. 

She loved him. She was in love with him. 

Her heart beat rapidly in her chest, as she thought about all the time she had wasted worrying about everything that could go wrong if she was honest with him. 

What if he had died? That would be time she could never get back. Even now it made her angry. She would never have those days back no matter how much she wanted them all of a sudden. Clarke wanted more time with him. She wanted him to be her future, she wanted to give him her yesterdays, and she wanted to never come anywhere near as close to losing him as she had that month. 

“Clarke? Are you okay?” 

Coming out of her thoughts Clarke looked up at Bellamy. She could feel tears on her cheeks causing her to blush. “Yeah, I’m fine,” she responded quietly, dropping her fork and linking her fingers through his. “I’m just really, really glad you are okay.”

Bellamy smiled, causing Clarke’s stomach to flip, and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. “Me too, Princess.” She snorted and rolled her eyes before brushing stray tears from her eyes. 

That night, as she lay next to him in bed, Clarke listened to his steady breaths. She loved him, she knew that now. Maybe she had always known that but was just too afraid to acknowledge it. But now it was impossible to ignore. She had caught a glimpse of a future without him and now knew beyond a doubt that she didn’t want to live the rest of her life with anyone other than the man next to her. He was her best friend, her partner in everything. He knew her better than she knew herself. She loved him more than she could remember loving anyone else.

Clarke Griffin was no longer afraid of loving Bellamy Blake. Instead, a new fear creeped into the corners of her exhausted heart. What if it was too late? What if Bellamy had moved on? 

After all she had made it clear she didn’t want anything more than friendship. Perhaps, in her desperate attempt to protect herself she had ruined the best thing she had ever known.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ONE CHAPTER LEFT OH MY GOD YOU GUYS
> 
> Anyways, I just want to thank y'all for all your love and sweet comments and general wonderfulness. 
> 
> A couple quick things:
> 
> 1) Get ready for the rating to go up  
> 2) Love me on tumblr http://clipmywingsandwalkmymiles.tumblr.com/  
> 3) You lovely people have gotten me nominated for the Bellarke Fanfiction Awards!!! Seriously I am so honored. If y'all want to be utter sweethearts you can vote for me and this fic sometime before June 30th! Vote for me in the Angst General Fiction category here ->http://bellarkefanfictionawards.tumblr.com/
> 
> Once again, thank you so much for your love and get pumped for the next chapter when these dorks finally take their pants off.


	17. More Pancakes (and some confessions)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS HERE
> 
> Its a bit shorter, but gets right to the good stuff! 
> 
> (I hope you like it, angst is my forte not fluff and smut)

Throughout April Clarke struggled with her newly realized feelings for Bellamy. She knew she should tell him, after all holding her emotions inside was what had gotten her into this mess in the first place, but it was easier said than done. There were days when she would work herself up, telling herself that she was going to do it over dinner or when he got home or before she left for work, but then the moment would always come and go. 

There were also times that it seemed like the words would burst out of her mouth without warning. When they sat close watching TV or went grocery shopping together Clarke could feel the three simple words burning in the back of her throat, but still she remained silent. 

Almost losing Bellamy had made her finally realize how much she needed and wanted him, but it hadn’t magically granted her the courage to open up and put her heart on the line. April came and went without a confession.

In early May Clarke began her first full day off that month by waking up at 11:00, taking a slow, hot shower, and spending an hour lazing around about getting dressed. She had to run a few errands but then Clarke fully planned on lounging about and doing nothing for the rest of the day. These plans where quickly called into question, however, when she walked into the kitchen to find a very bored looking Bellamy leaning against the counter checking his phone and stirring a bowl. His gaze met hers as soon as she crossed into the room.

“Oh my God, finally. I was starting to think you were dead up there.”

Clarke scrunched her eyebrows together. “Well how was I supposed to know you were down here waiting on me? You could have come to get me you know.” She moved closer to him to see what he was making ignoring the butterflies in her stomach at their proximity. “Blueberry pancakes?” 

“Blueberry pancakes,” Bellamy confirmed. “And if I had told you to hurry your ass up then the surprise would have been ruined.” The face he made was an adorable mix of pride, nervousness, and irritation. 

“Okay…” Clarke’s mind raced trying to figure why Bellamy would wait all morning to surprise her with pancakes on an insignificant Tuesday in May. “Why are you making blueberry pancakes?”

“Because they are your favorite.” 

Clarke narrowed her eyes. “Did you break something of mine? Are you about to ask me to move out? Because I swear to God Bellamy Blake-”

“Am I not allowed to make you pancakes?”

“You waited for me to come down. I know you; you wake up at 6:00 on your days off. It is currently 12:40. You waited six hours and forty minutes to make me pancakes so clearly there is something more going on here.”

Bellamy laughed and flipped a pancake. “Really? You haven’t figured it out? I mean I know its not exactly the right date exactly, but we both have had work so I figured this was the best option. But really, I thought you were oh so smart.”

“I am smart, that’s why I can’t fathom the stupidity of this,” Clarke replied as she dipped a finger in the batter before licking it clean. Bellamy stared at her lips for a beat too long causing Clarke to blush. Maybe her heart wasn’t a total lost cause after all. 

Bellamy cleared his throat and dragged his eyes back up to hers. “It’s the anniversary of you moving in. Well, kind of. The anniversary of us living together I suppose.” 

Clarke’s blush deepened and her chest got a little tight at the notion of Bellamy celebrating an anniversary of theirs. She quickly covered how much the act affected her by reminding him how unhappy he had been a year ago. 

“Yeah, well I was an ass. You, Clarke Griffin, are the best thing that ever happened to me.” His voice was deep and serious causing Clarke’s gut to clench. Her heart sputtered out an uneven rhythm as she held his affectionate gaze. “Other than Netflix, Octavia, and Nutella of course,” he added, tone lighter. 

Clarke pursed her lips to keep from smiling. She dipped her finger back in the bowl and smeared a line of sticky batter across Bellamy’s face before he could complain about her double dipping. For one long moment he looked as if she had mortally offended him. The utter shock and outrage on his face caused Clarke to double over in laughter. Slowly an incredulous smile replaced his horror. 

“Really, princess? How old are you?”

Clarke was still laughing too hard to reply. In one fluid movement Bellamy dipped his own finger in the batter and flung the sticky substance at her face. It splattered across her cheeks causing Clarke to laugh even harder. Bellamy just stood in front of her grinning and shaking his head at her antics before the smell of something burning caught both their attention. 

“Shit,” he cursed, turning back to the now ruined pancake. “First you are late and now you make me burn your breakfast. You are a mess.” He threw the ruined pancake in the trash before turning back to her. “I have no idea how you and Octavia survived before I can here. Both of you are beyond-” 

He was cut off as Clarke suddenly leaned forward pressing her lips against his. The sudden wave of affection for Bellamy had proved too much for Clarke, she could hardly have stopped herself from kissing him if she tried. The dam that had building between them for far too long had finally broke and she couldn’t seem to make herself regret it. After a moment, Clarke felt him freeze in place and she was struck with fear. This clearly wasn’t right time and it probably would have been better to tell him how she felt rather than just kiss him as he grumbled about her and Octavia. Clarke began to pull away but before she could Bellamy dropped the spatula in his hand and wrapped her arms around her causing Clarke’s heart to soar. He deepened the kiss, letting his tongue brush against her lips. Clarke whimpered at the contact. The small noise seemed to alert Bellamy as to what was happening as his lips suddenly left hers.

“Clarke,” his voice was hoarse as he pushed away from her. Bellamy moved back until his back hit the cabinets opposite of Clarke. “Clarke I can’t do this.” She felt her stomach drop. It was too late after all. 

“I’m sorry, Bellamy, I-”

“No, just… just let me talk okay? I can’t do this if you are just going to back away again. I can’t do that, Clarke. Not again. I want this. I want us. New Years wasn’t a mistake. Yes, I was drunk and yes I wasn’t very eloquent but I want this. I’m in love you, Clarke. I can’t handle being pushed away again after getting my hopes up.” 

His eyes were fixed on the kitchen tiles. Something about his face, the vulnerableness of it, reminded her of the anniversary of his mother’s death. Slowly she moved towards him. “Bellamy,” a happy tear slipped down her cheek. He still didn’t look up from the ground. Reaching out, Clarke put a hand on each side of his face and pulled his gaze up to her. The intensity in his eyes sent a jolt of electricity through her. “Bellamy I’m not going anywhere,” she said softly through a watery smile. The seriousness of the conversation seemed silly with the batter still smeared over his freckles. “I’ve been so stupid. New Years meant something to me too, it meant a lot. But I was scared. Love never… it never ends well for me. And I was so afraid of losing you if things went sour. It was easier to just keep things how they were, but that was so, so stupid. I love you. I almost lost you two months ago and that made me realize that I want to take this gamble. I want us, too. I love you. I’m so in love with you and I’m sorry it took me so long to say that.” 

Clarke watched Bellamy’s jaw tighten as conflicting emotions bubbled around in her heart. On one hand she was relieved to finally admit how she felt and overjoyed that Bellamy felt the same way, but guilt sat heavy in her chest as well for causing him such pain. 

“Please, Bellamy. I love you so much. I wont freak out this time or back off. This is worth it. You are worth it.” More tears slipped down her cheeks as she refused to break eye contact with the man in front of her. Just as she began to lose hope, to fear that her earlier rejection had been too damaging, Bellamy moved one hand to the stove to turn off the burner. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead against hers and gripping her hips tightly. 

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to hear you say that,” he breathed. He was close enough that his lips brushed against hers as he spoke. The sensation made Clarke shiver. 

Pushing up on her toes, Clarke closed the tiny gap between them once more. This kiss wasn’t as heated as the one they had shared minutes before. It was slow and deliberate, meant to convey words just as much as need. Bellamy wrapped his thick arms around Clarke, pulling her flush against him. Smiling against his lips, Clarke ran her hands through his inky hair. They only broke apart once the need for air finally outweighed their desire for each other. 

Clarke lowered herself back onto her heels and dropped her head into the nook between Bellamy’s neck and shoulder. She couldn’t stop the stupidly wide grin that formed on her lips that soon turned into a short, strangled laugh. Bellamy tightened his grip on her and dropped his head down to her shoulder. She could feel him smile against her skin. 

“What’s so funny, princess?”

If possible, Clarke smiled wider as she nuzzled into his neck. “Nothing. I’m just… I’m just really happy. That and I just got batter all over your shirt.” 

Bellamy pulled away so he could look down at her, adoration and amusement in his warm eyes. “That makes two of us, then. I’m pretty sure I also managed to get it in your hair.” 

Clarke reached up to wipe the remaining batter from his cheek. His eyes darkened as she stuck the finger in her mouth, sucking away the sweetness. He lunged forward capturing her mouth in his again and began to walk her backwards until her body hit the cabinets. Pushing up on him, Clarke managed to lift herself onto the counter smirking against his lips at the familiar position. 

“Have you noticed,” Clarke whispered between kisses, “that most of our meaningful moments happen in the kitchen.” 

Bellamy just grunted in reply as his he sucked and kissed his way down her neck. Clarke lost any train of though she had as his hands came up to grab at her breasts. She leaned back bracing herself on her arms and allowing him better access to the dip of cleavage her shirt provided. 

Suddenly Bellamy pulled away, lips swollen and face flushed with desire. “As much as I want to do this right here right now, we are not having sex for the first time on a counter top.”

Clarke giggled and leaned her forehead to rest against his. “I don’t know, I don’t have much of a problem with it. But if you would rather bend me over the kitchen table then…”

Bellamy groaned, dropping his head down to her shoulder as she laughed. After placing a sloppy kiss against her neck he raised his head back up to look at her, eyes dark. “Believe when I say I will be taking you up on that offer very soon, but no. We are going to do this right.”

Without any warning Bellamy slid his hands under Clarke’s ass and lifted her, sufficiently throwing her over her shoulder. “So this is the right way, huh?” She teased, yelping in surprise when he lightly smacked her ass as he made his way out of the kitchen. 

Once upstairs he dropped her onto his bed unceremoniously as she laughed. Wasting no time, Bellamy crawled on top of her, his weight pressing her deeper into the mattress. Quickly Clarke’s laughter turned to breathy sighs and moans as he proceeded to pepper kisses down her neck while palming her breasts. Her fingers glided down his sides until they found the hem of his shirt. Pulling away briefly, Bellamy helped her to push the offending garment off his shoulders, revealing his toned and muscled chest. Taking advantage of his position, Clarke flipped them over and began to explore the newly bared skin with her tongue while his fingers bunched in her blonde tresses. 

When she reached the angry, red scar on his abdomen, Clarke slowed and pulled back. She clenched her jaw as memories of his near death experience flooded her mind. It was then that she noticed the other scars dotting his skin and mixing in with his freckles to create a veritable universe across his body. With a delicate finger she traced the larger marks as she imagined how he had gotten them. Yes, Clarke had seen Bellamy shirtless countless times before, but this was different somehow. She had never really looked this carefully or this intimately. The marks that marred his skin upset her more than she expected. 

Suddenly a strong hand covered the one tracing a faded scar as its twin gently lifted Clarke’s jaw up. She met Bellamy’s eyes and offered him a small, sad smile. 

“I’m okay, Clarke. They’re just scars.”

“I know,” she said, dropping her gaze back to his skin. “I just never really noticed them before I guess. I didn’t realize… I didn’t realize how many there are and-” His hand forced her gaze up again. 

“I’m here, Clarke, with you.” 

She nodded, surging forward to kiss him deeply. Clarke had never been great with words. She didn’t know how to tell him how much the thought of him getting hurt upset her or that the idea of him coming close to death multiple times scared the shit out of her. It was hard to find a way to vocalize how much she feared losing those that she loved after what she had gone through with her father and what had almost happened to Wells. Instead, Clarke tried to channel her emotions into her kiss. She needed him to understand why it had been so hard for her to open up to him, why it was still so hard to see his skin marred in such a way. 

Bellamy pulled her closer to him, responding energetically to her kiss. His hands swept under her shirt and burned across her skin as they traced circles and swirls on her stomach. They broke apart for air and Bellamy took advantage of the moment, yanking her shirt over her head before making quick work of her bra. He then flipped them back over causing Clarke to gasp at the feeling of his bare chest against hers. 

Slowly he dragged his lips down her body causing Clarke to whimper with need. When his lips landed on her hipbone she jerked upwards involuntarily. Bellamy looked up at her through hooded eyes, a wolfish smile dancing across his lips. Although the thought of Bellamy going down on her was quite tempting, Clarke needed him sooner. She needed to feel him inside her. Pulling him upwards she caught his mouth in a fiery kiss. 

“Next time. I just need you. Now.” 

“Fine, we can put it on the list with the kitchen table,” Bellamy murmured in reply as his lips found her pulse point. 

Clarke rolled her eyes and let her hands run down his chest until they hit the waistband of his jeans. It was his turn to jerk into her and groan as her hand slid farther down underneath the rough fabric. The guttural sound went straight to her already dripping cunt. Pulling her fingers back up, Clarke began to frantically unbutton his pants. Bellamy moved off of her and threw his jeans and briefs across the room before yanking down her leggings.

Finally naked in front of one another, they each took a moment to enjoy the view before crashing together once more. 

“Wait,” Bellamy breathed out, his jaw tightened as if pulling away from her was physically painful. “Condom.”

Clarke stopped him as he moved towards the bedside table. “I’m on the pill,” she said, surprised at the breathiness of her voice. “And I’m clean.” 

He looked at her for minute, pupils blown wide. “Me too.” Clarke smiled and pulled him back down against her. 

When he finally slid into her Clarke felt like she was coming home for the first time. He hovered above her allowing her time to get use to the stretch of him. Reaching up Clarke gripped his back and began a maddeningly slow, steady rhythm that he quickly matched. He leaned down to nip and lick his way across her skin as she clawed at his back, no doubt leaving angry red marks. As they both came closer and closer to the edge his speed picked up, each thrust sending a jolt of pleasure through Clarke. She moaned his name against the warm skin of his neck letting her fingers twist in his sweaty curls. Bellamy moved one hand down to where they were joined, rubbing maddening circles around her clit just at the same time he hit that sweet spot inside her that made her see white. Clarke clenched around him, gasping his name as her nails dug into his skin. He followed her over the edge moments later biting her neck with a guttural groan that made Clarke’s jaw tighten in arousal. They breathed heavily against each other for a long moment before Bellamy pushed himself off her and collapsed against the mattress. 

Clarke flipped over and rested her cheek against his warm chest, listening to his rapid heart slowly steady down. One of his large hands played with her loose hair while the other held her close to him. Suddenly she felt a brush of warm air as he laughed against the top of her head. Turning her face upwards she looked at him with skepticism. 

“What?”

Bellamy shook his head, “You ruined everything. I had the whole damn day planned out.” 

Raising and eyebrow, Clarke propped herself up on her elbow to look at him better. “You had the whole day planned out?”

“Yeah,” he replied. A blush creeped up his face causing Clarke to smile. Bellamy focused his gaze on his hand tracing her collarbone. “Blueberry pancakes, then I was going to take you into the city and go to the Art Institute, then that gyro place you like because it tastes like your favorite food truck in DC, then back here for Hawaiian pizza and a marathon of your trashy Bravo shows that I hate.” 

It was Clarke’s turn to blush as a wave of affection washed over her. She didn’t know what she had done to deserve Bellamy Blake, but now that she had him she was never going to let go. Leaning up Clarke brushed her lips against Bellamy’s. It was slow and lazy, but warmed Clarke down to her toes. 

“Sorry I ruined your plans.”

“It’s okay, I suppose this is pretty cool too.” 

Clarke barked out a laugh before sliding on top of him. Bellamy’s hands immediately found her hips. “Well, I’m glad the day isn’t a total loss for you.”

“No,” he said with a small smirk. “Plus I’m optimistic that it will improve from here.” 

She was still smiling when their lips met again. Her stomach grumbling broke them apart. Bellamy laughed against her neck causing Clarke to hit him lightly on the shoulder. “Come on,” he said, dragging her out of bed. “I’ll finally finish your pancakes.”

Minutes later they were seated at the kitchen table, Clarke wrapped up in Bellamy’s comforter and Bellamy wearing only his briefs. They ate in comfortable silence, smiling at each other with mouths full. 

“And to think,” Clarke said, “You wanted me to move out immediately.” 

Bellamy smiled and looked down at his plate, “Fortunately you are the most stubborn woman I know. Other than Octavia that is.” 

“Hmm,” Clarke replied, “Well, you are stuck with me now.” 

“Good.” Bellamy stood to grab Clarke’s empty plate and put their dishes in the sink. When he turned around there was a sinister smirk on his face. “Now, I think you mentioned something about the kitchen table?” 

Clarke laughed as he leaned down to kiss her. Yes, she thought to herself, Bellamy Blake was going to be stuck with her for a very long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE HELPED ME WIN THE BELLARKE FANFICTION AWARD AND I WILL FOREVER LOVE YOU
> 
> As a thank you there will be an epilogue :) 
> 
> Thank you all so much, the response to this fic has been amazing! I can't believe it is almost over!


	18. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!

‘you can come up now’

Clarke smiled down at her phone, eyes squinting to read the message on the lock screen in the blinding summer sun. With a sigh she heaved herself off the lawn chair and grabbed her half drunken glass of lemonade off the side table. She had been waiting for Bellamy’s text for what felt like an hour. As much as she loved laying out in the sun, especially after the long Chicago winter, Clarke was more than ready to see what Bellamy had been so determined to hide from her.

“You know,” she called into the house as she slid open the glass door, “you could have just done whatever it is you are doing while I was at Octavia’s yesterday.” Poking her head into the kitchen Clarke looked for any sign of Bellamy. Finding none she moved back through the family room into the front living room. Still no sign of him.

“I was working on it yesterday too. It’s sort of a multi-day project.” Clarke rolled her eyes and followed his disembodied voice up the stairs. “I can’t believe you are making me come upstairs,” she complained, gripping the handrail tightly with each step.

“Oh, shit.” She smirked at the slight panic in his voice. Suddenly Bellamy appeared at the top of the stairs, his hair in its usual mess and his eyes wide with worry. “Are you okay? Just stay there I’ll-”

“I’m just kidding, Bell. For God’s sake you would think I’m made of glass the way you all act around me.”

He grabbed her hand as she reached the top step and kissed her forehead. “Yes, how dare I worry about you and the girls?”

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Well, what is my great surprise Mr. Blake?”

“This way, Mrs. Blake,” he replied as he began to lead her down the hall by their clasped hands. Clarke couldn’t help but smile when her eye caught on the solid, gold band around his ring finger.

Their wedding had been a small affair. Just her mom and Kane, the Jahas, and their friends on the same beach they visited each year for the Fourth of July. It certainly wasn’t the upper crust, grand affair that her mother had hoped for, but to Clarke it had been perfect. After all, the only thing that really mattered to her was the man at the end of the aisle and the look on his face when she met him there.

Bellamy came to a stop outside of Octavia’s old room, unused for close to three years now. He turned to her, suddenly nervous, and raked a hand through his hair in that familiar way of his. “You ready, Princess?”

“More than ready, Old man.” Gripping her hand a little tighter he pushed the door open. Clarke’s jaw dropped as she took in the room.

“So? What do you think? If you don’t like the color we can always change it, I just thought that since you said-”

“I love it,” she said, cutting off his nervous ramblings.

He turned to her with a small smile playing at his lips. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Clarke nodded. Though she wanted to blame the tears welling in her eyes on her insane hormones, she knew that wasn’t entirely fair. The room was perfect. Bellamy had removed the floral wallpaper and painted the walls a pale yellow. The shade was nearly exactly the one that Clarke had pointed out months ago when they weren’t even really thinking about babies yet. Giraffe curtains adorned the windows and a matching rug spanned the floor. An assortment of toys sat on either side of a small, white bookcase and a changing table. In the corner sat the large, comfy armchair Clarke had eyed a few weeks before when they went shopping in the city after one of her check ups. However, it was the two white cribs standing side by side against one wall, three of her watercolors hanging above them, that made Clarke’s heart beat a little faster. The names delicately carved into the wood suddenly made everything seem so real.

_Aurora_

_Adelaide_

Suddenly she couldn’t hold back a sob. “Hey,” Bellamy whispered as her pulled into the tightest hug he could given the space Addie and Rory took up in her belly.

“It’s real. This is really happening, Bell. We are going to be parents.”

“Is that just now setting in, Princess? Because it’s a little late to back out now.”

Choking out a watery laugh Clarke pushed him away. “You ass, you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know,” he murmured in response as he came to stand behind her. Clarke sighed in contentment as he rested his head on her shoulder and his hands on her belly.

“I can’t believe I didn’t realize you were doing all of this.”

“Well you haven’t been up here at all, that made it easier.” This was true, Clarke had been sleeping on the pullout in the family room for the past month. The stairs were too much at this point. She felt close to bursting and it was easier to just stay downstairs. “I know you wanted to help set it all up but I just figured you have been so tired lately and all… I’m sorry if you wanted to be more involved. We can change it if you want.”

“No,” Clarke laughed. “I have no energy at all. Besides, its perfect.”

“One more month.”

“One more month,” she parroted as she twisted in his arms and planted a kiss on his lips. It seemed impossible to her that she could ever be happier than she was in that moment.

Two and a half weeks later when she saw Bellamy holding their brand new, very impatient, dark haired little girls for the first time she was proven wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. Its finally over. I can't believe it. 
> 
> I hope y'all liked this last chapter. I know its short but this is a scene I have had in my head since the very beginning. Besides, I just wanted to give a small idea of their future rather than going into detail. Its an epilogue after all. 
> 
> Anyways, since this is the end I just want to say a huge thank you to all of you. You guys have been absolutely amazing. 
> 
> While I don't plan on writing a sequel I am open to some one shots or drabbles in this universe if y'all want to send me prompts on tumblr. I can't promise they will be filled right away, but I can promise I will get to them at some point :)
> 
> Thanks again, I love y'all!


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